Surfshack Tito (troll)

This article is about the troll named Surfshack Tito. For the video of the same name, see Surfshack Tito (video).

Troll disclosure: This persona was created, appropriated, or otherwise used by trolls to manipulate Chris. Though this identity is contrived, the CWCki may treat it as if it were a real identity because it was to Chris. (It's also funnier that way.)

“	Goddamn womanizing, raping... trollin' stupid pickle-suited... nigger!	”
Chris on Tito

Surfshack Tito
Information
Name	Don
Also known as	Tito
Gender	Male
Race	Black Hawaiian
Nationality	American
Occupation	Internet troll Hacker
Saga	Tito, PSN Hacking, Calling Out

Surfshack Tito (also known as Don or Tito for short) was a mysterious troll who first emerged in early March 2010. His arrival was reminiscent of the rise of Jack Thaddeus in the summer of 2009. Like Jack, he first made his mark by hacking Chris's PlayStation Network accounts.

The nickname "Surfshack Tito" is a reference to the corpulent surf-shop owner from the Nickelodeon kids' cartoon Rocket Power. During the exchanges with Chris, most of them from Tito ended with a Tito-styled word of wisdom. An infamous copypasta about Tito most likely inspired the choice to go with the name.

Based on Chris's insults towards Tito in the e-mails and videos, it was assumed that Chris believed the actual Tito from Rocket Power was trolling him. However, the truth is that the image attached to an e-mail shows a photoshopped image of the Wallflower standing next to a really tall dark guy. Said photo has been left out of this article due to an agreement with the Wallflower.

Tito in Chris's videos

It's easy to see what the Wallflower fell for, isn't it?

Chris first addressed Tito in a video released on 2 March 2010. His comments were brief and cryptic. Chris merely referred to Tito by name, threatened him with doom in his nightmares, and delivered a Curse Shot attack.

Shortly afterward, Clyde Cash explained that Tito had hacked Chris's PSN account a few days prior, in late February. This revelation was accompanied by another info dump concerning Chris's ongoing downloadable content spending spree.

A week later, trolls discovered the identity of the Wallflower, throwing Chris into a flailing rage. Initially, Chris seemed to blame Clyde for the breakup of his latest one-sided relationship, but on 14 March 2010, he released a video suggesting that he viewed Tito as the culprit. In that clip, he declares: "Tito. Listen to me, you son of a bitch. Your-your days are numbered." Threats involving a shillelagh and Chris's deadly pocket knife followed.

Tito apparently kept up the pressure on Chris through the next few days of March 2010. On 18 March, Chris released yet another threatening video, in which he accused Tito of stealing the Wallflower from him, called him a "womanizing rapist" and a "pickle-suited nigger", and alluded to e-mails he had received from Tito (their contents unspecified, but Chris definitely didn't like them).

Other Trolling

Tito was a frequent poster on Trollin Train, along with Clyde Cash. After Clyde put up a $9001 dollar bounty for destroying Chris's PS3, Chris would claim it himself by destroying his own PS3. After he e-mailed Clyde a few times, Clyde forwarded him to Tito, who managed his money.

Tito decided on them meeting up at a Chick-fil-A, before one of Clyde's asian technicians told him the harddrive of Chris's PS3 was still intact. To prove it was completely broken, Chris had to run over all the seperate pieces of his PS3, which would finally convince Tito.

Tito told him to meet up at Starbucks in Fashion Square, where he would be approached by a agents with a pickle tattoo on her breast. He was videotaped sitting at a chair in fashion square, creepily staring at women, possibly trying to spot a pickle tattoo. No agents would walk up and give him the money, leading to Chris writing an angry e-mail to Tito. Tito responded stating that he had already given the money to a man who said he was Christian Weston Chandler, with a Sonichu medallion, high school ring, and brown shirt, leaving Chris without any money.

Tito was the one to the leak the Tomgirl Pictures on 28 April 2011, along with his own commentary.

Chris decided that being a man was too much work. It often involves stressful activities such as getting a job, excercising, and supporting a family. The role of the man was too stressful for the life of Christian Weston Chandler. He decided he would take the route that was easier for him. The path that he was so familiar with in Highschool. The manchild felt that he could identify being a lady seeing that he has had vast experience of hanging out with girls in the cafeteria. Chris decided that being in touch with the femine side would be the truth key in his quest. But wait! Does that make him gay? Not in Chris' lifetime it doesn't. Thanks to 3 months of dry spell and constant hours of TV have deluded him. Based on the archetype you would see on movies and video games, you would learn of the "Tomboy", The girl with boyish next to dykish features would allow her to be swarmed by the opposite sex with her short hair and her appreciation of the Dresdon Dolls. "If a girl could do it, So can a boy", Chris thought. Thus he has coined the term "Tomgirl". A man in touch with his feminine side, and totally heterosexual.

Almost an year after the PS3 incident, Chris would call out Tito publicly, by bragging about supposedly having his real name and address. Chris threatened to release these if Tito didn't meet his demands, including apologizing to The Wallflower (who he called his 'ex-girlfriend', along with saying her real name again). Another demand was for Tito to give him one thousand dollars. Tito ended up apologizing in a video, which included a zoomed in view of his stomach while he anxiously stated that he would meet all of Chris's demands and give him the money.

Tito didn't end up giving Chris the money, but Chris didn't reveal his identity either, possibly after releasing that blackmail is a crime.

Surfshack Tito stopped trolling Chris because IRL he was busy with high school

E-mails with Chris

Main articles: Surfshack Tito E-mails and Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails

During mid-March 2010, Tito exchanged several e-mails with Chris, baiting him with regard to the revelation of the Wallflower's identity and other subjects. Their conversations reveal that Chris was aware of his gal-pal's interest in gay slash fiction, and was apparently willing to look past it (the quest for china trumping all other considerations). The e-mails also feature Chris employing the word "nigger". Note that Surfshack Tito is actually Hawaiian, not a niggo.

Between late August and early September 2010, Tito resurfaced in Chris's failed plot to scam him and Clyde Cash. Their e-mails reveal Chris's intentions behind destroying his PS3 and waiting at the mall; he sought a bounty of $9,001 for his PS3's destruction and very poorly attempted to cheat Tito and Clyde out of the money.

Gallery

• 

  A leaked image of Tito's gut

See also

• Jack Thaddeus
• Surfshack Tito (video)
• Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!
• Chris Drops the N-Bomb
• Surfshack Tito E-mails
• Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails

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