Kacey Call 4

28 August 2009

Highlights

• Chris begins the call by asking Kacey if she has an STD (!).
• Kacey received a lot of awards during her high school graduation, Chris is jealous.
• Chris suggests talking about political issues even though he has nothing to say about political issues.
• Kacey asks Chris about things she found on the ED page.
• Chris totally doesn't drink cum anymore.
• Chris totally doesn't shit himself anymore.
• Chris totally isn't gullible anymore
• Chris lies the last time he shat himself was THREE YEARS AGO.
• Chris tries to explain why he has so many fucking video game accounts.
• Chris whines that he only gets 200 out of his 800 a month, and spends 150 on video games.
• Chris was going to call someone about getting a job, "but then stress happened".
• Chris used credit cards to buy thousands of video games, parents are paying the bills.
• Chris doesn't know why he got a CADD degree, "I feel more comfortable with drawing da comics than with da buildings and da computers".
• Chris is sending printed-out Sonichu comics to Marvel, DC and Dark Horse; thinks they will hire him because he's "very popular".
• Mary Lee Walsh caused all of his problems.
• Chris is capable of surviving, cooking and doing laundry.
• Chris can't look for a job on the internet because he "doesn't know what to put into a search term"
• Kacey says Sonichu is fanfiction, Chris says it's parody
• Chris lies that he'll look for a job where he works 10 hours a week, Kacey wants him to work 20, eventually he says okay to shut her up
• Kacey tells him not to wear his medallion to the job interview and not to draw on the applications; Chris sadly agrees that he won't.
• Chris thanks Kacey for yelling at him.

Transcript

Chris: Hello?
Kacey: Hi! It's Kacey!
Chris: Hey Kacey! How are you?
Kacey: I'm good. Um, how are you? Um, are you doing better?
Chris: Yeah, I'm feeling better, thank you. I was waiting for you to call me.
Kacey: Well, you just said around 11 to 11:30, so I gave you a few extra, you know, minutes just in case.
Chris: I see. Yeah, I know, that's cool. I appreciate that. But it's like, you know. Yeah, I mean- I mean no hurry, but I mean, like, you know. I was waiting for the pleasure of talking to you.
Kacey: Oh, uh, thank you.
Chris: Yeah, so uh, okay, let me go and get and my main questions I had written down in my little notebook out of the way. Um...
Kacey: Oh, you have questions? Yeah, go ahead and ask them.
Chris: Yeah. Okay, this is an important one. You don't have any STD's, do you?
Kacey: Chris, why would you ask me that?! Of course I don't!
Chris: Okay, I'm sorry, I just-
Kacey: [interrupts] I mean, you know I've only been with one person!
Chris: Yeah, well, I mean, I just felt like I needed to ask anyway.
Kacey: O...okay, that's just...wow!
Chris: Yeah, okay, I'm sorry, I guess I wasn't up...[unintelligible]that wasn't a very good opening topic, I know, I'm sorry. It's just the first one I had on my thing here.
Kacey: Okay, well I hope the rest of the questions aren't that bad!
Chris: Uh, no, yeah well here, we'll do a 180 right here, um, yeah, let's, I think we talked about your education background a little bit, you, uh, you said you had honorable grades back in high school?
Kacey: Yes, I was 4.0 all the way.
Chris: Well that's good. Yeah, you got your diploma and all. Um, okay, did you, uh, ever get any, uh, awards? Um, like, you know right before graduation?
Kacey: Um, yeah, like, um, I actually had a couple poems published, and um I actually graduated with way more credits than I needed so I got a merit certificate.
Chris: [enthralled] You got a merit certificate?
Kacey: Yes.
Chris: Hmm. Tell me about that, what does that do for you?
Kacey: Oh, it just goes with your diploma, it shows that you did way more than you needed to do, so, I got that and you know and I did like over 200 hours of community service, so, I got... It's just, it's just something that you... it doesn't really do anything, I mean, awards in high school are nothing, I mean, they don't really help you ever in your life.
Chris: Hmm. Yeah, but it's like, you know the achievement, it just makes you feel better, you know, I wish I would've gotten an award for my creativity back in high school.
Kacey: I mean, I guess, but high school really doesn't do anything for you so it's not a big deal.
Chris: Uh, it does a lot more than you, does a lot more than you think though, you know, I mean it, it's like, uh, it definitely readies you a little more for adult life, which is, uh, what you're gonna be leaving high school for.
Kacey: Yeah, but I mean nobody cares, they look at college all the time, college is way bigger of a deal.
Chris: Yeah, it is a big deal, I agree with that.
Kacey: Um, so, any other questions?
Chris: Well, okay well yeah, we'll move onto the next one... hmm... yeah... Oh yeah, um, what's yo... uh, you drew your original Kacey in greek ink, uh, it's that like, uh, gel ink?
Kacey: Um, yeah, it is a gel pen actually, it's just one of the pens I use for work.
Chris: Oh, okay, you generally use a green ink pen, oh, that's... that's interesting.
Kacey: Yeah, I like to use different colors.
Chris: Hm. [pause] All colors of the rainbow, right?
Kacey: [laughs] Yeah, definitely.
Chris: Hmm, now there's my colorful gal.
Kacey: [laughs] Well, Chris, remember, I'm just your friend.
Chris: Yeah, I know, I'm just saying, you know, I'm just trying to be creati... be clever.
Kacey: [laughs] Okay, well, um, keep going with questions.
Chris: Okay, hmm, do you like sudoku? Doin those sudoku puzzles on the paper?
Kacey: No, I actually don't like sudoku, I'm really big into logic puzzles but I've never gotten into Sudoku, I don't like it.
Chris: Well that's too bad. It's more on logic(?) you know, you basically just put one through nine in the one box, and then divide compared to the other boxes, the whole big nine box...
Kacey: Right, I know what it is, I just don't like it.
Chris: Hmm, yeah, okay, generally...
Kacey: [interrupts] I'm more of a science person than a math person.
Chris: Hmm, kay well you know you don't need math. I mean, it's like, okay, similarly you could do like Sudoku with the layers A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I. You could do letters A-I.
Kacey: I guess, but I mean, I just really don't like it, so if we could move on to the next question, that'd be awesome.
Chris: Well, okay, what's your favorite board game?
Kacey: Um, my favorite board game? Um, I haven't really played any in a long time, actually, so I mean...
Chris: Yeah, of all the board games you've played?
Kacey: Um, well the last thing I played was Catan.
Chris: Catan? [Kacey: "Yes."] I've never heard of that one.
Kacey: You should look it up, you should google it, it's a really awesome game.
Chris: Okay, is that spelled with a K?
Kacey: Uh, no, it's C-A-T-A-N.
Chris: Oh, kay-tawn, okay.
Kacey: Kuh-tan.
Chris: Yeah, alright... so my favorite board game yet... I got a little bit into Monopoly, but, I don't... yeah, I mean I can call that like my second favorite board game, um, I don't, I mean, I guess... and plus, I mean, I have the original Sega Genesis cartridge, and you know, every once in a while I would play that, and I would beat the computer! [He seems proud of this.]
Kacey: Oh, okay, cool... well, um, uh go ahead and keep going with the questions.
Chris: Okay. Alright, well here's a fun one for you you might like. Did you have a favorite toy growing up?
Kacey: A favorite toy? Um, yeah, my Easy-Bake Oven.
Chris: Your Easy-Bake Oven?
Kacey: Yeah, I loved that Easy-Bake Oven.
Chris: Hah. Yeah, I can reali...I can recogn...I can understand that. Hah. Make the little small things with the little lightbulb, it's fun. Uh, my favorite toy is this little uh fisher-price Transformer, it was like you know my first transformer, so it's like, uh it's a little red indy racecar, that transforms into a little buddy, you actually gotta pop the guy's head in for the full transformation... [pause] so I was... yeah that's pretty much... yeah you'd have to see it to pretty much get it, but... if you look it up, I'm sure you can find pictures...
Kacey: Okay.
Chris: Yeah, fisher price... hmm... oh and something else, I think, I feel like I can probably make you feel comfortable with, to talk about, we can talk about some of your, uh, favorite potta-lickal issues, or we can talk about your favorite episodes of House or the office, and then uh, I'll just listen, take it all in, and learn about you more as a friend, you know?
Kacey: Okay, well, um, let's do polla-tickle... political issues, why don't you start?
Chris: Alright...heh...why don't I start.I mean, you know more about politics than I do...uh... *pause, then frustrated sigh* I'm trying anyway, I'm trying to come up with a good political topic in my head right now.
Kacey: Well, if you can't, I mean do you have any other questions?
Chris: I mean, I just thought, you know... Okay, what's the most recent political thing that's, you know, on your mind, now, at this point?
Kacey: Um, probably healthcare, cause, you know, that's what I'm going to be doing.
Chris: Oh, that's right, you're, uh, you're...[stammers] you're working towards getting your nurse degree.
Kacey: Yup.
Chris: Okay, um, we've talked about that a little before...hmm...yeah, let me see if I remember... yeah, I think you kind of agreed with me with I said like, yeah... not everyone can afford healthcare, it's like you know...and assist... and then yeah.
Kacey: Actually, Chris, I think you agreed with ME, because you didn't even know about reformed healthcare, you just knew about socialist healthcare.
Chris: Hm. Yeah, that's true, I did agree with you. And then you kind of agreed with you know, when I was talking about my father and me going down to Tom Perriello's office and then he brought that up... but yeah it was like agreeing with him about it as well, yeah and then you, we talked about it, and [unintelligible] was agreeing too.
Kacey: Right... well do you have any other questions? Cause there's something on my mind that I really need to talk to you about.
Chris: Oh! We could talk about that.
Kacey: Okay, um, so you know all these trolls have been bothering me right?
Chris: Oh, yeah.
Kacey: So I was talking to my aunt about it, she's a nurse too, and you know she got really suspicious and, um, she googled your name, and you know, some of the things that the trolls have been saying, I think they might be true, I mean what is, you know, it's disturbing, and it's making me really uneasy especially since, you know you've said you think about me to such a degree, and I mean, it's just like... I mean, I know you've talked about the ED site before, but I mean, is a lot of that true? Like, why are you doing half those things in those videos? And, I thought you were anti-gay and you're drinking your own cum? It's gross, and it's just... it's bothering me!
Chris: Yeah, okay yeah, that is a whole bunch... that is a whole bunch of skeletons in my closet.
Kacey: But I mean, why would you do that? Do they make you do that?!
Chris: Uh, no... As for the uh... yeah... I pretty much volunteered myself to be doing that, cause it was like, you know I considered it like recycling, so it's like, you know, I didn't have to lose it, and plus you know I read on the internet there was like health benefits.
Kacey: Health benefits of what, of doing that?!
Chris: Yeah.
Kacey: There's no real health benefits, those are all myths, I mean it doesn't help your hair, doesn't help your nails, there's not enough protein in it. I mean, is that the whole reason you did it?
Chris: Anyway, anyway, I've stopped... anyway, I've stopped doing that months ago.
Kacey: Well that's GOOD, but, I mean, there's no point in doing it. I mean... I... I... I mean especially not if you were so anti-gay. I mean, it's just, I mean most people would see that and say "Wow, this guy must be at least bisexual!"
Chris: *sigh* Yeah, okay yeah, I can definitely see it from your point of view and I understand. *sigh* Yeah, but I take it like... I learn from my mistakes, and... yeah... I've grown to the understanding and whatnot. Um, anyway, yeah, mostly like other stuff like you know the posts... and the videos, and me drawing, you know, I've drawn on my dick, and pictures of that, yeah...
Kacey: Okay well, [Chris interjects saying "I was talking!"] Hey, no, no, let me go! Okay, another thing that really disturbed me is, apparently, you told these trolls that you, uh, that you shit yourself? I mean, what the hell Chris?
Chris: [falsetto] Ehh, prettty much... I mean, I'm more in control of my bowel movements nowadays, and yeah, I... I do that less.
Kacey: Well I mean... you're 27... do you just not make it to the bathroom?... or, or what?
Chris: Uh... Yeah, I just don't make it to the...bathroom quickly enough.
Kacey: [incredulous] Wh... how how do you not know? Your body... gives you... you know... it lets you KNOW that... something... it's like, I mean, like when was the last time it happened if you're so in control?
Chris: Okay, the last time it happened... yeah it was like three years ago.
Kacey: Three years ago?
Chris: Yeah.
Kacey: Well it said that this happened recently so are these lies?
Chris: Yeah they're, yeah they, yeah I would say they are exaggerating those. If it happened recently those are lies.
Kacey: Okay okay but- [Chris chants 'the last time I' over and over] you've got to see that all this stuff is disturbing to me.
Chris: Hmm. Yeah I can, yeah I can, I can relate to that. I can understand how you feel. Yeah. I-I would be uneasy too if I was, if I was, if I wasn't myself and I was reading that, you know, about myself or... yeah. [sighs] Most of the information they got on that ED page... [silence] it's like conned out of me, they conned out of me from pretending to be the past women I've talked to like Blanca... Weiss or uh...
Kacey: Okay but you can't blame other people. Those people aren't near you. You can't say that they made you give them those videos. What- [Chris tries to interrupt] This is why your parents are mad at you right now!
Chris: Yeah plus I was more gullible back then. And I'm, and [sheepish] I've been less gullible for the past few months. And now. [silence] I'm working on these things and I'm moving on from- I'm moving on and trying to put all that behind me. Plus, I've, I've got a responsible detective, uh, up in the FBI to take, to help, to help to towards the down-taking of the website and the downfall of the trolls!
Kacey: OK, but still, Chris, I mean, Chris you need to understand this stuff is kind of disturbing, and I mean like, OK look, like I mean, like stuff you do in real life. Like, if most people touched me as much as you did, I would've gone off with them, but I mean, I'm trying to be polite because I know you have difficulties, and I mean that you, like you say "slow-in-the-mind", but I mean you've gotta understand you can't keep doing this shit.
Chris: Yeah, I understand that... [pause] I understand that.
Kacey: And besides, you keep saying that the cops don't care about things. I mean, you've really gotta let some of this stuff go! I mean, I mean don't be slow-in-the-mind with that! I mean, if they don't care they're not-they're never gonna help you, and even just one lone detective isn't gonna be able to do anything.
Chris: Yeah... [stammers] Yeah also I did go to Tom [unintelligible] about that and talk to him about that.
Kacey: Well, I mean, what exactly is he going to do? [Talking over Chris] And I mean, like, what about your counselors at church? I mean, do they know all this? Do they know this stuff?
Chris: Yeah, they know, yeah they, more or less, uh, know about what's been going on in the ED page, yeah. I mean ne- I mean, the people- I mean, between my pastor and… [unintelligible] my pastoral counselor Rocky, uh yeah, they're ashamed with the, the church and all that being… on the internet and put on the ED page and being slandered around in that sense. And yeah, I can [unintelligible, "call them up and relate to that"?] as well, and… I just want them to think they'll try not to think- that's just one of the bad pieces, to let you know. I mean, I'm not ignorant, I know about it, I understand it, I just can't-[Kacey interrupts here]
Kacey: But Chris, okay, there was a video of you [laughing] humping a PlayStation 3! What the hell?
Chris: [stammering] I was- I was blackmailed into that. By, uh…
Kacey: But the- how were they blackmailing you? These people are on the internet! How are they blackmailing you? [Chris tries to interrupt] You- they're not going to do anything to you!
Chris: Okay- okay, Kacey, yeah, this happened like a month ago but like… two months ago. About one- about over a… Yeah I'd say, yeah closer to two months now. Uh, anyway yeah this person Jack Thaddeus got hold of the majority of my PlayStation Network accounts, including my main- my main American one and my secondary American one, and, my and my import accounts including my Japan, Hong Kong and German…
Kacey: Wait wait wait wait, you were doing this over a PlayStation account? That's what all this was about?
Chris: Not just one but a whole- but uh, but the majority, but the [drown out by Kacey]
Kacey: It's video games! It's- oh my gosh, you could've easily called them and they would understood, I mean… It's video games, [Chris tries to interrupt] you were letting them get to you that bad over a video game?
Chris: Yeah, okay, [tries to continue, drown out by Kacey]
Kacey: Chris! Think about what you're doing!

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