Mumble 7

Mumble 7 is the seventh of the Mumble chats involving Chris, held on 13th February 2009. Appears to be the genesis for the videos proving Chris' strength and fighting skill, though these would not materialize for several months.

Summary

• A fan talks to Chris about putting naked posters of girls and pictures of men up in his room up to find out if his friend was a homo as Chris suggested. He tells Chris that his girlfriend dumped him over the posters and his friend ignored all of them. Chris sees nothing wrong with his advice until Julie tells him that she wouldn't like that. Chris recommends sending an anonymous letter explaining the situation and utterly fails to apologize or show concern.
• Fans point out that Chris shouldn't have to show and prove that he is straight.
• Chris cuts a fan off to let Julie ask a question involving shota.
• Fans ask Chris to turn his radio down.
• Chris uses Wal-Mart printer paper & RSVP ballpoint pen to draw, and a 50-pack of Crayola markers to color. Refuses to use color pencils or Photoshop to color, saying he prefers the markers.
• Chris talks about Omicron's redone version of Sonichu, accusing him of plagiarism. Says that the difference between what Omicron is doing and what he is doing is that Sonichu is his. Agrees to let Omicron continue if he credits Chris with the copyright.
• Julie is convincing Chris to make videos proving to Clyde how strong he is. Chris feels that the dildo breaking video proved this. Fans say that Chris's dildo comes apart naturally for cleaning.
• A fan recommends making a video showing off his fighting moves to scare Clyde.
• Chris is asked why he would use a dildo in proving that he is straight. Chris says that he is straight for crushing it, fans call him a homo for keeping it.
• Chris denies using the dildo, and claims that it's now broken. Fan says it could easily be reassembled. Chris is adamant that it was glued and that it took a lot of strength to pull it apart.
• When asked by Julie, Chris admits using super-shears from Cutco to break the dildo glue, claiming to use a lot of strength in the process.
• Fans discuss SheCameForCWC.jpg. Chris insists that it was drawn in protest of ED. He says it was anonymous, as most women have long brown hair and her eyes were censored.
• Insists that the Rule 34 of Angelica Rosechu is masturbating and enjoying it, and is using her hand to do it.
• Chris thinks Billy Mays is on Home Improvement.
• Chris isn't doing anything on Valentine's Day, as Julie is not there yet.
• Chris discusses the the No-Redheads policy in his Love Quest. Says that redheads don't attract him unless they are not natural redheads. No piercings or tattoos allowed.
• Chris is OK with blue hair.
• Does a terrible Marge Simpson impersonation.
• Chris impersonates Comic Book Guy and Donald Duck.
• A fan presents the possibility that AIDS was sent by God to kill the homos.
• Premarital sex being forbidden in Christianity is discussed. Chris fumbles for an explanation.
• A fan pretending to be black says he believes the government made AIDS to get rid of black people. Chris says that that's the kind of thing a black guy would say.
• Premarital sex comes up again. Chris compares it to using porn to practice and learn skills for later.
• The fake black fan calls Chris on his comment from earlier about black guys and AIDS. He makes the excuse that someone else said it first.
• Questions on Sonichu start. Sonichu doesn't wear clothes because it's a comic. Chris isn't sure how Blake sounds. He might sound black, he might sound like Shadow the Hedgehog.
• The fake black fan asks why the bad guy has to be black, also mentioning Silvana. Chris says that he doesn't have to be.
• Chris gets annoyed about the pronunciation of Rosechu as popularized by the Old Narrator of the Audiobooks.
• Chris doesn't disagree that the Audiobooks made Sonichu more popular that he ever did.
• He doesn't mind fan-fics that don't portray Sonichu in a bad light.
• The audio goes low in the main chat and a fan has a private, unrelated conversation for a few minutes.
• Audio comes back as Chris is admitting that the B-Manajerk was black in real life.
• Chris doesn't watch the news, so doesn't have an opinion on Obama. He voted for him because he saw a documentary where he saw more of himself in Obama, namely that he was an outcast at one point.
• A fan says that you should vote based on politics, not personality. Chris says that he is a moderate.
• Chris doesn't know what the financial bailout is. He says that he drew the racist picture of Obama based on his father's joke, before he saw the documentaries that made him vote.
• Chris will not agree or disagree with interracial dating/marriage. He would want a white woman, but he would be friends with others.
• He'd marry an Asian.
• It's not yet known if Silvana will be a good guy or if she will lose her dick.
• Chris doesn't know what he wanted to be when he was younger, he's just making it up as he goes along.
• Chris is keeping the name changes in the comics for legal reasons.
• A fan suggests Slaweel cursing Rosechu to have a dick. Chris gets upset before saying that he'll think about it. The fans think it's a great idea. One considers a talking penis for Rosechu. Chris says it's a stupid idea.
• Another fan asks about Chris being sacked from Wendy's. He denies scaring the child with his Donald Duck impersonation, saying that he didn't make him cry.
• Chris might release his DVD one day.
• A fan says that Chris has influenced underground rappers such as Immortal Technique, who has sampled him.
• Chris takes requests. Impersonates MC Hammer, Dr Nick Riviera, Peter from Family Guy, Mario and Sonic, butchering them all and tainting our childhood memories.
• More Sonichu questions. Chris won't upload Zapina Rule 34 because she is underage and Chris is worried about legal ramifications. When he is reassured that this would be legal, he says he would consider it. He will also consider Sonichu-Rosechu anal sex. Rosechu would not clean the pickle with her mouth, she would clean it off with a washcloth. He would not sell the the washcloth on EBay.
• Chris calls a stop to the potty humor displayed throughout the Sonichu questions.
• Chris denies that Yawning Squirtle is a character.
• Fans ask for a joke. He recites a dreadful rhyme about Videogame consoles. He then tells his awful sex joke.
• Fans start to tell racist jokes about black people and Mexicans. Chris calls for a stop to this.
• A fan says that his friend masturbated to the adult section of Sonichu and is now worried that his friend is a homo, as they were drawn by a man. Chris says that this is what he intended it for, and they are drawings of women, so his friend is straight. He doesn't masturbate to his own drawings.
• Chris reassures a fan that masturbating in the same room as another man isn't gay as long as both men are thinking of women, but he would not do this.
• Chris offers no comment as to what constitutes adultery.
• Chris says that he is patriotic. He manages to mangle the three lines of the National Anthem that he knows. He then tells a 'patriotic' joke that is insensitive to Mexicans. The fans call him on his "no more racist jokes" statement from earlier.
• Chris does a poor impersonation of Mr T.
• Chris says that if you are married, sleeping with someone else isn't cheating if you have consent from your spouse.
• Chris gives more advice on homos and recommends Axe body spray for attracting girls.
• Chris has not met any celebrities, only local DJs.
• Does impersonations of Homer Simpson and Bender. The two sound identical.
• Chris gives dating advice: Stay calm, polite, friendly and don't let your nerves get the best of you. Say "Hello, how are you" and talk about yourself. His mom told him that standing around with a sign makes him look retarded. A female fan cracks up laughing and can't stop.
• "Those who can't, teach"
• Chris says he has never even been on a date. Rejects dating suggestions from fans.
• Chris was close with Sarah "PandaHalo" McKenzie, but hasn't heard from her in over two weeks. He heard about the fires and doesn't know if she's still alive. When a fan adds that 108 people were killed in the fires, Chris responds to the entire ordeal with "It's OK though, at least I have a good woman who's willing to be by my side at this point".
• When pushed, he says he feels remorse for the the victims of the fires and is concerned that Panda is dead.
• He asserts that he didn't abandon Sarah for Julie.
• A fan says that if Sarah isn't alive, Chris should take solace that her perfectly barbecued remains fed the survivors. Chris replies with SHUT UP!!!
• Chris says that he cares about Sarah and Julie equally and wouldn't dump Julie as a friend. A fan asks what he will do to the survivors who ate Sarah. Chris replies with "SHUT UP!!!" and demands that he be booted.
• Fans reassure Chris that Sarah is probably OK.
• Chris does abominable impersonations of Uncle Ruckus from The Boondocks and Hank Hill. He sings "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There". He also impersonates Meowth and sings the Team Rocket song.
• Clyde enters. Chris refuses to answer questions and leaves.

Transcript

Guy: Chris!
Chris: Hey y'all! [echoes]
Guy: I'll be damned.
Other Guy: Hey Chris.
Chris: Hey y'all.
Fan: Uh, Chris-[gets cut off by another guy]
Chris: Uh you know, can't com- it's uh, can't complain.
Other Guy: How's construction of the site?
Fan: it is so Chris
Chris: Yeah?
Fan: Well I...I need to ask you something.
Chris: Yup?
Fan: Uh... I put those posters, of the... Playboy and everything in my room, and uh, one of my girlfriends saw it, and she got mad at me for looking at other w-... other girls, and she broke up with me.
Chris: Oh... I'm sorry to hear that. It could-
Fan: Yeah, she called me a pervert. I-I don't understand this.
Chris: Did you... did you ex- did you try to explain to her about situation between you and that guy?
Fan: I... I did, and I don't think she understood.
Chris: Hmmm... well, you should try, you should, uh, s-... try, uh, you should try wr-, you should tr-, uh, do you know her email address?
[pause]
Chris: So, uh-
Fan: A-also, wait... also, uh, the friend, I was talking about, he, uh, lives with us, and [typing noises] he, uh, he went into my room, and didn't even notice the posters. He just s-sat in the middle, and he didn't s...see any uh, part of the room.
Chris: Huh. Hmm.
Fan: So, uh... so, yeah, I don't know. I mean, my girlfriend broke up with me, called me a pervert, said that I shouldn't be looking at other girls, I mean... I don't know what to do now.
Chris: Well listen, uh, answer my question, do you have her email address?
Fan: Umm... yeah, but she won't... she won't answer me anymore.
Chris: Hm... ok, hmm. Here's what you can do, uh... Do you know your girlfriend's... any of your girlfriend's gal-pals?
Fan: No.
Chris: Hmm... well, you should try to.. like wr- you should write out... hmm... hmm... here's an idea. S- Write a letter to her and send it via smail mai-, via snail mail, but don't write the return address. On it.
Fan: What should I write?
Chris: Just like, you know, like, they, you know, this is... you know, this is... you, uh, you put your name there, and you, it's, and then you would basically explain the situation between you and that guy, and that's why you had the posters up, well that's why you put the posters up.
Fan: I don't understand what was the point of the posters in the first place?
Chris: [sigh] it's... [sigh] if he looks at... if he, if he is very interested, if he is, if he was straight, he would uh, look at the women. Very much.
Fan: But he didn't even notice them. He didn't notice any of the posters.
Chris: Hmm. Well, I guess he is a homo.
Fan: W...well, um, he wasn't looking at anything, not even the guy posters.
Chris: Hmm. Hmm... He's not blind, surely.
Fan: So, like, what is he, is he like, uh...I don't know.
Chris: Hmm. I don't know either, man. But, you know at the moment I would suggest you, uh, write t- write the letter to your girlfriend, send the mail, don't write your return address on the envelope, and, uh, mail it to her.
Fan: Also my mom saw the posters and she got offended, she's like really really just in- she said that uh, lust is a sin or some shit. Oh, like she said, she's like all against the, you know, Playboy in my room.
Chris: Hmm. Well, apparently your mom hasn't been [beeps] didn't have that open minded that time. So, give her time to recover, she'll uh, she might, she might open up.
Fan:Yeah, I don't think that was a good idea though, I mean, why did you suggest it?
Chris: I was trying to see if he, I was trying to s-help you figure out if your uh, if your friend was a homo or not.
Fan: I know, but, uh, do you have Playboy posters in your room?
Chris: [unclear] I'm very forward.
Chris: I have uh, poster of some, of uh, I have a poster in my room of uh, some uh, naked girls I got from adamandeve.com as a bonus.
Fan: Then, nobody says anything about it?
Chris: [clears throat] Well, I didn't really have too many oppor-, too many people in my room. So, it's kind of like in a hard to notice place.
Fan: Um, wondering, um, If you showed anyone, wouldn't they be offended?
Chris: Maybe, maybe not, it just depends on their point of view.
Fan: Yeah, I wouldn't want the same thing that happened to me to happen to you.
Chris: Hmm. I hear you there. Uh, just to so just sound clear... Julie?
Julie: [unintelligible]
Chris: Julie, are you there?
Julie: Yes.
Chris: Ok, uh, would you be offended if you saw such a poster in my room?
Julie: [breaks up]
Chris: Uh, What will, what was that?
Julie Yes I would, kind of.
Chris: Oh. Well that's no problem, I can take it down.
Fan: Yeah, see that's what I'm talking about, I mean...
Chris: That's why I asked Julie right now, because I respect her. So, because she said that she would, I will take it down.
Fan: Well, I've been thinking, um...
Julie: Do you have... [unclear] Chris, I don't think you should look at other woman.[sic] In my opinion.
Chris: I see, Julie. Well that's fine.
Fan: Yeah..
Chris: I...I respect that.
Fan: She might get jealous, I mean, that's what happened to my...my girlfriend.
Chris: Yeah, that's fine Julie, I respect you, I respect that. Just-
Julie: Hey guys, do you have a question? If he's done? Uh-
Fan: Oh, uh, one more thing, um, I've been thinking, uh, I don't really think you need, you know, posters and stuff like, to prove you're straight, I mean, if you're straight, that's all there is to it, am I right?
Chris: Yeah.
Julie: I think you're right.
Fan: I...I mean, you shouldn't have to prove that you're straight.
Julie: You're right.
Other Guy: [line breaks temporarily] -You should not have to reassure us, though. You should just be knowing it, and nothing that anybody says, you get very, uh...
Chris: Yeah, but, it's ve-ah-very-but you see, I have like, I have that Sailor Moon poster in my room, it's just, so that I can, uh, for in case I have any-for in case I have any random thoughts, on account really, to tempt me.
[unintelligible mix of chatter from most participants trying to get their word in]
Other Guy: I-I mean, even if they're random thoughts, even if they're random thoughts, if you know you're positive about it, you shouldn't have to look at anything to make sure.
Chris: Yeah.
Fan: Chris, usually.
Guy: Okay. Uh, moving on from all this homosexuality, uh, I have one question, uh, -[gets cut off by Chris in the background]- ...never mind, [fat douchebag?]
Chris: Hey, ah, let Julie ask a question, let Julie ask her question.
Julie: Hey Chris, I was watching you on the Internet yesterday and, what's a shotacon?[slightly cut off]
Chris: ...I'm sorry, uh-y, I'm sorry, you got cut off, what was that?
Julie: What's a sho-[cuts off again]-
Chris: ...What's a...short?
Julie: Shot-[cuts off third time, pretty obvious she's saying shota]-
Fan: Dude, shota.
Other Guy: Yeah, shota.
Chris: Ssshhhh...shota?
Other Guy: Yeah, S-H-O-A-T-A [sic].
Fan: Oh, it's a word he found online.
Other Guy: Yeah, [baby?], yeah.
Chris: I never heard of that word.
Other Guy: Hmm.
Chris: I dunno, if you want to look it up, you can probably find out on an online dictionary...
[pause, and a weary sigh from someone other than Chris]
Chris: I'll-I'll take a look. Hang on.
Guy: Yeah, I know some Japanese and I think I've heard that somewhere, like in a magazine or something.
Fan: Yeah, it's some of that Japanese shit.
Chris: Hmm. Probably is. Three moments, I'll look it up.
Julie: Okay!
[pause, Chris's radio is audible]
Chris: ...Whoops, that was the wrong one. The wrong bookmark.
Fan: S-H-O-T-A.
Chris: I know, I just get the wrong bookmark for...place I wi-for like...dictionary-type website that I have.
[pause, Chris's keyboard taps are audible]
Guy: Uhhh...Chris?
Chris: Yeah.
Guy: Ok, now that Julie's done with her question, I also had one.
Fan: He has to find what that means first.
Guy: Oh, I'm sorry.
Chris: Shit, ah shit, I've just found it on Wikipedia. It's, uh, it's a ma-it's a Japanese name. It's a name of a person. In Japan.
Guy: Really.
Chris: It's a Japanese name. I think it's-
Fan: Oh no no, I think you're looking at the wrong thing, it's S- S-H-O-T-A-C-O-N.
Chris: S-H- I mean- O-T-A-C-O-N? Shotacon?
Fan: It's the same thing, just put C-O-N at the end.
Guy: I've read it in a dictionary before, can't remember what it means...
Chris: Oh, oh! Okay, here it is, uh..."shotacon, sometimes shortened to shota, is Japanese slang of the phrase 'Shotaro Complex'"...uh..."that describes the attraction to young boys or an individual with such an attraction".
[Disgusted reactions heard]

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Christian's sex joke - Used during this chat.

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