Mumble 7

Mumble 7 is the seventh of the Mumble chats involving Chris, held on 13th February 2009. Appears to be the genesis for the videos proving Chris' strength and fighting skill, though these would not materialise for several months.

Summary

• A fan talks to Chris about putting naked posters of girls and pictures of men up in his room up to find out if his friend was a homo as Chris suggested. He tells Chris that his girlfriend dumped him over the posters and his friend ignored all of them. Chris sees nothing wrong with his advice until Julie tells him that she wouldn't like that. Chris recommends sending an anonymous letter explaining the situation and utterly fails to apologise or show concern for his shitty advice ruining a fans life.
• Fans point out that Chris shouldn't have to show and prove that he is straight. No effect.
• Chris cuts a fan off to let Julie ask a question involving shota.
• Fans ask Chris to turn his loud-ass radio down.
• Chris uses Wal-Mart printer paper & RSVP ballpoint pen to draw, and a 50-pack of Crayola markers to colour. Refuses to use colour pencils or Photoshop to colour, says he prefers the markers.
• Chris talks about Omicron's redone version of Sonichu, accusing him of plagiarism. Says that the difference between what Omicron is doing and what he is doing is that Sonichu is his. Agrees to let Omicron continue if he credits Chris with the copyright.
• Julie is convincing Chris to make videos proving to Clyde how strong he is. Chris feels that the dildo breaking video proved this. Fans say that Chris' dildo comes apart naturally for cleaning. Chris says that it was glued together at the seams.
• A fan recommends making a video showing off his fighting moves to scare Clyde. Chris says he'll try it.
• Chris is asked why he would use a dildo in proving that he is straight. Chris says that he is straight for crushing it, fans call him a homo for keeping it. Questions as to why it had batteries in it are left unanswered.
• Chris denies using the dildo, and claims that it's now broken. Fan says it could easily be reassembled. Chris is adamant that it was glued and that it took a lot of strength to pull it apart.
• When asked by Julie, Chris admits using super-shears from Cutco to break the dildo glue, claiming to use a lot of strength in the process.
• Fans discuss SheCameForCWC.jpg. Chris insists that it was drawn in protest of ED. He says it was anonymous, as most women have long brown hair and her eyes were censored.
• Insists that the Rule 34 of Angelica Rosechu is masturbating and enjoying it, and is using her hand to do it.
• Chris thinks Billy Mays is on Home Improvement. Makes a big deal about admitting he's wrong.
• Chris isn't doing anything on Valentine's Day, as Julie is not there yet.
• Chris discusses the the No-Redheads policy in his sweetheart search. Says that redheads don't attract him unless they are not natural redheads. No piercings or tattoos allowed.
• Chris is OK with blue hair. Does a terrible Marge Simpson impersonation.
• Chris impersonates Comic Book Guy and Donald Duck.
• A fan presents the possibility that AIDS was sent by God to kill the homos. Chris considers it with no opinion.
• Premarital sex being forbidden in Christianity is discussed. Chris fumbles in explanation.
• A fan pretending to be black says he believes the government made AIDS to get rid of black people. Chris says that that's the kind of thing a black guy would say.
• Premarital sex comes up again. Chris compares it to using porn to practise and learn skills for later. Fans tell him that porn is unrealistic.
• The fake black fan calls Chris on his comment from earlier about black guys and AIDS. He makes the excuse that someone else said it first. He takes it back under pressure.
• Questions on Sonichu start. Sonichu doesn't wear clothes because it doesn't matter; it's a comic. Chris isn't sure how Blake sounds. He might sound black, he might sound like Shadow the Hedgehog.
• The fake black fan asks why the bad guy has to be black, also mentioning Silvana. Chris says that he doesn't have to be.
• Chris gets cunty about the pronunciation of Rosechu as popularised by the Old Narrator of the Audiobooks.
• Chris doesn't disagree that the Audiobooks made Sonichu more popular that he ever did.
• He doesn't mind fan-fics that don't portray Sonichu in a bad light.
• The audio goes low in the main chat and a fan has a private, unrelated conversation for a few minutes.
• Audio comes back as Chris is admitting that the B-Manajerk was black in real life.
• Chris doesn't watch the news, so doesn't have an opinion on Obama. He voted for him because he saw a documentary where he saw more of himself in Obama, namely that he was an outcast at one point.
• A fan says that you should vote based on politics, not personality. Chris says that he is a moderate.
• Chris doesn't know what the financial bailout is. He says that he drew the racist picture of Obama based on his father's joke, before he saw the documentaries that made him vote.
• Chris will not agree or disagree with interracial dating/marriage. He would want a white woman, but he would be friends with others. He would marry a Japanese woman.
• It's not yet known if Silvana will be a good guy or if she will be lose her dick.
• Chris doesn't know what he wanted to be when he was younger, he's just making it up as he goes along.
• Chris is keeping the name changes in the comics for legal reasons.
• A fan suggests Slaweel cursing Rosechu to have a dick. Chris gets cunty before saying that he'll think about it. The fans think it's a great idea. One considers a talking penis for Rosechu. Chris says it's a stupid idea.
• Another fan asks about Chris being sacked from Wendy's. He denies scaring the child with his Donald Duck impersonation, saying that he didn't make him cry.
• Chris might release his DVD one day.
• A fan says that Chris has influenced underground rappers such as Immortal Technique, who has sampled him. Chris hasn't seen any of these videos.
• Chris takes requests. Impersonates MC Hammer, Dr Nick Riviera, Peter from Family Guy, Mario and Sonic, butchering them all and tainting our childhood memories.
• More Sonichu questions. Chris won't upload Zapina Rule 34 because she is underage and Chris is worried about legal ramifications. When he was reassured that this would be legal, he said he would consider it. He will also consider Sonichu-Rosechu anal sex. Rosechu would not clean the pickle with her mouth, she would clean it off with a washcloth. He would not sell the the washcloth on EBay.
• Chris calls a stop to the potty humour displayed throughout the Sonichu questions.
• Chris denies that Yawning Squirtle is a character.
• Fans ask for a joke. He recites a dreadful rhyme about Videogame consoles. He then tells his awful trademark sex joke.
• Fans start to tell racist jokes about black people and Mexicans. Chris calls for a stop to this.
• A fan says that his friend masturbated to the adult section of Sonichu and is now worried that his friend is a homo, as they were drawn by a man. Chris says that this is what he intended it for, and they are drawings of women, so his friend is straight. He doesn't masturbate to his own drawings.
• Chris reassures a fan that masturbating in the same room as another man isn't gay as long as both men are thinking of women, but he would not do this.
• Chris offers no comment as to what constitutes adultery.
• Chris says that he is patriotic. He manages to mangle the three lines of the National Anthem that he knows. He then tells a 'patriotic' joke that is insensitive to Mexicans. the fans call him on his "no more racist jokes" statement from earlier.
• Chris does a poor impersonation of Mr T. Says that he never watched the A-Team.
• Chris says that if you are married, sleeping with someone else isn't cheating if you have consent from your spouse.
• Chris gives more advice on homos and recommends Axe body spray for attracting girls.
• Chris has not met any celebrities, only local DJs.
• Does impersonations of Homer Simpson and Bender. The two sound identical to each other.
• Chris gives dating advice: Stay calm, polite, friendly and don't let your nerves get the best of you. Say "Hello, how are you" and talk about yourself. His mom told him that standing around with a sign makes him look retarded. A female fan cracks up laughing and can't stop.
• "Those who can't, teach"
• Chris says he has never even been on a date. Rejects dating suggestions from fans.
• Chris was close with Sarah "PandaHalo" McKenzie, but hasn't heard from her in over two weeks. He heard about the fires and doesn't know if she's still alive. When a fan adds that 108 people were killed in the fires, Chris responds to the entire ordeal with "It's OK though, at least I have a good woman who's willing to be by my side at this point".
• When pushed, he says he feels remorse for the the victims of the fires and is concerned that Panda is dead. He prays every day that she is safe and well.
• He asserts that he didn't abandon Sarah for Julie.
• A fan says that if Sarah isn't alive, Chris should take solace that her perfectly barbecued remains fed the survivors. Chris replies with SHUT UP!!!
• Chris says that he cares about Sarah and Julie equally and wouldn't dump Julie as a friend. A fan asks what he will do to the survivors who ate Sarah. Chris replies with "SHUT UP!!!" and demands that he be booted.
• Fans reassure Chris that Sarah is probably OK.
• Chris does abominable impersonations of Uncle Ruckus from The Boondocks and Hank Hill. He sings "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There". Fans are shocked, but don't call him on it. He also impersonates Meowth and sings the Team Rocket song.
• Clyde enters. Chris refuses to answer questions and leaves.

Transcript

Guy: Chris!
Chris: Hey y'all! (echoes)
Guy: I'll be damned.
Other Guy: Hey Chris.
Chris: Hey y'all.
Fan: Uh, Chris--[gets cut off by another guy]
Chris: Uh you know, can't com-- it's uh, can't complain.
Other Guy: How's construction of the site?
Fan: it is so Chris
Chris: Yeah?
Fan: Well I...I need to ask you something.
Chris: Yup?
Fan: Uh.. I put those posters, of the... Playboy and everything in my room, and uh, one of my girlfriends saw it, and she got mad at me for looking at other w--... other girls, and she broke up with me.
Chris: Oh... I'm sorry to hear that. It could--
Fan: Yeah, she called me a pervert. I-I don't understand this.
Chris: Did you... did you ex-- did you try to explain to her about situation between you and that guy?
Fan: I... I did, and I don't think she understood.
Chris: Hmmm... well, you should try, you should, uh, s--... try, uh, you should try wr--, you should tr--, uh, do you know her email address?
(pause)
Chris: So, uh--
Fan: A-also, wait... also, uh, the friend, I was talking about, he, uh, lives with us, and [typing noises] he, uh, he went into my room, and didn't even notice the posters. He just s-sat in the middle, and he didn't s...see any uh, part of the room.
Chris: Huh. Hmm.
Fan: So, uh... so, yeah, I don't know. I mean, my girlfriend broke up with me, called me a pervert, said that I shouldn't be looking at other girls, I mean... I don't know what to do now.
Chris: Well listen, uh, answer my question, do you have her email address?
Fan: Umm... yeah, but she won't... she won't answer me anymore.
Chris: Hm... ok, hmm. Here's what you can do, uh... Do you know your girlfriend's... any of your girlfriend's gal-pals?
Fan: No.
Chris: Hmm... well, you should try to.. like wr-- you should write out... hmm... hmm... here's an idea. S-- Write a letter to her and send it via smail mai--, via snail mail, but don't write the return address. On it.
Fan: What should I write?
Chris: Just like, you know, like, they, you know, this is... you know, this is... you, uh, you put your name there, and you, it's, and then you would basically explain the situation between you and that guy, and that's why you had the posters up, well that's why you put the posters up.
Fan: I don't understand what was the point of the posters in the first place?
Chris: (sighs) it's... (sighs) if he looks at... if he, if he is very interested, if he is, if he was straight, he would uh, look at the women. Very much.
Fan: But he didn't even notice them. He didn't notice any of the posters.
Chris: Hmm. Well, I guess he is a homo.
Fan: W...well, um, he wasn't looking at anything, not even the guy posters.
Chris: Hmm. Hmm... He's not blind, surely.

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See Also

Christian's sex joke - Used during this chat.

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