Mumble 9.5

Mumble 9.5 is the continuation of the ninth of the Mumble chats involving Chris.

Summary

Chris rejoins the Miscreants in chat. Clyde and the Miscreants again bombard Chris with accusations that he doesn't care about his Aunt Corina's death, and he's more sad that a funeral is ruining his birthday. The trolls again accuse Chris of wasting money on video games (with Clyde leveling the accusation that Chris and his family have spent more than $20,000 on games), and Chris offers little of substance in response.

Chris eventually storms out of the chat after being told he is afraid to go outside, and that leaving his house for a change is the only way to get the Miscreants to leave him alone.

In one of the more famous Mumble moments, Chris admits that he may be "retarded" and that his mind doesn't think so quickly... making it obvious why he goes out of his way to mock "slow-in-the-minds."

(00:00)

• The chat begins in the middle of a conversation between Clyde and Chris.
• Clyde says Chris has improved nothing in his life

(00:30)

• Chris says he has been thinking "very hard" about getting a job, going to Julie, and convincing Bob and Barb that Julie is real

(01:00)

• Chris feels it is significant he is ready to spend "fifty to a hundred" dollars to go see Julie

(02:00)

• Chris says the trolls do not realize how much stress he has because he must go to a funeral for his Aunt Corina and that it is "happening on his birthday of all days"
• Clyde says Chris is more sad about his birthday than Aunt Corina

(02:30)

• Chris seems that he is crying over Aunt Corina

(03:00)

• Chris's blubbering suddenly improves and stops, indicating that it's likely bogus
• Clyde tells trolls to let Chris cry

(03:30)

• Chris says he is "possibly retarded," since his mind doesn't think so swift.
• Chris says he often doesn't even give thought to the actions he does

(04:00)

• Hearing about the fire "made Chris so sad" and he "cried his heart out"

(05:00)

• Chris says love is like "standing on top of a mountain" and having "good wind" blow through your hair
• People are to get to know each other through "pleasant conversation" and it is not all about the "bonus round"

(06:30)

• Chris says women should get to know men "from the inside."
• Chris felt "true honest respect" from Julie, Blanca, Sarah May, Sarah Jackson and Panda

(08:00)

• Clyde says if he knew what true love was, Chris would know they were trolls. Chris says "trolls or not, I still care about them very much."

(08:30)

• Chris has got "some good memories" of those women

(09:30)

• Chris claims he has learned from his mistakes and learned how to sort the "true from the false"

(10:30)

• Chris angrily responds to a question about Megan

(11:00)

• Clyde asks whether Chris realizes why Megan left. After a pause, Chris says it is because he "got into her personal space" and "violated her drawing"

(12:00)

• Chris says he feels the sexy drawing and sexy websites are "appropriate" and says "the eyes are censored and you can't recognize Megan"

(13:30)

• The trolls insult Chris and tell him they haven't slandered him- they've only posted his words
• Chris claims he has been misinterpreted and has gone through "so many revolutions and personal upgrades for the better"

(14:30)

• Clyde says the Miscreants have estimated Chris has spent over $20,000 on video games in his life

(15:30)

• Chris blames the ED page for not getting a job

(16:00)

• Clyde attacks Chris for misspending his tugboat. Chris says he spends his money by paying the bills, his rent, and credit cards.

(16:30)

• The trolls say there is no way Chris will ever support a family
• Clyde accuses Chris of being $2000 behind in credit card debt

(17:30)

• Clyde says the Miscreants can't be stopped, and Chris stops answering

(19:00)

• Chris says he goes outside every day, but changes the subject.
• Chris says Max has said to pass on the message that Julie will be at HQ in ten minutes

(19:30)

• Chris says "most everything I tell you is the truth"

(20:00)

• Chris angrily yells that he did not have the money or support to go see Miyamoto

(20:30)

• Chris says he went out with Bob to get breakfast, since Bob likes the company
• Chris reads comic strips in newspapers.

(21:00)

• Clyde says Bob wants someone intelligent to talk to, but all he has is Chris
• The trolls say Chris is a bad son, and his parents have spent a lot of money on him.

(21:30)

• The trolls say Chris should make his own decisions and not just do everything Bob and Barb want

(22:00)

• Chris says he is "more likely to stick to a routine"
• Clyde says Chris will just keep going downhill
• Chris's only response is to tell the trolls to "shut up," and he leaves the chat
• The trolls discuss the next chance to troll Chris and what BlueSpike should do next

Transcript

[between 0 and 13 minutes]

“	Ahhh Jesus Christ	”
Chris, Once again showing us his devout Christian ways

Clyde: We've given you so many chances to improve yourself, I've tried to help you
Chris: Clyde to your big question I didn't have my (something) on
Clyde: I've been trying to help you this entire time, but I've grown tired of you doing nothing
Chris: I have been doing something
Clyde: What have you done?
Chris: I have been making plans, I have been thinking very hard about getting a job and about going to Julie and convincing my family that she is, that she is a real woman. [sigh]I'm probably, I'm not lying, spending about 50 to 100 dollars of my own money just to try, just to try go up and visit her
Clyde: How much money?
Chris: 50 to 100
Clyde: That's not a lot. (Something). That's chump change in today's society. A long time ago one of our former former (something) Vivian (something) but anywayed to help you but you didn't listen
Chris: Well look I'm sorry. look I'm sorry about look I'm sorry about a lot of my past mistakes about not listening to everyone ok, but I've been under a lot of stress
Clyde: What is this stress? You always cite stress
Chris: Stress STRESS, Stress of the mean people that ha has give me such bad mark uh that have made a bad name and such
Troll 1: Chris you don't know what stress is, you don't have a job you don't go
Chris: [interrupting] I have a lot of stress in my life, my Aunt Corina and I have to go to her funeral and I'm going to be very sad that day and the funeral is happening on my birthday of all days
Clyde: Shouldn't you be more sad about her than your birthday?
Chris: I am very upset about my Aunt Corina, she was a very sweet woman
Clyde: But you seem to be complain about it being on your birthday
Chris: Look, stop talking about that ok. I love my [Clyde butts in with a half formed sentence] I feel sympathy for my Aunt Corina. She smoked and when she went to the hospital she died at age 75 her her her (something) deteriorated her left lung and her liver and her brain
[both Clyde and Chris go to speak]
Clyde: Go ahead, sure, why not
Chris: and they kept her alive as long as they could, they could, till she breathed... her last breath
[chris pulls out an academy award wining performance of tears]
Chris: [between sobs and with a heavy heart] We knew that she was dying (chris is too emotional here to make out what he is saying) and that we were able to say we loved her one last time, over the phone. [sob]
Clyde: well they did their best
[Trolls mock and imitate chris]
Clyde: Silence, let him cry, let him cry. (something) but this does not excuse for all your other past actions.
[Chris has made a miraculous mental recovery from his emotional state]
Chris: [loud sigh] look I'm unfit, I'm possibly retarded ok my mind doesn't think so swift. I I uh I'm likely even to make mistakes on the fly without realizing it. Sometimes I don't even give thought to something I've said (something) but I can give a lot of before when I move from, pe uh, move from, uh, move from Panda to Julie, because I though, I thought she had died in that fire. I was I uh my heart was petra uh about that possibility after I about that fire in Austra- uh post, It made me so sad [sobs creep back into Chris's voice]
Clyde: Now this I can't believe. I believe your Aunt Corina and I'm sorry for your loss but about Panda, NO
Chris: I cried my heart out
Clyde: and then you just moved on, just like that
Chris: NO, I uh, no I did not move on just like that
Clyde: But you claimed she was your love your love. You don't know what love feels like chris
Chris: I do know what love feels like
Clyde: What does it feel like then chris? Can you describe it?
Chris: [sigh] it's... uh [sigh] it's indescribable, it's a priceless feeling, it's like you know you feel most elated, it's like your standing on top of a mountain with the wind blowing through your hair and it's a good wind. It's just uh love feels so good. True love feels so good especially when it uh comes between two people who have known each other for a long while and have got to know each other through pleasant conversation. And uh you know the bonus rounds are there too I mean I'll admit that but what I enjoy most are the pleasant conversations and learning about the kind sweet uh kind sweet women that they are [sigh] and that they care me and respect me very much and it just makes me feel so much better to know that I'm respected by the women. Because I felt, because it's like I don't get a lot of respect from people, from bad people like y'all being mean like right now. And this is just [tears welling and emotion rising] is making me want to cry.
Clyde: You said the women. are you talking about a singular person or all women?
[once again chris has composed himself amazingly well]
Chris: No, no I said women, women
Clyde: You mean you want to be respected by everyone? All the women. You want to love them all?
Chris: No
Clyde: or is it down to one person?
Chris: No uh wait. Now your twisting my words around
Clyde: I'm just saying whatever you say
Chris: [sigh] Look I could uh, its a, look when I talk about the respect from a woman I'm talking about honest respect like after she's got to know me from the inside like uh most women should get to know their man, before they go have a relationship with them or or whatever. And if Julie just, you know between Blanca and Sarah Jackson and Panda, Sarah May and Julie. I was very happy that day when I felt such respect when I felt the true honest respect of them. And there's noth- you know uh you know I'm sorry to have forgot to have mentioned Sarah May when I mentioned Julie (something) when I was asked a question about naming friends. I'll admit I'll admit I was wrong. I was wrong I was wrong and I thank Julie very I mean Sarah Mayver, damn it, I did it again. I got mixed up. You, Y'all mixed it up when you mixed up my emotions because I'm upset all this. Anyways anyways Aunt then got to the hospital and I felt so sorry for
Clyde: No need, no need for lies to keep up the false stories. They are all trolls. They are all trolls. Chris have I not got this through your head. Panda is sleeping right now if you could be more quiet. Sarah May is perfectly fine. Blanca, Blanca well I don't know where she's off to, the other two people behind Blanca I don't know and Sarah Jackson is still alive. They are all trolls chris. It's because you don't know what true love is
Chris: I know what true love is
Clyde: If you knew what true love was then you would realize that they were trolls
Troll 7: Yep
Chris: Look, trolls, look, trollers or not I still cared about them very much
Clyde: What?
Chris: Trollers or not I still cared about them very much
Troll 3: you're just bullshitting
Chris: And I and I I got so, I got so many good memories of them. Some bad sure and some even bad but good
Female troll: Chris all those memories are false
Troll 2: You deluded pig
[two people speak at once]
Troll 1: every scenario, all us
Clyde: We were behind it all
Chris: look I know y'all, I know y'all are feeding me lies right now
[huge reaction to this, everyone talks over each other]
Clyde: You still believe that they were not trolling, this is the thing. Really? Even after Blanca destroyed your medallion, after Panda sudden mysteriously disappeared when she doesn't even live in that part of Australia, well not any more she doesn't, but anyway. You still believe it
Troll 4: You are stupid chris. You do not learn from your mistakes
Chris: Look [sigh] I do learn from my, I have learnt from my mistakes
[several people speak]
Chris: I have learnt to take so many bullets and lies that were aimed directly at me, I learnt to take them like uh, like (something) in the wind. Just let them fly by. let them fly by. I have learnt to sort the truth from the false. Panada true, definite true, definitely comes from the woman, from the people themselves
Clyde: Why would you see through that one (something) Julie after Sarah May and Panda. Urgh, I'm disgusted by that. But we'll make sure she never meets you
Troll 5: Anyway
Chris: Look y'all are just, look y'all are just trying to make me feel bad because I have, because I have been delayed, because I was delayed in drawing comics as often as I should be
[eruption of sarcastic "oh yeah"s]
Troll 2: You Idiot, this isn't about the comics
Troll 6: How's Megan by the way?
Chris: I DON'T KNOW I haven't seen her in a long time.
Troll 6: I wonder why
Clyde: Silence Silence, Ok, I want to ask you one last thing, well not one last thing but a useful thing. Why do you think Megan left you? Can you think why now? I think I've asked you this before
Chris: I can only think because I got too much in her personal space and I violate her with the drawing
Clyde: That was probably your only chance for true happiness and you screwed that up, and you're still doing it time and time again
Troll 7: Yo that drawing's fucked up yo
Clyde: And you still manage to post it up on your website. Why?
Chris: I don't... [sigh]
Troll 6: Clyde's correct chris
Chris: [sigh]it's a sexy drawing and it's a sexy website and I thought it was appropriate
[several people respond]
Chris: Besides in the drawing the eyes are censored out, it's not like you can recognize the woman
Clyde: Censorship does nothing once you've admitted it chris
[trolls agree with Clyde's sentiment]
Chris: [sigh]
Troll 6: And besides we thought that was your sister for the longest time
Chris: [sigh] [whispering] Jesus, Jesus
Troll 8: I thought that was a better theory actually
Chris: Ahhh Jesus Christ
Troll 6: Maybe you shouldn't have said anything Chris?
Chris: Maybe not but y'all didn't have to twist my words round on everything make up all these dang stupid false slanderous theories and what not
Troll 7: Dude yo that's bullshit
[trolls disagree with Chris's sentiment]
Troll 1: We're just going off what you've told us
Troll 8: Exactly
Clyde: (Something). What did you expect would happen?
Troll 2: You lowlife. I hope you bleed in slanderous hell
Troll 1: We've never slandered anyone. We just take what you've said and post it for people's interpretations
Chris: That's my point, you've misinterpret me

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