Difference between revisions of "Prank calls"

Revision as of 06:53, 16 May 2011

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many prank calls, thanks to Chris's e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire Internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to YouTube, providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.

DPF phonecalls

Part 1

Transcript

Chris: Hello?
Jynx: Hel-(cut off by static)
Jack: Hi I'm *inaudible*
Chris: I'm sorry what?
Jynx: Good evening.
Chris: Yeah, good evening.
Jynx: We tried to conta-well I tried to contact you earlier, I wanted to ask permission to use something of yours. A character of yours.
Chris: I see.
Jynx: I, um, I own a comic called Marty-Bob, right? It's pretty popular. It's based off the series Negima, you may have heard of it. Have you?
Chris: Uh, no. I have not.
Jynx: Well, as you know, I am English, and it's rather popular over here, right? And your character, being pretty popular in England as well, um, I wanted to see if I could use him just as a cameo to say hi to Marty-Bob.
Chris: Mmm.
Jynx: Well I-*cut off by Chris*
Chris: Well, I give you, I give you permission to use my c-, use my Sonichu as a as a, in a cameo appearance in there, just make sure you reference me and the CWCipedia.
Jack: We'll, we'll do that sir.
Jynx: We'll link and everything and give credit to you *Text comes up reading 'Sonichu can come up and give Marty-Bob a handshake and then Marty-Bob can meet'* Sonichu and say he's awesome.
Chris: Yeah okay, that's fine.
Jack: Also, I was wondering, I have a character I'd like to audition for you, for your Sonichu comic.
Chris: I see. Hmm.
Jack: His, his name is Poliochu, he has Polio, he's like the uh, clone of FDR and he has Polio, so he needs a wheelchair.
Chris: I see, hmm, well you can send me a drawing of it, to my e-mail address or to the mailbag on the CWCipedia and I'll uh, I'll look at-I'll look the character over.
Jynx: Will you look at 'em all of your e-mails?
Chris: Yeah, I'll look at the e-mails.
Jynx: Okay that's good.
Jack: That's good, that's good. Also, um, are you getting those dastardly trolls? I mean, they're just so mean.
Chris: Yes they are mean.
Jynx: I liked your recent video where you spoke French or s-*static pause*
Chris: *cutting in* Spanish.
Jynx: You taught me how to say it it was like illis zububolis or something.
Jack: What does that mean anyway what you said in Spanish?
Chris: Mmm, yeah th- the meaning escapes me at the moment, but it's pronounced "uhcrepsa etah y uhcinos evol.
Jack: Mhm.
Jynx: Chris, can I just say something?
Chris: Mhm?
Jynx: I'm your biggest fan; you're so awesome.
Chris: Thank you.
Jack: You do not deserve any of the bad treatment towards you like, Clyde Cash, he's just a jerk and whatever that guy who says he's you but like not as like, good looking.
Chris: Yeah.
Jynx: So what is Asperchu?
Chris: Okay, well Asperchu is not mine, it belongs to Alec Benson Leary and I have no connection to him whatsoever, except for him buying out the ad space and putting his ads onto th-*cuts out*
Jynx: What?
Jack: Why would he do that to you?
Chris: He's just being, he's just being mean and a jerk.
Jynx: I thought that um, you guys were having a meeting. That's what you said in your video.
Chris: Mmm, no I challenged him to come and meet- challenged him to come to Virginia so we can see who stacks up better here.
Jynx: Right.
Jack: Did Clyde Cash ever come to your house and try to fight you?
Chris: Mmm, people have come to my house, and uh, gone so-gone as far as to egg my house.
Jack: Egged? Your house has been egged?
Chris: Yeah.
Jynx: That's not very nice they're *inaudible*
Chris: Yeah.
Jynx: It's a waste of eggs.
Chris: Yeah.
Jack: Eggs are supposed to be eaten.
Chris: Yeah that's probably-
Jack: *cuts off Chris* They're made with french toast.
Chris: Yeah.
Jynx: I wanted to ask you a question.
Chris: Mhm?
Jynx: Y'know Magi-chan?
Chris: Yep.
Jynx: How come he's got -chan at the end of his name but not -chu?
Chris: It's a play off the word magician.
Jynx: I see. I didn't know that! That's pretty cool, I've learned something new today!
Chris: Yeah.
Jack: Yeah.
Jynx: But what's that, so his species name is Magi-chan?
Chris: Yeah.
Jynx: So, could I capture my own Magi-chan if it was in a pokémon game?
Chris: Hmm, not really. If I- if there was a pokémon game with all the Sonichu characters in there, you'd have to, uh, evolve it from a Sonee with a Moon Stone.
Jynx: Ah, I see.
Jack: Also I was wondering, uh, what is this A.D. Vision thing project you're making-you're going on talking about?
Chris: Ah, uh, oh, turns out tha-turns out I was fooled there, apparently A.D. Vison went ou-went out of business in September 2009. I did not realize that until recently.
Jynx: Oh, I got, I got to ask you a really important question.
Jack: Who is Ginger? We just want to know; we're confused about that.
Chris: She's a fan.
Jack: She's a fan?
Chris: Yeah.
Jynx: Like us?
Jack: *inaudible*
Chris: She talked to me recently.
Jack: Oh, where does she live?
Chris: Mmm, she lives in Florida.
Jack: Florida? That's-
Chris: *cuts in* Yeah.
Jack: Pretty f-pretty far a way aways man.
Chris: Well-
Jack: *cuts in* Around.
Chris: I wasn't doing anything lately, y'know?
Jynx: Chris!
Chris: Mhm?
Jynx: Could I ask your opinion on something?
Chris: Okay.
Jynx: It's something you haven't released information or anything and it's so important I wanna ask you this.
Chris: Mhm?
Jynx: Um, do you like Digimon?
Chris: Digimon's okay.
Jynx: But you think poké-
Jack: They're just a pretty ripoff of Pokémon right?
Chris: Mmm, yeah I would dare say it's sort of a ripoff.
Jynx: But, I, I like Digimon and I like Sonichu, because I'm awesome like that; that's how I roll.
Chris: Mkay. Alright, that's cool.
Jynx: Do you like Kermit the Frog?
Chris: 'Kay.
Jynx: Would you like to speak to Kermit the Frog?
Chris: No. I-
Jack: *cuts in* He has like the best voice of doing it though.
Jynx: Yeah, I-I'm pretty good.
Chris: Alright, I'll listen to your imitation of Kermit the Frog.
Jynx: Okay, here it is, ready? *Mimics Kermit the Frog* Hi there, Kermit the Frog here speaking to Chris-Chan, which is pretty cool.
Chris: Mmm.
Jynx: You like it?
Chris: It's okay...uh, *Mimics Kermit the Frog* *Inaudible mumbling in the voice* and sound like Kermit the Frog. Ladies and Gentlemen, *inaudible name* in the audience, yay!
Jynx: Oh, wow! That was good at the end! That was excellent!
Jack: Can you hear my- can you hear my Bill Cosby voice. Do you know Bill Cosby?
Chris: Yep.
Jack: Alright, here it is. *Mimics Bill Cosby* Hello Chris-Chan, with the bippin' and the boppin' and the hippin'. *Coughs*. God that hurt.
Chris: *Mimicking Bill Cosby* Mmm, that's pretty good, but I think *inaudible* and we could talk all day long! And we could do all the jibba jabba blibba blabba.
Jynx: Oh, uh, do you know who Cleveland Brown?
Chris: Yep. *Mimics Cleveland* Oh yeah, I know Cleveland Brown. Yeah I watch the Cleveland Show. *Attempts Cleveland's laugh*
Jynx: Oh, I like his laugh, it's like *mimics laugh*.
Jack: When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed episode?
Chris: Uh, I'm sorry, I didn- I didn't understand the question.
Jack: When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed comic ser-type of like, Sonichu?
Chris: Well uh, maybe later, but not right now.
Jack: Here, I could do, I could do I good Snake voice. Let's get into it. Listen.
Chris: Mkay.
Jack: *Mimicking Snake* Otacon, this is Snake. Where are we? *cough*
Jynx: Is that the one from Super Smash Brothers?
Jack: No.
Jynx: Is-have you ever played Super Smash Brothers, Chris?
Chris: Yep.
Jynx: Do you have a friend code for it?
Chris: Mmm, yeah, but it would be hard for me to get to it right now.
Jynx: Ah.
Jack: Ah okay.
Jynx: I would love to play you because I actually don't have Snake in Brawl yet. I don't know how to unlock him.
Chris: Mmm, uh, I'm sorry, you don't-uh, you're talking about the Snake character, unlocking him in Super Smash Brothers Brawl?
Jynx: Yeah.
Chris: Mmm, you could look, you could look up the answer how to unlock him on GameFAQs, G A M E F A Q S dot com.
Jynx: Chris, who do you use?
Jack: He uses Sonic of course.
Chris: Mmm.
Jynx: Do you know that if you hack the game, you could mix Pikachu's move with Sonic, and then you can make, like Sonichu in brawl?
Chris: Hmm, that's interesting.
Jynx: That'd be cool. I used to do that; I used to hack Brawl at one point.

*End of audio*

Part 2

Transcript

Jack: Reggie Fils-Aime, I've always tried to talk with him, I've called Nintendo of America like a billion times asking to talk with him, he's like always busy.
Chris: Yeah, it turned out-it turned out between him and, uh, Sh-and, uh, Sh-
Jack: (cutting in) Shigeru Miyamoto?
Chris: Yeah. It turned out when I talked to them they turned out to be just trolls pretending to be them.
Jynx: Well, was that Clyde Cash again?
Chris: No, uh, another troll. Under Clyde Cash, I'm sure.
Jack: *mumbling* oh, oh. Have you seen "The Book of Eli" yet?
Chris: No, I have not.
Jack: You should go see it. Oh, there-here, my, uh, my little sister would like to talk to you.
Jynx: She's from Australia.
Jack: Yeah.
Girl: Is this really Sonichu? I'm really excited now!
Chris: (cutting in) Hello?
Girl: Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? I've been trying to talk with you for hours and hours now! Sonichu! Oh my god, I love this show! I love it, I love it, I love it!
Jack: (cutting in) she's just
Chris: (inaudible)
Girl: Shut up, shut up Jack, I'm talking! I'm so...oh, wow.
Jynx: Do you like Family Guy then?
Chris: Yeah, I mean, it's a good show.
Jynx: I have, do you know what my favorite Chris Chan video is? The one where you do the life in a day of Sonichu. That was great!
Chris: Yeah. Thank you.
Jynx: Yeah, I've-
Jack: (cutting in) Did you notice that Chris Mc-Chris McFarland-Seth McFarlane has put you in one of the episodes?
Chris: Uh. Sorry, I did not understand that.
Jack: Seth McFarlane, the creator of Family Guy, he put you in that one episode, where they did like, a Stephen King parody? He made Peter look just like you.
Chris: No, uh, (sound cut off) -like that.
Jynx: That's your shirt.
Girl: (speaking over Chris) Oh, I LOVE YOUUU!
Jack: (inaudible) -that you're famous though.
Chris: Hm... Indeed.
Jack: Are you ever gonna come to Anime Expo?
Chris: I might.
Jynx: Oh, what kind of anime do you like? Do you like, uh, Lucky Star? (inaudible) Naruto, Bleach? So many to choose from.
Girl: (cutting in) Oh, Anime, do you like Anime? I like Anime!
Jynx: Negime, Marty Bob? There's a whole list.
Chris: Yeah, I like a lot of anime, but I would say that I really like Excel Saga.
Jack: Excel Saga? Yeah, Nabushin's the best.
Jynx: I like (inaudible)
Jack: I don't even know what that is man.
Girl: [unintelligible], Ponies~.
Jack: [unintelligible]...(Over Chris) Me and Chris know what it's about.
Chris: Listen, I'm busy working on a this project right now.
Jack: Which project is it?
Chris: Oh it's some, uh... (static)
Jack: (Cutting off Chris) Is it like a video, or some sort of, like, game, or picture.
Chris: Yeah, it's a drawing, alright?
Jack: It's a drawing? Oh, oh, oh. Ok. Here's another Sonichu character, alright? His name is Hunter ThompsonChu... He's like, he's like a writer sort of Sonichu character, and he wears, like, um, what is it? Like, ah... Do you wa- Have you read or watched "Bleach" before?
Chris: Mm. Yeah.
Jack: You know that shopkeeper (audio fades) that hat, but a different color. And he wears, like, sunglasses. And he just, like, he types and he's just, like, a really crazy kooky character.
Chris: Alright, well, again, ya'know, send the pictures to the email or send it to the mailbag and I'll h- and I'll look at it.
Jack: (An unintelligible voice starts with Jack, then stops.) Great, and I'll go find Alec for you and I'll get him for you. I'll beat him up.
Girl: [Grainy and obnoxious] I HAVE A QUESTION!
Jynx: Chris, Chris, Chris, I wanna say something. (Mention our?) parody fandub in your next video.
Chris: Umm... I might.
Jack: We need the, um, We need the, um, We need the, uh, what is it?
Jynx: The Views.
Jack: Yeah, we need the views, please.
Jynx: And I've supported Sonichu for a long time, like, I've even posted fan-pictures on Youtube.
Jack: I'm even getting a tattoo, later tomorrow, of Sonichu, on my chest... Ultra Sonichu.
Chris: Well, I... Alight, it was nice talking to y'all but I gotta go.
Jack: Can we call you next time? Will you answer us?
Chris: Eh, I might.
Jack: Please, that would make my sister's day. Alright, Please?
Chris: Ok, hello.
Girl: Heeeeeeee. (Forced Giddiness) I have a question, I has a question, it (trails off). How long do you take drawring [sic] your pictures?
Chris: Uhh, Sometimes it can take me up to 2 or 3 hours.
Girl: Why?
Jack: You could have a drawing contest against Alec to see who's the better c-(cuts off)
Girl: I like drawing, too.
Jack: (cuts back in.) -drawings.
Girl: I like drawing... Can I draw pictures for Sonic-chan? I like drawring.[sic]
Chris: (Softly, unsure) ...yeah...
Jynx: Do you like, um, Wall-E?
Chris: Wally?
Jynx: Yeah.
Chris: I do not know what w- I do not know which Wally you're talking about.
Jynx: [simultaneously] The Pixar thing. / Eeeevaaa.
Jack: [simultaneously] The one with "WALL EEEEE and EVE" Eeevvaaa.
Chris: I've never heard of that.
Jynx: What's your favorite movie?
Chris: Mary Poppins.
Jynx: Mary Poppins?
Chris: Yeah.
Jynx: Is that the one with the dancing penguins?
Chris: Yeah.
Jynx: Is that your favorite animal?
Chris: No, pengu- No, not my favorite animal.
Jynx: What is your favorite animal?
Jack: Sonichu?
Chris: Not sure, I'm not sure at the moment. I, hey listen, I gotta go.
Jynx: Please, (???), We're your biggest fans!
Chris: Ok, thank you.
Girl: (Overtly Sensual) I really like Sonichu, too. Makes me feel... Good.

Jack: That was my sister, sorry.

Prank Call Collection

A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty Internet Lumberjack on a Sunday afternoon.

Transcript

Bob: Hello?
Chris the Hacker (soundboard): Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
Bob: Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
Chris the Hacker (soundboard): Would it be possible for me to get your name?
Bob: You called me.
Chris the Hacker (soundboard): Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
Bob: Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
Chris the Hacker (soundboard): [speaking over Bob] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
Bob: I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone. [Inaudible] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
Chris the Hacker (soundboard): [again, speaking over Bob] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
Bob: I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
Chris the Hacker (soundboard): You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
Bob: I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [Inaudible] - that's just what you are.
Chris the Hacker (soundboard): [talking over Bob again] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
Bob: Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
Chris the Hacker (soundboard): You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up tens of thousands of dollars.
Bob: I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need your crap.
Chris the Hacker (soundboard): Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
Bob: That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
Chris the Hacker (soundboard): Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
[redialed]
Bob: Hello?
Officer Martin (soundboard): Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
Bob: I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
Officer Martin (soundboard): Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
Bob: I still didn't understand you. [Inaudible] - speak distinctly.
Officer Martin (soundboard): [talking over Bob] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
Bob: I don't understand why you're callin' me.
Officer Martin (soundboard): I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
Bob: What insurance department?
Officer Martin (soundboard): Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
Bob: I beg your pardon?
Officer Martin (soundboard): I'm advising you to stop calling.
Bob: I didn't call you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
Officer Martin (soundboard): I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
Bob: Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
Officer Martin (soundboard): Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
Bob: You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
Officer Martin (soundboard): No one's called ya.
Bob: I beg your pardon?
Officer Martin (soundboard): No one's called ya.
Bob: I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
[Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on]
Officer Martin (soundboard): I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
Bob: Are- are you the sheriff's department?
Officer Martin (soundboard): Yeah.
Bob: Good. Why did you call me?
Officer Martin (soundboard): No one's called ya.
Bob: No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
Officer Martin (soundboard): Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
Bob: I didn't call you! Listen!
[call dropped; redialed]
Bob: [in the middle of a conversation with Barb]
Barbara: What's the phone number comin' in?
Bob: Nothin'.
Barbara: Well, hang up!
Bob: Hello?
Officer Martin (soundboard): Who is this?
Bob: Who the hell is this?
Officer Martin (soundboard): Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
Bob: [chuckling] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
Officer Martin (soundboard): Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
Bob: I don't know.
Officer Martin (soundboard): Who is this?
Bob: Who is this? For cryin' in a bucket...
Officer Martin (soundboard): This is the sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
Bob: Well, insurance department of what?
Officer Martin (soundboard): Big Daddy's Pizza.
Bob: Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
Officer Martin (soundboard): I'm advising you to stop calling.
[redialed]
Bob: Hello?
Frank Garrett (soundboard): Hello.
Bob: Why are you calling my phone?
Frank Garrett (soundboard): Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] - pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
Bob: YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
Frank Garrett (soundboard): [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
Bob: I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
Frank Garrett (soundboard): Fuck you.
Bob: Forget my number! Alright?
Frank Garrett (soundboard): Whatta ya need done?
[redialed]
Bob: Hello?
Frank Garrett (soundboard): Duncan Construction.
Bob: Hello?
Frank Garrett (soundboard): This is Frank Garrett.
Bob: This is who?
Frank Garrett (soundboard): This is Frank Garrett.
Bob: Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
Frank Garrett (soundboard): Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
Bob: What is on your mind, sir?
Frank Garrett (soundboard): Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
Bob: Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
Frank Garrett (soundboard): [interrupting] No.
Bob: Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
Frank Garrett (soundboard): No.
[redialed]
Bob: Hello?
Gay Florist (soundboard): Hello?
Bob: Yes, why are you calling my number?
Gay Florist (soundboard): I didn't call you.
Bob: Uhh, then, uhh, why are you speaking with me?
Gay Florist (soundboard): I have been called 15 times.
Bob: I beg your pardon?
Gay Florist (soundboard): Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?
Bob: I'm not calling you. I'm sitting here in my... living room, watching TV.
Gay Florist (soundboard): Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
Bob: Well, I don't know who you are or where you are, but- and I don't really care! But you- I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why you're cussin' at me!
Gay Florist (soundboard): OK.
[Bob goes off to talk with Barb. Meanwhile, the troll holds back a laugh.]
Barbara: Hello!
Gay Florist (soundboard): Hello?
Barbara: Who are you calling?
Gay Florist (soundboard): I didn't call you.
Barbara: Well, you're fucked up somehow! Goodbye!
Gay Florist (soundboard): I'd bust your head wide open if I could see you.
[redialed]
Bob: Hello?
Depressed Guy (soundboard): Hello?
[somber music plays in the background]
Bob: Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
Depressed Guy (soundboard): I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
Bob: I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, I'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
Depressed Guy (soundboard): My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
[call ends]

[music goes on for a while then fades out]

Failed Prank Call

In this video, a gaggle of trolls attempt to prank call Chris, yelling JULAYYYYY into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and yells at the trolls.

Transcript

Chris Calls Bob

In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone.

Transcript

Bob: Hello.
Chris (soundboard): Hello?
Bob: Why are you calling my phone?
Chris (soundboard): Good evening sir, how are you?
Bob: I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
Chris (soundboard): Don't say that.
Bob: Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
Chris (soundboard): Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
[Call likely cut - redialed]
Bob: I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
Chris (soundboard): I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
[Redialed]
Chris (soundboard): I'm high-functionally autistic.
Bob: Hello?
Chris (soundboard): Hello!
Bob: Hello.
Chris (soundboard): Good evening sir, how are you?
Bob: I'm pretty good.
Chris (soundboard): I'm good!
Bob: Why do you bother to call this phone?
Chris (soundboard): Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
Bob: Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
Chris (soundboard): What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
Barbara: Don't call us anymore.
Bob: Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
Chris (soundboard): Shut the hell up.
Bob: I'll start cussing at at you.
Chris (soundboard): You weak little son of a bitch!
Bob: Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
Barbara: [heard in the background] Hang up the phone!
Chris (soundboard): My name is Christian.
[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]
Bob: Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
Barbara: [interjects] Go to Haiti!
Bob: Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. [Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]
Chris (soundboard): Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.

[Bob hangs up]

'Epic Crazy Lady' calls Bob

A troll using a soundboard of a super loud Fundamentalist yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.

“	Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!	”
Bob

Transcript

Bob: Hello?
Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard): Hello.
Bob: Hello?
Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard): Who do you think you are?
Bob: Who are you?
Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard): I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
Bob: I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard): Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
Bob: Who are you?
Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard): You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
Bob: I beg your pardon, who or what is...
Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard): [Interrupting] God needs to move in your life.
Bob: I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard): God needs to move in your life severely!
Bob: Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard): Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
Bob: Why don't you come over here and I'll show you what's the matter?
Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard): Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
Bob: Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard): You ain't no man.
Bob: Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard): I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
Bob: I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard): Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
Bob: I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard): Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
Bob: Who do think I am?
Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard): God forgive you.
Bob: I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard): I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
Bob: I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard): [Interrupting] No, you are!
Bob: ...or whatever you are.
Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard): You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
Bob: I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard): Fine.
Bob: [In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard): I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
Bob: I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard): You have got a issue problem.
Bob: [In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard): [Unintelligible] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
[Bob hangs up]
Harlem Barber: Barbershop
Bob (soundboard): You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
Harlem Barber: [Whistles]

Bob (soundboard): Hey, buddy.

Bob Calls Himself

In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.

“	I ain't got no black ass!	”
Barbara, at, Bob

Transcript

Bob: Hello?
Bob (soundboard): Hello?
Bob: Why are you calling me?
Bob (soundboard): Why are you calling my phone?
Bob: I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
Bob (soundboard): Who the hell is this?!
Bob: Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
Bob (soundboard): Who do you think I am?!
Bob: I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
Bob (soundboard): I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
Bob: I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
Bob (soundboard): Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
Bob: I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
Bob (soundboard): I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
Bob: I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
Bob (soundboard): Good.
Bob: Okay. There is on the Internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
Bob (soundboard): [Speaking over] Who are you?
Bob: -what's happened to me.
Bob (soundboard): Who are you?
Bob: Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
Bob (soundboard): I beg your pardon?
Bob: Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
Bob (soundboard): What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
Bob: Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
Bob (soundboard): I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
Bob: I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
Bob (soundboard): Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
Bob: Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
Bob (soundboard): I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
Bob: Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
Bob (soundboard): I still didn't understand you.
Bob: Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
Bob (soundboard): Listen boy
Bob: -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
Bob (soundboard): Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
Bob: Listen I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just cut it down, cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
Bob (soundboard): I don't need your crap.
Barbara: Hello there.
Bob (soundboard): Hello.
Barbara: Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
Bob (soundboard): Who the hell is this?!
Barbara: Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
Bob (soundboard): Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
Barbara: We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of weird people out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
Bob (soundboard): You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
Barbara: I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!

Bob (soundboard): Hey buddy.

Liquid Bob calls Bob

A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, we learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

“	S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.	”
Bob, repeating himself

Transcript

Bob:-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
Liquid Bob: Is-
Bob: -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the Internet is playing games with ya.
Liquid Bob: Are you telling me that somebody out there on the Internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
Bob: That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
Liquid Bob: Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the Internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the Internet but if that's-
Bob: I don't use the Internet either, but my son does.
Liquid Bob: Oh-
Bob: These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
Liquid Bob: Your son-your son is a
Bob: -one of the ways they do it.
Liquid Bob: Your son is a cartoonist?
Bob: Yes he is.
Liquid Bob: That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
Bob: Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
Liquid Bob: I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the Internet, uh, looking up cartoons on the Internet and, uh, I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
Bob: Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
Liquid Bob: Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
Bob: Well it's Sonic and chu.
Liquid Bob: Oh oh so-
Bob: Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
Liquid Bob: Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
Bob: Ever since before the year 2000-
Liquid Bob: Oh
Bob: -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the Internet with the world.
Liquid Bob: Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
Bob: I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is called spoofing.
Liquid Bob: Spoo-
Bob: They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
Liquid Bob: Spoofing.
Bob: I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
Liquid Bob: Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
Bob: That's right.
Liquid Bob: Oh, you-your
Bob: Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
Liquid Bob: There-there are
Bob: I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
Liquid Bob: There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the Internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
Bob: Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
Liquid Bob: I am very sorry to hear that sir.
Bob: Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [laughs]
Liquid Bob: Well I-uh oh man I uh-- have you reported this incident yet?
Bob: Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this Internet crime stuff-
Liquid Bob: Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
Bob: [speaking over] -mistaken identity and everything.
Liquid Bob: -they are purposely ignoring this?
Bob: I beg your pardon?
Liquid Bob: They are purposely ignoring this?
Bob: That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
Liquid Bob: So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
Bob: That's right they won't do a thing about it.
Liquid Bob: Yeah-
Bob: The caller ID won't block it or anything.
Liquid Bob: Are you a Republican sir?
Bob: I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
Liquid Bob: That is-
Bob: I didn't vote for Obama that's-
Liquid Bob: I did not vote for Obama either.
Bob: Heh. What part of New York are you in?
Liquid Bob: I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
Bob: -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
Liquid Bob: I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
Bob: Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
Liquid Bob: General Electric?
Bob: Yeah General Electric.
Liquid Bob: Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
Bob: Yeah well I retired from there so.
Liquid Bob: Well I just want-
Bob: I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh--whate-- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
Liquid Bob: I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
Bob: I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
Liquid Bob: We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
Bob: Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
Liquid Bob: I think it's
Bob: next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
Liquid Bob: That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
Bob: Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
Liquid Bob: Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
Bob: It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
Liquid Bob: Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
Bob: That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
Liquid Bob: It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
Bob: Well I'm [chuckles] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
Liquid Bob: Uh what was-
Bob: -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
Liquid Bob: Uh yeah uh that's-
Bob: [laughs]
Liquid Bob: -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
Bob: That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
Liquid Bob: [forced laughing] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [chuckles]
Bob: That's right.
Liquid Bob: Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
Bob: -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
Liquid Bob: Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
Bob: Somebody might not like your son on the Internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
Liquid Bob: Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
Bob: Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the Internet.
Liquid Bob: Well that's just wrong.
Bob: Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
Liquid Bob: Have you gotten the police involved yet?
Bob: It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
Liquid Bob: That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
Bob: We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an Internet matter it's federal government
Liquid Bob: Apparently-
Bob: -federal government says we don't have any money.
Liquid Bob: -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the Internet; they only care if it goes on-
Bob: That's absolutely correct.
Liquid Bob: Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
Bob: -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
Liquid Bob: I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
Bob: We've learned to just ignore it.
Liquid Bob: You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [laughs]
Bob: I'll be alright.

Liquid Bob: Alright take care now.

Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler

Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the Internet, and actually thinks his son is a better person.

Transcript

Bob: Hello?
Troll: Oh, hello?
Bob: Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
Troll: Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
Bob: Why you ringin' my number?
Troll: Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
Bob: My home phone number's been on the Internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
Troll: Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, videos of your house were on the Internet?
Bob: I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
Troll: Well, um...
Bob: Why you callin' my number?
Troll: W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
Bob: I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
Troll: Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
Bob: Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
Troll: Your-
Bob: If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
Troll: [quietly] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
Bob: Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
Troll: Okay KKK cracker.
Bob: Okay, cracker.
[Troll snickers]
Bob: Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
Troll: Can't raise your damn son right.
Bob: I raised my son. My son is fine. My son has done a lot better than you have, he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are, he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
Troll: Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
Bob: No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not.
Troll: W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
Bob: Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
Troll: I do.
Bob: ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
Troll: Well, I'm not-
Bob: "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
Troll: Well, I'm just-
Bob: Thank you and good night.
Troll: Okay, bitch.

[call ends]

Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler

The same troll above makes another call to the Chandlers, this time claiming Chris harassed his 14-year old sister. It should be noted that Barb's behavior when communicating with trolls is eerily similar to that of her equally-delusional son's.

Transcript

Call Bobby Chandler

Uploaded on 21 September 2010. The two individuals call up Bob and ask him only two questions before the conversation takes a turn for the worse. In the nine minutes that followed, we learned that Bob graduated from Auburn University, was an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster for 20 years in the Boy Scouts, and that he may be a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

Despite these revelations, many trolls disapproved of the callers' tactics, as they were basically verbally assaulting an 83 year old man over things he had no idea about.

Transcript

(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)
Bob: Hello?
Troll 1: Hello.
Bob: Hello!
Troll 1: Mr. Chandler?
Bob: Who is this?
Troll 1: This is Answer Me Sanchez.
Bob: Who is Anthony Sanchez?
Troll 1: No, Answer Me Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
Bob: Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
Troll 1: Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number one, um: have you ever heard of a website called bangbus.com?
Bob: No, I’m not on the Internet.
Troll 1: Okay, um, two: What scares you more, a black man living in your neighborhood, or a gay man living in your neighborhood?
Bob: I don’t think that’s any of your business.
Troll 1: Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
Bob: (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
Troll 1: What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
Bob: It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
Troll 2: (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
Troll 1: Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
Bob: You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
Troll 2: Your son's an asshole!
Troll 1: Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
Bob: You got no reason to know this kind of stuff.
Troll 1: Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
Bob: I am relaxed, fella.
Troll 1: Well, um, good, um.
Bob: I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
Troll 1: I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
Barbara: (inaudible)
Troll 1: Nah, don't listen to Snorlax! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
Troll 2: Bob, man, you fought in Korea, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
Troll 1: Yeah, I mean, come on…
Bob: If you guys would just go to college or do something and…
Troll 1: I am in college!
Troll 2: I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
Bob: Try doing something constructive with your life.
Troll 2: I am, unlike your son.
Troll 1: That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
Troll 2: Yeah! Honor rolls, my ass!
Bob: I have my degree, fella.
Troll 2: No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
Troll 1: I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
Troll 2: Yeah, eats McDonald's?
Bob: He has his degree also.
Troll 2: He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
Troll 1: What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
Bob: It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
Troll 1: It does, 'cause you're telling us - 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
Troll 2: Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done. What's he done?
Bob: It’s none of your business.
Troll 2: It is, 'cause he tells us on the Internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
Troll 1: Yeah!
Bob: It’s none of your business. Why don’t you (inaudible, interruptions) quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
Troll 2: (indistinct) Jesus, man.
Troll 1: Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him shit his pants and get - (stammers) Let's skip that question.
Bob: Listen, fella-
Troll 1: Bob…
Bob: Hey.
(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)
Bob: I'm talkin'… I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
Troll 1: I'll get the stick!
Bob: (amid interruptions from trolls) Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
Troll 1: (muttering) Oh my god.
Bob: Second, I worked forty years for GE, and I retired from GE. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
Troll 2: What about your son?
Bob: I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
Troll 2: Fuck you, you Klansman!
Troll 1: I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
Troll 2: Fuckin' Klansman.
Troll 1: (garbled, inaudible babbling)
Bob: Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
Troll 2: Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
Troll 1: Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
(more babbling)
Bob: When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
Troll 2: (talking over Bob) My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s twenty-eight years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
Troll 1: Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for NAMBLA?
Bob: No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
Troll 1: For NAMBLA, I got it…
Bob: For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
Troll 1: Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
Bob: Boy Scouts!
Troll 2: Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
Troll 1: Yeah, NAMBLA. (lots of stammering) Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
Bob: I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
Troll 1: Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
Bob: I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
Troll 2: The Scouts are gay. The scouts are as gay as your son.
Troll 1: (nonsensical rambling) I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me more so in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, twenty years in NAMBLA-
Bob: I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you-
Troll 2: (interrupting) I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
Bob: - y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
Troll 1: Like your son, right?
Troll 2: Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
Bob: I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
Troll 1: What about your phone? I…
Bob: This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
Troll 2: Chris gave us your number.
Troll 1: I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk - talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
Bob: Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
Troll 1: 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
Bob: Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
Troll 2: (randomly interjects) Stop living in a house full of clutter!
Troll 1: I'm not harassing and bullying. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know -
Bob: Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan. [sic]
Troll 2: Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
Bob: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Troll 2: I’m so glad we’re recording this.
Troll 1: Are you part of the KKK yourself?
Bob: I was born and ra - I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
Troll 2: Holy shit!
Bob: I went to school at Auburn's. It's in the heart of the Deep South, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
(excited gibbering from trolls)
Troll 1: So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
Bob: That’s right, I graduated there.
Troll 1: All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
Bob: No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the Deep South.
Troll 1: Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what-
Bob: I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
Troll 1: Is Chris part of the KKK?
Bob: You don't wanna see it.
Troll 2: Wait, wait, wait - are you a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
Troll 1: Yeah. Yeah. All right.
Bob: I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
Troll 2: Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
Bob: Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
Troll 2: My black girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
Bob: Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
Troll 2: Like your son, Bob?
Troll 1: Bob-
Bob: It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
Troll 2: I’m talking about your son.
Bob: We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
Troll 1: This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
Troll 2: Why you gotta get so hostile?
Bob: My son has a life.
Troll 2: Whatever happened to Megan?
Troll 1: Sonichu’s not a life, man!
Bob: My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
Troll 2: That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
Troll 1: He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
Troll 2: That’s what he puts on his website.
Bob: He gets along with me fine.
Troll 2: Not on his YouTube page.
Bob: Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
Troll 2: You kinda failed at that.
Bob: (apparently misunderstanding) To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that.
Troll 2: You've failed.
Bob: Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
Troll 2: I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
Troll 1: Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
Bob: I sure do.
Troll 1: What is it?
Bob: It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
Troll 2: (inaudible) - bachelor's degree.
Troll 1: (sudden rage) You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
Troll 2: HA! Check and mate.
Troll 1: Gosh, Bob! Come on! Failed, right there. (stammering) Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
Bob: Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
Troll 1: I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking -
Bob: I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
Troll 2: No you didn’t!
Bob: I helped design and create and put the intercontinental mission in space.
Troll 2: No you didn’t!
Troll 1: (indistinct) - NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
Bob: Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
Troll 2: Epic fuckin' failure.
Troll 1: Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that (indistinct) I'm a multi-millionaire?
(Bob hangs up)
Troll 2: He hung up, man. Oh my god!
Troll 1: That was fucking awesome.
Troll 2: Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
Troll 1: Dude, upload that shit now!

Troll 2: Got it! I'm a - I'm got - got - m'kay - got it. Got it.

Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob

Most of this call is the CWC soundboard trying to get around the standard questions of the Greene County Sheriff Department's receptionist. The last two minutes involve a police soundboard calling Bob. Note: The CWCki doesn't condone or support pranking legitimate business and services (like the police) in order to prank the Chandlers.

Transcript

Receptionist: Greene County Sheriff's Department. This is [unintelligible].
Chris (soundboard): Hello?
Receptionist: Yes?
Chris (soundboard): Uhh, who is this?
Receptionist: This is the Greene County sheriff's office.
Chris (soundboard): My name is Christian.
Receptionist: Umm, 'kay. Can I get your last name?
Chris (soundboard): Christian Weston Chandler...
Receptionist: Christian Chandler?
Chris (soundboard): Yeah.
Receptionist: [overlapping slightly] Christian- then what can we do for you tonight?
Chris (soundboard): Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
Receptionist: You need the police and the ambulance?
Chris (soundboard): Yeah.
[pause]
Receptionist: OK. Why do you need the police and the ambulance?
[long pause]
Chris (soundboard): [sigh] Oh, Jesus... [sigh]
[long pause]
Receptionist: Can you tell me why you need them?
[pause]
Chris (soundboard): I'm high-functionally autistic.
Receptionist: OK... So why do you need the police? Is there something wrong?
[short pause]
Chris (soundboard): Yeah.
Receptionist: OK, what's wrong?
[long pause]
Receptionist: Can you tell me what's goin' on?
[pause]
Receptionist: Hey, Christian?
Chris (soundboard): Yes?
Receptionist: Can I get your address?
Chris (soundboard): 14 Branchland Court.
Receptionist: 14 Branchland Court? Is that where you're at right now?
Chris (soundboard): Yeah.
Receptionist: Can I get your phone number?
[pause]
Chris (soundboard): No.
Receptionist: You don't want to give out your phone number?
Chris (soundboard): I'm currently living with my mother and my father.
Receptionist: You're living with your mother and your father? Is there something wrong with them? [pause] Is that why you need law enforcement?
[pause]
Bob (soundboard): Hello?
Receptionist: Yes, this is the Greene County sheriff's office.
Bob (soundboard): I'm Robert Chandler.
Receptionist: Yes, sir. Umm, we received a call saying that you needed law enforcement to your location. Can you tell me if there's anything going on there?
Bob (soundboard): Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
Receptionist: Well, sir, we were called by this number, and they said that they needed law enforcement there. Can you tell me what's going on?
Bob (soundboard): Why did you call me?
[pause]
Receptionist: We were called, sir. We didn't call you.
Bob (soundboard): You were up and [unintelligible] along with your name
Receptionist: Excuse me?
Bob (soundboard): You come over here and I'll show you whats a matter.
Receptionist: Sir, are you threatening me?
Bob (soundboard): Yeah.
Receptionist: ...Okay, well sir we were called in request of law enforcement to your location. If there's something wrong we need to know about it before we send somebody out there.
Bob (soundboard): Can I let you talk to my wife, and you tell her why your cussin' at me?
Receptionist: Sir, I'm not cursing at you.
Barbara (soundboard): Hello there! Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are!
Receptionist: Is there anything, that I can do for you?
Barbara (soundboard): [unintelligible] this damn, uh, thing that's goin' on!
Receptionist: Okay, do you require anymore assistance from me?
Bob (soundboard): Yeah
Receptionist: ...Okay, what can I do than?
Bob (soundboard): Can I explain somethin' to you?
Receptionist: Yes you may.
Bob (soundboard): There is on the internet, a bunch of trolls; they have a program in their computers which allows them to dial numbers, anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular number they want to.
Receptionist: I understand sir, but I am not looking at a caller ID, I was called by Christian Chandler and he stated he needed law enforcement at his location, (Bob Interrupting: Yeah)
Receptionist: and he gave me this address.
Bob (soundboard): Yes.
[pause]
Bob (soundboard): Hello?
Receptionist: Yes sir?
Bob (soundboard): I beg your pardon?
Receptionist: Okay is there anything more I can do for you?
Bob (soundboard): I need you to come over here.
Receptionist: Okay why do you need law enforcement to come over there?
Bob (soundboard): What you just did was stick a knife in our back and kill us!
Receptionist: Can you repeat what you just said to me?
Bob (soundboard): Are you six years old or somethin'?
Receptionist: No sir, I am not six years old, but your phone is very staticy, and it's very difficult to hear what you're saying.
Bob (soundboard): Well, I, I've had plenty of sense in my head.
Receptionist: No one is denying you have sense in your head sir, I'm just trying to find out why law enforcement was called to your location, we just need to know if there's anything going on.
Bob (soundboard): Well I don't- well - How can I explain it any simpler to you?
Receptionist: Okay sir, thank you for your time.
Bob (soundboard): Listen boy!
Barbara (soundboard): You can [unintelligible] and shut up!
(LOUD BANG, END OF CALL)
(Audio Ends) THIS IS THE SECOND CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO
Receptionist: Green County Sheriff office, this is [unintelligible].
Chris (soundboard): YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A- You've been nothing but a pain in my side!
Receptionist: Okay can you repeat what you just said?
Chris (soundboard): I am going to find you, and I am going to have you proven as a lier!
Receptionist: Okay- what did I lie about?
Chris (soundboard): You, no no- You've been copying me for the past random 6 months!
Receptionist: Is this the Chandler?
Chris (soundboard): Yeah... Oh yeah, (Receptionist trying to interrupt) you know my address right?
Receptionist: Is this Christian? Or this the mother? (Chris interrupting.: My name..) We have law enforcement on scene now.
Chris (soundboard): My name is Christian.
Receptionist: Okay Christian, I have a deputy on scene now.
Chris (soundboard): Yup
Receptionist: Okay?
Chris (soundboard): Oh yeah you know my address right, you got mapquest to come all the way over?
Receptionist: Excuse me?
Chris (soundboard): YOU CAN FIND ME RIGHT NOW, I LIVE IN 14 BRANCHLAND COURT IN RUCKERSVILLE, VIRGINIA!
Receptionist: Okay. Is there a deputy on scene right now with you?
Chris (soundboard): No.

Receptionist: Can you hold on just one moment please?
(Call ends, Skype hangup sound heard.)

THIS IS THE THIRD, AND LAST CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO, THIS TIME TO BOB(REAL BOB) USING A DIFFERENT SOUNDBOARD (at least I think)
Bob: Hello?
Jerkop (Soundboard): Yeah police department.
Bob: I can't understand you.
Jerkop (Soundboard): You are talking to Sgt. [unintelligible]
Bob: I beg your pardon? I can't understand you.
Jerkop (Soundboard): This is Sgt. [unintelligible]
Bob: Okay, that's fine. What can I do for you?
Jerkop (Soundboard): Is this an emergency?
Bob: No, I have no emergency.
Jerkop (Soundboard): Alright, get me the nearest officers out here. We're sending the nearest officers to you out there right now to your address.
Bob: We have told you people, you at Green County. Why are you coming in on unknown numbers?
Jerkop (Soundboard): We don't take jokes; you said you needed Fire, Medical, or police assistance. This is not a joke, we're sending officers out to your house right now.
Bob: I don't- we don't have no problem!
Jerkop (Soundboard): Yeah. I got you on GPS right now, you're calling the police department.
Bob: I am not calling, I answered my phone!
Jerkop (Soundboard): Are you making a prank call to the police department?
Bob: No, I am not I answered my phone, it was ringing
Jerkop (Soundboard): Uh, you just called me.
Bob: No I didn't
Jerkop (Soundboard): [unintelligible] What is your problem?
Bob: I don't have a problem, somebody else in this world must have a problem. I dont not have a problem, I'm just sitting here watching 'I love Raymond' on T.V.
[unintelligible gibberish]
Bob: What?

[Call ends, skype hangup sound heard.]

Calls to Bob and Chris

A ~~troll posing as a~~ TRUE and LOYAL Sonichu Fan calls Bob and later Chris, demanding new comics. The lumberjack suggests that the trolls come talk with him in public, and gives his daily morning routine.

Transcript

[Phone rings for about 19 seconds.]
Bob: Hello?
Fan: Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
Bob: Uh well, he's not here right now, could I take a message?
Fan: Uh yes I-I'm a big fan of the Sonichu comics. Uh could you ask him when the uh when the community can expect another Sonichu release?
Bob: I-I don't really know and I'm not sure he's got one planned right now.
Fan: Oh.
Bob: Cause the trolls are givin' him a kinda tough time.
Fan: Yeah, I hate the trolls.
Bob: Yeah, they're - they're just kind of ah, he's kinda layin' low, I guess. Ha ha ha. I would if I were him.
Fan: My brother and I are very big Sonichu fans, and we're really lookin' forward to more of his comics.
Bob: Yeah, well I think he'd get more if all the trolls, uh, would let him alone.
Fan: Yeah.
Bob: You'll have to, ah, you'll have to get in some o' the chat rooms and tell the trolls to just lay off. They're stifling his creativity. Heh heh heh.
Fan: Yes. Well, I actually know some of the places the trolls congregate at, and I'll see if I can stop them from harassing your family and Christian.
Bob: Well, you could - you could pass on a message from me. [Fan: Uh, sure.] 'Cause I'm his father. This is Bob, if you haven't heard about me. Ev'ry morning, between 9:30 and about, uh, 10:30 or so, I'm at Burger King restaurant in Ruckersville, eating my breakfast, in the northeast corner booth of the restaurant. And if they wanna come in person and talk to me, I'm not - I don't lie to people and I don't hide under a screen name. And, uh, I'll be glad to talk to anybody and if they've got reasonable questions about Christian, I'll be glad to answer 'em. But I don't do things like that on the phone, and I don't do it on the Internet 'cause I'm not even on the Internet. But I'll be glad to talk to them in person if they're - if they're brave enough to come out in person. 'Cause I got - I got no axe to grind with any of 'em, and neither has Christian. Ha ha, and I don't know why they think he does... he doesn't. We-we'll be glad, or I'll be glad, and I'm sure if Christian knew somebody was comin' and wanted to know, he'd be there for breakfast too. So just tell em, every morning between 9:30 and 10:30 at Burger King. In Ruckersville, Virginia.
Fan: I'll be sure to let them know.
Bob: Okay? And anybody at UVA that wants to talk, uh, we-we're always there. But it's a public place, and nobody can harm anybody. Ha ha.
Fan: I will definitely be sure - to pass on-
Bob: We got nothing - you know, we got nothing to hide. Nothin' at all. So I'd 'preciate it if you'd let the trolls know that we're not secretive. Just come talk to us in person. Don't try to hide behind a computer... or the Internet. I- I thank you.
Fan: Uh, no problem. [Bob hangs up] It's been nice talking to you... Goodbye.
[At 3:50, phone rings for about 23 seconds.]
Chris: Hello?
Fan: Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
Chris: Yes. May I help you?
Fan: Uh, yes. Well, just to start off, I am not a troll, I absolutely abhor trolls, and uh, I just have a quick question. [Chris says "Mhmm"] My brother and I are huge Sonichu fans, and we were wondering when to expect another Sonichu release?
Chris: Eventually, but not right now, 'cause I'm gettin' away from the- cause I've been getting away from the Internet and all that.
Fan: Ah. I understand. I recently talked to your father, just a few minutes ago, and, uh, I've called your house before - thought you might be home, and instead I got your dad.
Chris: Yeah.
Fan: Yeah. Uh, that's pretty much the only question I had, and I thank you for answering it-
Chris: Okay. Yeah, well I gotta go. You have a good day. Bye bye.

Fan: You too.

Carlos Chantor Call

Transcript

Bob's got Cancer

Transcript

An Update on Bob

Transcript

A Chat With Bob

Transcript

[Dial tone]

Bob: Hello?
Craig: Hello Robert this is Craig and Amfermee. How are you doing?
Bob: Not to swell.
Craig: No?
Bob: No...
Craig: Are you feeling better?
Bob: No not really.
Craig: Uh your wife told us that you got out of the hospital and we just wanted to see how you're doing.
Bob: Yeah well I got through the surgery okay.
Craig: Well that's good, that's good. But how was your day?
Bob: Pretty boring.
Craig: Oh really? Why is that?
Bob: Well I've got other little problems, too.
Craig: Oh okay, alright. Well what kind of problems?
Amfermee: What happened?
Bob: Well I also have had two triple bypasses and three heart attacks and a pacemaker.
Craig: Oh wow.
Amfermee: Man.
Bob: And on top of the surgery and stuff I'm now getting fluid build up in my foot- my feet and my legs. Which could lead, I guess, to heart failure.
Craig: Oh no.
Bob: But I'm fighting it. But anyway I've been better.
Craig: Well that's good Rober- Bobby. That's good y'know. I really hope that you pull through this y'know.
Bob: Oh I will. [unintelligible overlap]
Craig: Is it possible- oh, sorry. [pause] So what are you watching Bobby?
Bob: Wheel of Fortune. What else?
Craig: Oh y'know I was just asking. I always thought you would be a Price is Right kind of man.
Bob: Anyway.
Craig: [laughs] Is it possible anyway, Bobby, that we can talk to Chris?
Amfermee: Is-
Bob: Yeah he'll make it alright. He's hanging in.
Craig: Well that's good. Y'know cause he- I was thinking about you for the last couple of days after speaking to your wife. And I was actually praying for you.
Bob: Well I made it through. I could have died in surgery really easy.
Amfermee: Oh man that's scary to think about.
Craig: That is, that is.
Bob: Well you just face it and take what comes, I guess.
Craig: Well yeah you're a pretty strong man, y'know. You served in Korea. Y'know if you can survive Korea you can survive anything y'know.
Amfermee: [whisper] Ask for Chris.
Craig: Hey Bobby is it possible that we could talk to Chris?
Bob: No he's not here.
Craig: Okay. Alright so-
Bob: He's down town. I didn't [overlap] was going.
Amfermee: We didn't know he didn't answer this phone.
Bob: No he's got his own phone.
Craig: Oh okay, nice. He probably has one of those iPhones eh?
Bob: Yeah a cell phone or whatever.
Craig: I hate my cellphone I don't even use it. You know what I'm talking about.
Bob: I don't have one.
Craig: Yeah they're so much of a neusiance. All the money you pay into it and then if you lose it- ugh.
Bob: That's the way the world goes 'round.
Craig: Yeah no I understand. It's all about making money and making tiny electronic things that you're just gonna lose.
Bob: It's all about something else too.
Craig: Oh yeah.
Bob: You're missing the most important thing.
Craig: What's that Bobby?
Bob: Most people, probably 98% of the people it's all about what can you do for me.
Craig: Exactly. I agree. That is how it's always been. Ever since the dawn of time and the pilgrims came to Plymouth Rock it's always been like that.
Bob: Yep and it'll always be that way, too. Bunch of greedy individuals in this world.
Craig: Oh unbelievably how greedy people are in this world. It's very disgusting y'know. I'm going to school and I'm so disgusted how people are in group projects for engineering and stuff. They just don't want to do any work they would rather have you do all the work for them and they get the grade. It's just horrible.
Bob: That's right and that's what I went through.
Craig: Yeah and I-
Bob: The only people that did any filling were the ones that were on the G.I. bill.
Craig: Yep.
Bob: The others just wanted to play around.
Craig: Like the ones with the money and the ones from the rich families who didn't deserve it y'know they're just the ones like "Oh let's go out and party," y'know.
Bob: Yep. That's right.
Craig: Oh man y'know. Oh! I've got some good news actually. I've actually signed up for the Reserves light armor inventry.
Bob: You did, huh?
Craig: Yeah.
Bob: You might be able to get on the G.I. bill.
Craig: Yeah you never know, hey? Serving my country and getting an education. There's nothing wrong with that.
Bob: That's the way I got an education.
Craig: That's actually how my dad got his education too. Yeah that's pretty good y'know.
Bob: That's not a bad thing. If you come back, that is. [laughs]
Craig: Oh yeah. It's not a bad thing at all. [laughs] Y'know it's just the adventure where you take a step forward and you cut the tie between family and you go off and serve your country and if you get an education out of that that's good. Better yourself and your country, I always say.
Bob: Well that's the way they figure it. They've got trained people back home then.
Craig: Yeah it's amazing like- you must have like a million awesome stories about Korea.
Bob: Not too many.
Craig: No?
Bob: I was a reserve before the Korean war.
Craig: So where were you? North Korea?
Bob: No I was in South Korea there. I was there when we liberated Korea from the Japanese.
Craig: Oh really?
Bob: You didn't know that Japan had Korea?
Craig: Yes, I remember that. They uh exported most of the rice back to Japan.
Bob: Yeah and they were using Korea as a stepping point to attacking China.
Craig: Yep. I remember that in history class.
Bob: Then in 1947 when we were in there liberating Korea from the Japanese.
Craig: I remember that. Oh man Bobby that must have been exciting for you.
Bob: Well the UN in all their great wisdoms split Korea in two, right? They gave most of Korea to China. [laugh]
Craig: Talk about a big mistake from the UN, hey?
Bob: Yeah and they did the same with North and South Vietnam.
Craig: I rememb- I remember. Yes they-
Bob: They did the same thing to Laos. There's been quite a few that they've done that to and screwed up on. They did the same thing to Czechoslovakia and then they gave all of Western Europe to Russia- Eastern Europe to Russia.
Craig: Yeah that's okay. Yeah and St-
Bob: And in all their infinite wisdom I think they screwed up a little bit.
Craig: Oh yeah like giving Israel to the Jews in WWII when that was part of Palestine and belongs to the Palestinians.
Bob: Well everybody in the world was kicking them out so what are you gonna do? You gotta put them in some place.
Craig: That is true.
Bob: They deserve a home country.
Craig: That is exactly true, Bobby, I agree with you on that.
Bob: That- [laugh] They can't seem to be happy in their own self over there.
Craig: [laugh] Exactly like. Oh man, like I- the UN is just so phenominal to me. It is such a great entity to Democracy and protecting the lives of innocent people and y'know just taking care of the human race in general and- the whole history of it all is like. It always nourished my mind. This is the reason I joined the Reserves. I wanna serve my country in Afghanistan and Iraq. And this is why I wanna be an engineer to better the lives of people.
Bob: They also broke up Persia. And Iraq and Iran.
Craig: Yes I remember that.
Bob: And Saudi Arabia. Whatever they did it didn't work too smoothly. But anyway I'm a strong believer in the UN too. I always have been.
Craig: Yeah, same here. The UN does a lot of good peacekeeping missions overseas.
Bob: In fact I have a UN seal on my car.
Craig: Are you serious?
Bob: I do. My uh license plate reads "UN Forever".
Craig: Oh nice. That is awesome like. Nah that is really awesome. My uncle did a few peacekeeping missions for the United Nations in Cyprus back in the 80s.
Bob: Yeah.
Craig: Yeah. That is awesome, Bobby. I did not know that.
Bob: Well we all got our little pet peeves I guess. [laughs]
Craig: No it's understandable. Mine's Hillary Clinton.
Bob: Anyway I gotta go. I got my foot hurting.
Craig: All right Bob. You have a great night and I'll talk to you later, okay?
Bob: Alright we'll see you. Buh-bye.
Craig: Goodbye.

[Call ends]

An Extended Chat With Bobby Episode 1

Transcript

An Extended Chat With Bobby Episode 2

Transcript

[Dial tone for 38 seconds]
Craig: God damn it answer you fruity-ass. [More dial tone] Answering Machine: We're unavailable to take your call. Please leave a message and thank you for calling.
Craig: Hey Bob how's it going? It's Craig. Just wanted to call you [distortion] to get a hold of you. Sorry about that. Uh, just brushing off some dirt off of my cell phone. Uh, I hoped to talk to you. I don't know, maybe you should-
Bob: Hello?
Craig: Oh hey Bob, how's it going?
Bob: Oh, fair I guess.
Craig: Oh that's good, that's good. Uh, it's me Craig.
Bob: Well. How you doing?
Craig: I'm doing pretty good, doing pretty good. [distortion] Just taking it easy. Just relaxing.
Bob: You finished for the year?
Craig: Oh yeah, yeah. I'm done- I'm done for the year. I'm done for the year I'm just- y'know. Taking it easy. Just wanted to see how you're doing. Talk to ya. [heavy breathing]
Bob: I'm actually not too great. But I'm okay.
Craig: Oh that's good. That's good. [breathing] That's good. Uh, hey how was your day today? I tried calling you like a few times today and I left you a message. [more breathing]
Bob: I've been down at the- I went down to WallMart.
Craig: Really?
Bob: Yeah I went out shopping.
Craig: That's good. [wheezing] That's good what did you get?
Bob: Just some things.
Craig: Oh yeah? [Darth Vader] That's good. Hey uh-
Bob: You got somebody with asthma on your end?
Craig: No, no that's just my dog. That's just my dog. Uh, I do apologise for that. I'm sorry about that. Uh, here let me just shoo him away. S-sorry about that. [pause] But hey, I was just bored and wanted to talk to ya. You know? Like uh- the family doing? How's Barbara?
Bob: Well she's uh- got worn out shopping.
Craig: Oh, yeah.
Bob: That's too bad, us old folks.
Craig: Oh you're not old, Bob. You're still pretty young.
Bob: Yeah I have to ride around on one of them carts though.
Craig: Oh really? Oh now you're still pretty young to me though, Bob. Y'know you're a good guy so.
Bob: Yeah we can go in there and get in [sounds like doctor owls] and race.
Craig: [laughs] Exactly. Oh man. Oh like I finished my exams and I find out tomorrow if I pass. And I just-
Bob: You find out? You don't know whether you passed or not?
Craig: Well I'm done the year though. There was a little computer error they said at the university though I'm pretty sure that I passed.
Bob: Well it helps.
Craig: Well yeah well it's all good. It's all good. Y'know I-
Bob: Well what are you gonna do for summer?
Craig: Actually I don't know. Uh I listed in the reserves for the military y'know maybe work with the government. Y'know in the reserve army. Or maybe I might work for the county and do construction like road repair and stuff.
Bob: Y'know a little extra time always helps.
Craig: Oh yeah-
Bob: If you've been sitting around all year. [laughs]
Craig: [laughs] Oh man, tell me about it. Like 8 ho- like 4 hours in the class like studying and reading. Oh man it's just good to get out of that. Oh but uh- yeah I'm glad to see you're doing better. I hope you feel better y'know.
Bob: Well I'm trying to come back a long way.
Craig: Oh. Well y'know you'll make it, Bob. Y'know. You're an engineer right. They just don't give up on the job they just try and solve it, right?
Bob: That's right. There's got to be another way out.
Craig: Exactly, exactly. [laughs]
Bob: I've had- got an old thing. That if you can't climb the mountain from one direction you just turn around and start in another direction.
Craig: Exactly. That is so true. That is so true. And I use like- oh. That's the saying I'm going to use next time when I'm studying for my exams and tests and stuff. Uh hey-
Bob: I'm watching an old movie here.
Craig: Oh really, which movie?
Bob: You ever watch the old movies?
Craig: Oh yeah. I love the old movies. Which old movie are you watching?
Bob: Well this is one with Will Rogers in it.
Craig: Boy Rogers?
Bob: So it's really old. Will Rogers.
Craig: Okay.
Bob: You ever heard of Will Rogers?
Craig: Will Rogers? Yeah I've heard of Will Rogers.
Bob: Yeah he's one of the greatest comedians that ever lived.
Craig: Oh really?
Bob: Anyway and this is one of the ones he made in 1935.
Craig: Okay.
Bob: And it's great. [laughs]
Craig: Uh let's [laughs along]. Let's see 1935 Will Rogers movies. Uh, is it. Is it Life Begins at 40?
Bob: No.
Craig: Uh, Downing Thomas?
Bob: I forgot the name. It's got Billy Burke in it.
Craig: Billy Burke?
Bob: It's got Billy Burke. She was the actress that was that I think played the part of Gracie Allen with George Burns in Gracie Allen. Way back in [unintelligible] days .
Craig: It's either Downing Thomas or it's in Old Kentucky I believe.
Bob: I don't know.
Craig: Oh, okay.
Bob: I didn't see the name of it.
Craig: Uh, okay I love the old movies.
Bob: It's up in- Downing Thomas. That's it. That's the name of it.
Craig: Oh, Downing Thomas. That's a good movie, Bob.
Bob: Yeah it is. [laughs] It's great.
Craig: [laughs] Who would have thought? Two engi- an engineer and a guy trying to become an engineer both love Will Rogers movies.
Bob: Yeah he was from Oklahoma.
Craig: Yeah he was actually. Yeah you're right, actually. He was born I believe in '79 and I believe he died in '35.
Bob: Yeah it was about the time he died it's a 1935 movie.
Craig: Yeah. Oh man.
Bob: It's on Turner Classic Movies right now on the cable.
Craig: Oh I love Turner Classic Movies. I especially love the old silent movies they play once in a while. Early in the morning.
Bob: Yeah. Yeah I used to lay- I used to record 'em. I loved the dubbed in soundtrack they've got now.
Craig: [Bob tries to talk] Oh man I love the- Oh, sorry sir.
Bob: Y'know they go out and hire people to write scores and perform the scores for the soundtracks for those silent movies.
Craig: Yes I do actually remember watching a documentary on that and they were talking about Lon Chaney Junior and the Phil Harmonic Orchestra or Philip Glass and that he composed orchestra scores for a few of the- Lon Chaney Junior's movies. I love that about the classic movies.
Bob: Yeah I used to- I used to watch some just to record the soundtrack they dubbed on there. The accompanying music in them.
Craig: Oh, beautiful music, eh?
Bob: Well yeah it is. Most of it. Particularly when they get the old ballroom gown and the tear jerking drama musics they got back then.
Craig: [laughs] Oh that music just always makes me- it moves me really. Because it's the artistic creativity of the one person watching something that is- that's art now and trying to dub over his own sense of creativity, art and love for that for that work of art that he's doing. Y'know.
Bob: That's right, he's interpreting what he thinks he's seeing so he can have answers for the viewer.
Craig: Exactly. [Bob laughs, Craig joins in] And that's what I love about Turner classic movies and their old score- and their remade scores. Oh but you must have seen a lot of great movies in your day, eh Bob?
Bob: Yeah I grew up with em.
Craig: Yeah like-
Bob: I used to go to the movies every day of the week except for Sunday. There were no movies on Sunday.
Craig: Yes because that is the Sabbath.
Bob: 'least where I grew up.
Craig: Yeah same here Bob.
Bob: I was in the Deep South. In the Deep South nothing happened on Sunday except for church. [laughs]
Craig: [laughs] And that's the way it should always be, right?
Bob: I think so. I think that's still a good idea.
Craig: I think so too. It's still a great idea. What really upsets me is like when I go to WallMart when I drive by a WallMart on a Sunday. And it's still open.
Bob: [laughs] Well anyway. I used to go- we had 3- I grew up in a small town. It was really a combination of a crossroads town and a cotton mill town. We had a cotton mill that was actually two little towns together. And we had 3 movie houses.

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Bob Call 6 - What'll happen to Chris?

Transcript

Rufus: Hi everybody this is Rufus from PCAssassins. Now this Bob Call number 6 was originally one hour 45 minutes. We had to cut back a lot of shit about Bob. Bob was talking about engineering and shit that we did not really care about. But you get about 16 minutes in about what would happen to Chris after he died, what about Megan and uh a whole lot of other dumb bullshit about Chris and closed captions. The first five minutes is about Chris and closed captions. We decided to keep that shit in to remind you guys that if you have a retarded child make sure that you turn on the closed captions. I don't know what that shit is all about. That's a lot of bullshit. Anyway we hope you enjoy the call, we hope you guys give us all questions to ask of Robert. But uh we hope you all enjoy Bob Call Number 6 - What'll happen to Chris. Thank you.

Bob: Well he's the one who came up with the idea of turning on the closed captions. It wasn't me. It wasn't no psychiatrist, it wasn't no PhD anywhere. It was simply Christian. And he turned on the uh closed caption on his TV and he taught himself how to read it. That was his idea and that's the way he learned how to read-
Craig: See and that's -
Bob: Talk and communicate.
Craig: And that's the exact same way why I think Chris is a genius. Because he taught himself that. And like that is so impressive. Like uh I'm actually really stunned by that actually when you were telling me that earlier. Like that's amazing like - like his life goals must be like pretty impressive though too right? Like pretty interesting?
Bob: Well he was- he was. I had him on a Commodore 64 which was the first little simple 64 bit computer y'know?
Craig: Yeah.
Bob: Way back when I had him on a Commodore 64 and he was programming that before he could talk.
Craig: Oh nice.
Bob: Well he understood it better than I did. [laughs]
Craig: [laughs]
Bob: He knows a lot more now about computers than I do. I've lost it all. Just let it go and don't even play with it anymore. I'm not even online anymore.
Craig: Oh. So- so what does he do online? Like on the computers and stuff. Like does he make his own video games, does he like write?
Bob: Well he's a genius on video games.
Craig: Yeah?
Bob: Because he has a photographic memory. Like for example there was one game called Mario World. Where they had this many many many levels of uh- up at the top there was King Koosha or somebody that you had to defeat. It was actually you got up through about 600 steps of the Mario's World game that you got to this guy and you defeated the king. King Koopa or something.
Craig: Okay.
Bob: Well I uh [laugh] I never got past level 3. At the bottom of Yoshi's Island. That's the 3rd level up now in the game out of about 1000 levels or something. I never got past level 3.
Craig: Oh nice.
Bob: Christian- he could remember all those sequences. He knew what was going to happen in the game before they- as they were about to happen. He could beat them that way. Then he was up there and beat the King Koopa in about 3 days.
Craig: Hm. And is Chris like- is your son Chris- is he a Sonic the Hedgehog fan?
Bob: Is he what?
Craig: A Sonic the Hedgehog fan. Cause you were telling me about Sonichu.
Bob: Yeah.
Craig: Okay.
Bob: Yeah Sonichu is a cross between Sonic and Pikachu.
Craig: Okay.
Bob: And that's his own creationable character.
Craig: Does he have a copyright over it?
Bob: Have a what?
Craig: Does he have a copyright on it?
Bob: He does. As a matter of fact. It's been upheld in the courts of England even.
Craig: Oh no that's pretty cool. Pretty cool actually. Oh okay.
Bob: He's a neat guy.
Craig: Oh yeah he sounds like a really neat guy uh Bob and I'd really like to talk to him some day. But [laugh]
Bob: It's just too bad that the world's so afraid of autistic children.
Craig: Yeah it is. It is. Uh yeah it is 'cause I was uh- I was- I. Ugh, sorry I'm actually kind of stumbling over my words. Like- 'cause like he had his own website I believe, right? Your son? And he like-
Bob: He had several of them. Designed them for years.
Craig: Yeah.
Bob: He's far beyond me on the computer [laughs]
Craig: Oh yeah [laughs]
Bob: In fact he's given up on the computer. He's backed off most of the time.
Craig: Oh that's terrible. Does he-
Bob: They give him such a hard time.
Craig: Oh yeah. That's- it's pretty bad y'know.
Bob: I think so [laughs] I think they should just leave him alone.
Craig: I agree with you, Bob. I agree with you like. Y'know if I were in the Ruckersville area I would totally be Chris' friend.
Bob: He's a nice guy but nobody likes nice guys. You got to be a bastard for somebody to like you, I think.
Craig: Yeah. I agree.
Bob: It's too bad that that's the way the world is.
Craig: Yeah it is. It is. I was reading some of your son's comic books actually and uh- like some of the Sonichu issues. It talked about a sweetheart named Megan. I don't know if that's a current girlfriend he has or not.
Bob: No that was one back in 199- back in the year 2000. She was just a little- little- what I would call a lowlife in the gutter bitch.
Craig: Really?
Bob: [laugh] Yeah. See but Christian didn't see her that way. But that's basically what she was.
Craig: What happened?
Bob: There's really a person named Megan.
Craig: Oh is there? Oh okay.
Bob: And uh like she- he was a. They had a Pokémon group. Y'know Pokémon?
Craig: Yes I do.
Bob: You've heard of Pokémon?
Craig: Yes I have.
Bob: Well they had a Pokémon group at the uh- local toy store down town.
Craig: Okay.
Bob: And Christian was one of the leaders of the Pokémon group. Christian used Pokémon in and out and was one of their leaders. And but he was so good at it and everything that people started hating him 'cause you're good at it, right?
Craig: Right.
Bob: They don't like it when you excel at things. And that was one of the problems where it all started with them giving him a hard time down there because he was so successful at Pokémon. And he liked Megan. And nothing could ever be said wrong about Megan. I knew what Megan was. But he didn't know what Megan was. You can never tell with- love is blind.
Craig: Mhm.
Bob: Love is- old saying that I can guarantee is true. Love is blind.
Craig: Yes.
Bob: And he was in love with Megan and nothing Megan could do was wrong, right? Even if she got a gun and put it to his head and shot him she still wouldn't have been wrong. It's just unfortunate that it works that way.
Craig: So-
Bob: Well I guess he carried the torch for her. In a way I guess his little Rosechu character he's got has essence of Charlie Brown's little red headed girl. [laughs]
Craig: Yeah. [laughs] So like how did it end?
Bob: They're still down town but Christian got thrown out of the place.
Craig: Oh really?
Bob: So he was just. He's just uh- they keep- because he was handicapped it caused problems.
Craig: Oh okay.
Bob: And most normal people do not like handicapped people. Even though Christian doesn't look handicapped. Christian still has one of the normal characteristics of autism which is socializing. He's slow to socialize and doesn't really know how to socialise much. But uh he- that's one of their real problems. Now there's all kinds of levels of autism. Okay?
Craig: Okay.
Bob: There's autism with kids that are never going to do anything- little babbling idiots. That's all it is. They're just a vegetable. There's that level of autism. It's unfortunate and I feel really sorry for those kids. There are other kids who can do a little bit and can help themselves. Then there are other ones that you think they're just normal kids 'cept some things they can't tolerate and they just blow their stack over something. They have little breaking points that you don't- that are not obvious. And there are others that grow up and can be fantastic columnists. He has two degrees in Computer Automated Graphics. And you know what that is?
Craig: Yes I do.
Bob: He's got one in architecture and one in engineering. But he can't get a job because he has this label on him called autism and the people that would hire him are afraid of what he might do 'cause they don't know. They've never seen him do it but they don't know what he might do. You see what I'm saying?
Craig: Oh yeah I'm totally following you.
Bob: People are afraid of the unknown. Well there he is a talented cartoonist with all kinds of possibilities, uh- perfect memory. Photographic memory. Two CAD and all the computer work in Flash yet nobody wants to touch him because they're afraid of what they don't know that he might do.
Craig: That that's-
Bob: They're afraid to take a step.
Craig: Yeah. That's true y'know 'cause. Because like everybody's afraid of what they don't know and from what you're telling me about Chris- Chris seems like a really outstanding guy. He took two characters. Two characters from two different genres. Created his own character. Copyrighted it. Had his own comic book seri- has his own comic book series and people are still afraid of him and like that upsets me.
Bob: He's got fanclubs all over the world.
Craig: Yeah. Like-
Bob: For Sonichu.
Craig: Oh man.
Bob: But there are a few people terrorizing him and uh- keep calling him and giving him a hard time and emulating him and telling him how bad he is and everything. And it's these few rotten apples that really spoil his life for him. Make him think he's a failure but he's really not.
Craig: Geez. Oh.
Bob: That's the [laugh] and the psychiatrists don't help you any either.
Craig: No no.
Bob: They just come in kind of like emphasise, get you when you're down.
Craig: Yeah.
Bob: And kick you when you're up. [laughs]
Craig: Yeah. [laughs] That's true. So like-
Bob: That's why I was telling you if you know anybody or come across anybody. Be it friends or relatives or anybody that has children that are autistic or ADT the uh slow learners. Anything like that y'know. Tell them that the best effective way for those kids to help them develop is to have their parents turn on the closed captions all the time. 'Cause that works. I know it works. I've seen it work.
Craig: Yeah I totally believe you Bob.
Bob: Those kids will help themselves. And no matter how much special education they get that'll do more for them than any special education they can get.
Craig: I agree Bob.
Bob: Well you can help the world if you just keep keeping your eyes out you hear anything about that. Tell them go home and turn on your closed captions and leave it on.
Craig: Oh I will.
Bob: And the kids can see it.
Craig: I will Bob.
Bob: And you'll be surprised how much you'll do for kids all over the place.
Craig: [laughs] I'll spread the word.
Bob: It's the simple things that always work.
Craig: Oh yeah. Oh it's true, it's true. The simple things are always the things that work the best and it's true. It is so true. Uh I- I have a question, Bob. Uh it's a- I'm just wondering like- y'know. Uh- (sigh) what's going to happen to Chris after you and Barbara pass away?
Bob: I don't have any idea.
Craig: No?
Bob: He can function pretty well on his own. I'm not sure he can make a living. But maybe the system will step up to its bar and take him in. Who knows? And then if we weren't there they'd have to appoint themselves as his guardians or whatever. And when they did he'd be their responsibility and not ours. But right now he's our responsibility. Y'see?
Craig: Yeah.
Bob: If they behave irresponsibly then they have safehouses and things. I know it. They have systems set up so they can get handicapped children jobs. Or handicapped people jobs. [unintelligible distortion] certain industries, certain people in town take on these people on the basis of- and knowing they're handicapped. And then working with them a little bit. But you see I don't know that. But I bucked the odds. They wanted to put him in an institution and lock him away all his life when he was little. And I went the other way and I got him an education. And I got him almost out of it- he's- he's what you call high functioning autistic. He's spreading out down town now. He's not here.
Craig: Hm.
Bob: So he's taking care of himself. He drives, he does whatever he wants.
Craig: Yeah.
Bob: But uh he could be a productive citizen. And uh- he thinks just like I do. I- I- I think- I'm a free thinker. And I'm always willing to try and look for a way to do something and I suppose we do it one way now but it's not the best way to do it. And he thinks the same way.
Craig: Yeah.
Bob: Like if you can't get up the mountain one way you take another trail, right?
Craig: Oh yeah, totally.
Bob: Most people don't feel like that. They don't even think about that. They just give up and [laugh] stop. And that's the end of it.
Craig: [laughs] Oh-
Bob: But just I don't know. I get a- I get a kick out of a lot of these professors and everything in college 'cause I was doing things and I was doing things for them while I was an engineer working for GE that they never thought of.
Craig: Yeah exactly.
Bob: And the only reason they didn't think of it was because they were kind of blind. I tried to explain it to my wife one time. I think I've always had the knack of looking at a forest and seeing the trees. Rather than looking at a forest and seeing just a green blur. And I think that makes a difference. Wonder if that makes any sense or not.
Craig: Oh it does. It does, Bob.
Bob: 'Cause if you don't look at things with an open mind like 'hey is there a better way to do this?' I mean just because we put our right leg into our pants first this morning, would it be better f we put our left leg in our pants this morning first?
Craig: [laughs]
Bob: Well maybe it would. Nobody tries it, right?
Craig: Oh yeah. Yeah.
Bob: There's all kinds of. There's [laughs] it's just amazing what you can find out if you alter one little thing.
Craig: Yeah just-
Bob: You might come up with something that's what was boring would be completely not boring.
Craig: So true. So true. Like. It's like engineering has opened my eyes up to a whole new way of thinking I've never actually thought before.

[pause lasting 1 minute and 30 seconds]

Chats and calls

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-[Call ends]
+[Dial tone for 38 seconds]
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> God damn it answer you fruity-ass.
+[More dial tone]
+Answering Machine: We're unavailable to take your call. Please leave a message and thank you for calling.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Hey Bob how's it going? It's Craig. Just wanted to call you [distortion] to get a hold of you. Sorry about that. Uh, just brushing off some dirt off of my cell phone. Uh, I hoped to talk to you. I don't know, maybe you should-
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Hello?
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Oh hey Bob, how's it going?
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Oh, fair I guess.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Oh that's good, that's good. Uh, it's me Craig.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well. How you doing?
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> I'm doing pretty good, doing pretty good.  [distortion] Just taking it easy. Just relaxing.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> You finished for the year?
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Oh yeah, yeah. I'm done- I'm done for the year. I'm done for the year I'm just- y'know. Taking it easy. Just wanted to see how you're doing. Talk to ya. [heavy breathing]
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I'm actually not too great.  But I'm okay.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Oh that's good. That's good. [breathing] That's good. Uh, hey how was your day today? I tried calling you like a few times today and I left you a message. [more breathing]
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I've been down at the- I went down to WallMart.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Really?
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yeah I went out shopping.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> That's good. [wheezing] That's good what did you get?
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Just some things.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Oh yeah? [Darth Vader] That's good. Hey uh-
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> You got somebody with asthma on your end?
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> No, no that's just my dog. That's just my dog. Uh, I do apologise for that. I'm sorry about that. Uh, here let me just shoo him away. S-sorry about that. [pause] But hey, I was just bored and wanted to talk to ya. You know? Like uh- the family doing? How's Barbara?
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well she's uh- got worn out shopping.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Oh, yeah.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> That's too bad, us old folks.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Oh you're not old, Bob. You're still pretty young.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yeah I have to ride around on one of them carts though.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Oh really? Oh now you're still pretty young to me though, Bob. Y'know you're a good guy so.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font>  Yeah we can go in there and get in [sounds like doctor owls] and race.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> [laughs] Exactly. Oh man. Oh like I finished my exams and I find out tomorrow if I pass. And I just-
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> You find out? You don't know whether you passed or not?
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Well I'm done the year though. There was a little computer error they said at the university though I'm pretty  sure that I passed.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well it helps.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Well yeah well it's all good. It's all good. Y'know I-
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well what are you gonna do for summer?
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Actually I don't know. Uh I listed in the reserves for the military y'know maybe work with the government. Y'know in the reserve army. Or maybe I might work for the county and do construction like road repair and stuff.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Y'know a little extra time always helps.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Oh yeah-
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> If you've been sitting around all year. [laughs]
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> [laughs] Oh man, tell me about it. Like 8 ho- like 4 hours in the class like studying and reading. Oh man it's just good to get out of that. Oh but uh- yeah I'm glad to see you're doing better. I hope you feel better y'know.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well I'm trying to come back a long way.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Oh. Well y'know you'll make it, Bob. Y'know. You're an engineer right. They just don't give up on the job they just try and solve it, right?
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> That's right. There's got to be another way out.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Exactly, exactly. [laughs]
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font>  I've had- got an old thing. That if you can't climb the mountain from one direction you just turn around and start in another direction.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Exactly. That is so true. That is so true. And I use like- oh. That's the saying I'm going to use next time when I'm studying for my exams and tests and stuff. Uh hey-
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I'm watching an old movie here.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Oh really, which movie?
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> You ever watch the old movies?
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Oh yeah. I love the old movies. Which old movie are you watching?
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well this is one with Will Rogers in it.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Boy Rogers?
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> So it's really old. Will Rogers.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Okay.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> You ever heard of Will Rogers?
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Will Rogers? Yeah I've heard of Will Rogers.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yeah he's one of the greatest comedians that ever lived.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Oh really?
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Anyway and this is one of the ones he made in 1935.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Okay.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> And it's great. [laughs]
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Uh let's [laughs along]. Let's see 1935 Will Rogers movies. Uh, is it. Is it Life Begins at 40?
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> No.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Uh, Downing Thomas?
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I forgot the name. It's got Billy Burke in it.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Billy Burke?
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> It's got Billy Burke. She was the actress that was that I think played the part of Gracie Allen with George Burns in Gracie Allen. Way back in [unintelligible] days .
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> It's either Downing Thomas or it's in Old Kentucky I believe.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I don't know.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Oh, okay.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I didn't see the name of it.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Uh, okay I love the old movies.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> It's up in- Downing Thomas. That's it. That's the name of it.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Oh, Downing Thomas. That's a good movie, Bob.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yeah it is. [laughs] It's great.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> [laughs] Who would have thought? Two engi- an engineer and a guy trying to become an engineer both love Will Rogers movies.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yeah he was from Oklahoma.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Yeah he was actually. Yeah you're right, actually. He was born I believe in '79 and I believe he died in '35.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yeah it was about the time he died it's a 1935 movie.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Yeah. Oh man.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> It's on Turner Classic Movies right now on the cable.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Oh I love Turner Classic Movies. I especially love the old silent movies they play once in a while. Early in the morning.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yeah. Yeah I used to lay- I used to record 'em. I loved the dubbed in soundtrack they've got now.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> [Bob tries to talk] Oh man I love the- Oh, sorry sir.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Y'know they go out and hire people to write scores and perform the scores for the soundtracks for those silent movies.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Yes I do actually remember watching a documentary on that and they were talking about Lon Chaney Junior and the Phil Harmonic Orchestra or Philip Glass and that he composed orchestra scores for a few of the- Lon Chaney Junior's movies. I love that about the classic movies.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yeah I used to- I used to watch some just to record the soundtrack they dubbed on there. The accompanying music in them.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Oh, beautiful music, eh?
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Well yeah it is. Most of it. Particularly when they get the old ballroom gown and the tear jerking drama musics they got back then.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> [laughs] Oh that music just always makes me- it moves me really. Because it's the artistic creativity of the one person watching something that is- that's art now and trying to dub over his own sense of creativity, art and love for that for that work of art that he's doing. Y'know.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> That's right, he's interpreting what he thinks he's seeing so he can have answers for the viewer.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Exactly. [Bob laughs, Craig joins in] And that's what I love about Turner classic movies and their old score- and their remade scores. Oh but you must have seen a lot of great movies in your day, eh Bob?
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> Yeah I grew up with em.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Yeah like-
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I used to go to the movies every day of the week except for Sunday. There were no movies on Sunday.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Yes because that is the Sabbath.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> 'least where I grew up.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> Yeah same here Bob.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I was in the Deep South. In the Deep South nothing happened on Sunday except for church. [laughs]
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> [laughs] And that's the way it should always be, right?
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> I think so. I think that's still a good idea.
+<br><font color="#52443c">'''Craig:'''</font> I think so too. It's still a great idea. What really upsets me is like when I go to WallMart when I drive by a WallMart on a Sunday. And it's still open.
+<br><font color="#00AF33">'''Bob:'''</font> [laughs] Well anyway. I used to go- we had 3- I grew up in a small town. It was really a combination of a crossroads town and a cotton mill town. We had a cotton mill that was actually two little towns together. And we had 3 movie houses.
+{{Transcription}}
 }}

Difference between revisions of "Prank calls"

Revision as of 06:53, 16 May 2011

Contents

DPF phonecalls

Part 1

Part 2

Prank Call Collection

Failed Prank Call

Chris Calls Bob

'Epic Crazy Lady' calls Bob

Bob Calls Himself

Liquid Bob calls Bob

Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler

Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler

Call Bobby Chandler

Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob

Calls to Bob and Chris

Carlos Chantor Call

Bob's got Cancer

An Update on Bob

A Chat With Bob

An Extended Chat With Bobby Episode 1

An Extended Chat With Bobby Episode 2

Bob Call 6 - What'll happen to Chris?

Navigation menu

Difference between revisions of "Prank calls"

Revision as of 06:53, 16 May 2011

DPF phonecalls

Part 1

Part 2

Prank Call Collection

Failed Prank Call

Chris Calls Bob

'Epic Crazy Lady' calls Bob

Bob Calls Himself

Liquid Bob calls Bob

Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler

Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler

Call Bobby Chandler

Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob

Calls to Bob and Chris

Carlos Chantor Call

Bob's got Cancer

An Update on Bob

A Chat With Bob

An Extended Chat With Bobby Episode 1

An Extended Chat With Bobby Episode 2

Bob Call 6 - What'll happen to Chris?

Navigation menu

Search