List of Sonichu characters
The following is a list of Sonichu characters, in order of appearance.
Sonichu #0
Christian Weston Chandler
- Main articles: Christian Weston Chandler (comic character), Chris-Chan Sonichu, Colossal Chan, and Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan
Chris-chan's alternate self and Mary Sue, who believe it or not is meant to be the hero. In the comic, Chris is portrayed as much more slender than his corpulent IRL counterpart (except in earlier episodes). Comic Chris is also even more psychotic than Real Chris, having murdered hundreds of people in a terrorist attack, permenantly cripped several others, carried out a mini holocaust on homosexuals, and had four men arrested, tried in an openly biased court, and personally executed. For making a parody webcomic. And this is just in Sonichu 10 alone. His medallion allows him to don a fursuit when he shouts the phrase Electric Hedgehog Power!, and he can access his Hobo-Chan form with use of the seven Sonichu Balls.
Christian first appeared right on the front cover of Issue 0, ordering Sonichu around. He cameoed throughout the rest of the comics, and took over as the main character in Issue 2, which portrayed him as a descendant of the Cherokian Clan and fullfiller of the Anchuent Prophecy. Chris has since made himself and his love quest the centre of attention and main focus of the comic in every issue since, (with a few exceptions).
Sonichu
- Main articles: Sonichu (character) and Ultra Sonichu
Christian's "original" character. Sonichu is a recolour who is an unholy fusion of Sonic the Hedgehog and a Pikachu. In earlier episodes he was the main protagonist of the comics. That is, until Chris took the spotlight. By Sonichu 2, Christian had taken over as the main character, and by Sonichu 3, Chris had added a new batch of recolours who took over from Sonichu as the supporting cast. Consequently, Sonichu didn't have a central role again until Sonichu 8, where he returned to his original purpose as a Sue for Chris. He continued this trend through the following issue. However, he did remain in the spotlight in Sonichu 10, despite Chris's return, as he transformed into Ultra Sonichu and helped Chris in his killing spree.
Rosechu
- Main articles: Rosechu and The Incredible Lioness
Sonichu's worthless, 1-dimensional girlfriend. She enjoys flowers, shopping, and getting kidnapped on a regular basis. She is completely incompetent and constantly relies on Sonichu to do even the most menial of tasks for her. Rosechu almost never walks or runs in public, she is always carried around by Sonichu. She also is ridiculously horny. This is Chris's idea of how women behave, likely adapted from TV comedies or anime. She is the one of the few main characters to do almost nothing for the entire series, though she did once face rape Jason Kendrick Howell.
Sonic the Hedgehog
- Main article: Sonic the Hedgehog
Sega mascot and a major example of copyright infringement in the comic (aside from Sonichu). He makes a few appearances in the comic. Most notably in the first issue, as he's partly responsible for Sonichu's existence, as described below. He also shows up to help Sonichu again in Sonichu 1, after Rosechu gets kidnapped. Again.
Sonic also appears on the front cover of Sonichu 11, and is thought to be returning for the '10 year anniversary.'
Perfect Chaos Monster
Perfect Chaos, or "Perfect Chaos Monster" as Chris calls him, is the final form of Chaos, a villain introduced in the Sonic game Sonic Adventure. Composed of a liquid substance, Chaos assumes multiple shapes as it acquires the seven Chaos Emeralds, absorbing their negative energy to increase its power. Upon obtaining all seven, Chaos becomes Perfect Chaos, a serpentine creature of massive size, and proceeds to destroy the city of Station Square. Sonic the Hedgehog defeats Perfect Chaos by utilizing the positive energy of the Chaos Emeralds, which transforms him into Super Sonic.
This battle was adapted by Chris to provide the background for the origin of Sonichu in the premiere issue of his new comic book series. The Sonichu series begins with a male Pikachu wandering into Station Square in the middle of a fight between Super Sonic and Perfect Chaos, whom Chris identifies as the "Perfect Chaos Monster". During the fight, Sonic accidentally collides with the Pikachu, somehow triggering an unexplained phenomenon which imparts Sonic's appearance and powers upon the Pikachu. The new Pikachu/Sonic hybrid awakens to find Sonic has still not defeated Perfect Chaos, and rushes to his aid. Using his new-found powers, he defeats the monster, and the onlookers, who mistake him for Sonic's super form, credit Sonic for the victory (retconning the Sonic Adventure game so that Sonic is little more than an assistant to Chris's original character). Contemplating his new form, the mutated Pikachu adopts the name "Sonichu", and returns to the wild.
After that, Perfect Chaos is never mentioned again in the pages of Sonichu.
Trainer Kel
- Main article: Kel
Female Pokémon trainer who owned the Raichu which transformed into Rosechu. Continued to take care of Rosechu until Sonichu took over as her new pimp. She was never heard from for a long time, but when Sean August Watley later used Trainer Kel as a central character in his own comic, Moon-Pals, Christian became very upset. When Sean was executed in Sonichu 10, Chris bought back Kel as his executioner, where she got her revenge on Sean for him DARING to give her a personality and a starring role.
Most of Kel's backstory and what little personality she apparantly had came through the CWCipedia article on Sonichu. According to this article, by some strange and nonsensical twist of fate, she fell madly in love with Naitsirhc at some point. This same article also claimed however, that she was kind, sweet, innocent and caring. This in spite of the fact that she shot a man to death at point blank range. Given the contradictions, it is safe to assume that this article is non cannon.
David the Dragonite/Daisy the Dragonite
- Main article: Pokemon
A Dragonite Kel also owned. The considerate Pokémon trainer offered his sexual services to Rosechu when the latter was in heat, noting that he's "loyal". Rosechu refused, stating that David is "just too big" even for her loose, gaping China, and suggesting Kel have sex with him herself. Kel enigmatically answers that "she can't say she didn't try". Did they or didn't they? History will never know.
Strangely enough, David may have been retconned into "Daisy the Dragonite", as indicated by a listing of Kel's Pokémon on CWCipedia. David, who appeared in Issue 0 (Episodes 2 and 3), is not mentioned on the list, though Daisy is and is the only Dragonite on the list. It would not be out of the question to think that Chris simply forgot about David's importance to the canon and retconned him into a girl, especially probable due to the fact that both names begin with the same letter and Chris couldn't really name a girl "Davidina", plus the fact that he has created gender-benders before. This would indicate that Kel, in fact, offered "Daisy" to Rosechu for a lesbian relationship, which in turn calls into question the sexuality of Rosechu, Kel, and the Dragonite, and makes several aspects of the comic a great deal more confusing.
Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc
- Main article: Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc
Originally known as Naitsirhc Giovanni, he was Christian's long lost twin brother, and was found and adopted by the Pokémon villain Giovanni, and raised as a member of Team Rocket. When Chris fell into the Dark Mirror Hole, his Medallion also entered the darkness, awakening a dormant evil within Naitsirhc, and transforming him into an evil(er) version of Chris. Renaming himself Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc, the new anti-Chris dedicated himself to world conquest, and the destruction of his "straight" twin. Like Chris, Reldnahc has his own Sonichu Medallion, patterned after Black Sonichu, which he uses to transform into his fursona of Reldnahc Ha-Taque. In Sonichu 10, Christian pins him down and forcibly injects him with the Gay Vaccine from the future, which destroys his medallion, makes him lose his powers and turns him into a "good guy". Because as we all know, homosexuality makes you evil. He was then returned to Kel.
Zapdos
- Main article: Pokemon
An electric type Pokémon and one of the three legendary birds. Zapdos was used by Naitsirhc to capture Rosechu and battle Sonichu in CWCville Mall. Although Sonichu was victorious, Naitsirhc obtained a sample of Sonichu's DNA, which he would later use in the creation of Black Sonichu.
Jerkhief
- Main article: Jerkhief
Leader of the Jerkops. The Jerkhief is a massive African American man in a brown police uniform. Known for his beloved catchphrases such as "My wooden badge was delicious!" and "MAH SOUL HURTS!"
He attempts to arrest Chris for soliciting in the CWCville Mall, but is defeated by Christian's use of his Chris-Chan Sonichu form. Jerkhief pulls a gun on the attacking furmonster, but Christian hits him with a Curse-ye-ha-me-ha, causing him to lose his wife, children and home, and making the poor man break down in tears. Another victory for the forces of good!
Jerkops
- Main article: Jerkops
Villainous foot-soldiers of Mary Lee Walsh, the Jerkops are based upon various police officers and security guards Chris has encountered during his Love Quest. They are supposedly brainwashed slow-in-the-minds and College students. In spite of this, Christian has no qualms in killing them, and doesn't even mention the possibility of curing them until way later in the series. It has also been suggested that the Jerkops leaders, (Aside from Mary and Count Graduon) were under similar influence, which makes Christian's cruelty to Jerkhief even worse.
Metonic
- Main article: Metonic
Evolved form of Sonichu. Appears only in Classic Sonichu strip set in 2029.
Vamprosa
- Main article: Vamprosa
Evolved form of Rosechu. Appears only in Classic Sonichu strip set in 2029.
Barbara Chandler
- Main article: Barbara Chandler
Chris's mother, and Sonichu's grandmother. Or something. The two rescued Barbara from Naitsirhc in one of the Classic Sonichu strips reprinted in Sonichu 0.
Sonichu #1
Giovanni
- Main article: Giovanni
The leader of Team Rocket and villian of the first generation pokemon games. He is determined to capture Sonichu at any cost. He teamed up with Doctor Robotnik to devise the perfect trap for Sonichu. Their plot was foiled, however, as Sonichu unexpectedly got help in dealing with the kidnappers, rather than going in alone like a retard, as they expected him to do. However, he only got help from Sonic the Hedgehog because he bumped into him on his way to the base. So Sonichu is still retarded, just lucky. Later on, Giovanni seems to have reevaulated his goals, and now seeks to take over CWCville and kill Christian, as he joined forces with the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens and helped them out during their attack on the city in Sonichu 9. Surprisingly, he seemed to want his son Reldnahc to rule the city, rather than wanting it for himself. This shows that at least Giovanni thinks of others sometimes rather than himself, which is more than can be said for our heroes.
Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik
- Main article: Doctor Robotnik
Recurring villian of the Sonic the Hedgehog games. A mad genius with an IQ of 300, 'Dr. Eggman', as he is known, has tried to conquer the world multiple times, in an effort to build his own nation of robotic followers; Eggmanland. In Sonichu however, he shows up to help Giovanni devise a trap for Sonichu and later helps to try and take over CWCville with the PVCC. Why he would ever bother with trivial things such as catching pokemon, or why he has any kind of grudge against Chris of all people is a mystery that not even GodJesus could solve.
Also of note is that in the games, Eggman has a fleet of thousands of battleships, billions of robots, including elite androids based on Shadow the Hedgehog and the nigh unstoppable E-Series robots, as well as gigantic controllable mechs, and of course Metal Sonic. Not only this, but he also has access to multiple doomsday weapons, not least of all Space Colony ARK and a huge sattelite, (As seen in Sonic Unleashed) that could blow the fucking planet into pieces. In spite of having this MASSIVE load of firepower, he has used NONE of it in his battle again Chris. Not even a single Egg Pawn.
Team Rocket
Team Rocket is the villainous organization that captures Pokémon (from the series of the same name). But somehow the company has either fallen on hard times because of the global recession or made a fucking stupid business decision as they set up a new headquarters in CWCville.
Team Rocket is run by Giovanni and his retarded homosexual son, Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc.
They are also responsible for the creation of Blake.
Dr. Bill Schwartz/Bill the Scientist
One of the more popular characters in Sonichu lore, Bill the Scientist was a genetics researcher for Team Rocket during the organization's brief alliance with Ivo Robotnik. It was Bill's duty to prepare Sonichu's DNA for the cloning machine, but he inadvertently spilled cherry cola into the sample, mutating the chromosomes of the clone until it took on a black color.
Bill is currently believed to be getting high somewhere with the Boulder-Dropping Whale, Metal Sonichu, and Yawning Squirtle. Chris disputes this unorthodox fan theory in Twitter, saying Bill is still in employ of Giovanni, and will be returning in comic. He then contradicts this when he appears later in Sonichu 10, stating that Bill stopped working for Giovanny to save lives, and that he hats these bad days. Bill later appears, along with Kel and Allison Amber, to execute Sean for his tenuously defined crimes against CWCville.
Black Sonichu/Blake
- Main article: Black Sonichu
Also known as "Blachu" and "Blake", Black Sonichu was cloned from samples of Sonichu's DNA, which Naitsirhc obtained in battle. Mutated slightly from an accidental cherry cola contamination in the laboratory, the clone grew to have insidious black and red fur, in stark contrast to Sonichu's heroic urine-and-feces color scheme. Initially, Black Sonichu started out as a lackey for Giovanni, and then later Reldnahc, before finally becoming a watered-down good guy with an attitude when he fell in love with Bubbles. Black Sonichu was last seen recuperating from his traumatic rape at the hands of a trannie.
He also has his own superform, in the same vein as Ultra Sonichu, named Silver Blachu. It is never seen though.
Although Black Sonichu was technically introduced in the following issue, he did appear in a few of the Classic Sonichu strips, stalking Rosechu.
Metal Sonichu
The Sonichu rip-off of Metal Sonic, he is one of the few characters even Chris will admit is a rip-off. Sadly though, he blames Robotnik for it. After being defeated by Sonic and Sonichu in Sonichu 1 he crashes into the fucking moon, however, he survives this attack, as evident by his hand rising out of one of the craters resulting in a cliffhanger.
The fans speculated that Chris probably just forgot about the piece of shit and he will never be heard of again, but after being constantly reminded about him in the Mailbag, and after Sean used Metal Sonichu for Moon-Pals, Chris suddenly declared that that Metal Sonichu would be returning at some point in Sonichu 11 or Sonichu 12, and that he would become possessed by Count Graduon and be the new villian, since he had already removed every other villian from the comic entirely, and left nothing for his characters to do anymore.
The fail almost leaps off of the page!
In Animal Crossing card form.
Yeah...
Yu-Gi-Oh! variation.
Amy Rose
- Main article: Amy Rose
Sonic the Hedgehog's love interest. Amy Rose in the video games is a 12 year old fangirl who has an obsessive crush on Sonic and often persues him on his adventures to try and get his attention and appreciation. That said, she at least does something in the video games, and often helps out the rest of the heroes on their quest, such as in Sonic Adventure, where she single handedly defeated the Zero robot and in Sonic Adventure 2, where she broke into a military base and freed a captured Sonic. In Sonichu however, all her personality is gone entirely and she is just as vapid and useless and stereotypical as any Rosechu. She shows up for a couple of pages in Issue 1 where she talks with Rosechu at CWCville Mall about meaningless bullshit.
Hanna
- Main article: Hanna
A woman who trolled Chris IRL by pretending to respond favorably to his Attraction Sign. Chris, epic lulzcow that he is, not only fell for the ruse, not only shouted "NOOOOOOOO!" in a public place when he discovered the truth, not only e-mailed her to ask her out again sometime, but also documented the entire sorry affair in his own comics.
The Sonichu version of Hanna is apparantly an agent of PVCC, and the only troll in the entire comic to to not be a cackling evil bastard, probably due to being a woman.
Sonichu #2
Wes Iseli
- Main articles: Wes Iseli and Wasabi Rival
Sarah Hammer's IRL boyfriend, whom Chris jealously demonized in his comics by casting him as the descendant of the Wasabi Clan, a band of power hungry Native Americans who were enemies with the Cherokee. When Chris fulfilled the Anchuent Prophecy by becoming Chris-Chan Sonichu, Wes was visited by the spirit of the Wasabi leader, who granted him the power to become Wes-Li Sonichu. At first, Wes used his powers to attack Chris, until Sarah dumped his ass and convinced both of them to join her in defeating Count Graduon. Wes would later appear as a directionless villain, attacking Sarah Hammer's wedding in Sonichu 5, and attending Mary Lee Walsh's villain conclave in Sonichu 7, as well as assisting in the attack on CWCville during Sonichu 9.
Sarah Hammer
- Main articles: Sarah Hammer and Queen of the Cherokian Clan
Chris's childhood friend, whom he later selected to bear his children before he discovered she was involved with another man. Chris nonetheless depicted her as the reincarnation of the Queen of the Cherokian Clan in his comics, and bestowed upon her the power to become a super-powered furfag just like himself. As Saramah Rosechu, Sarah joined Chris-Chan Sonichu and Wes-Li Sonichu in a prophesied battled against Count Graduon. Failing to actually defeat the villain, the trio sort of split up, leaving Chris to deal with him alone. Sarah then got married to another man, rejecting Chris yet again, and she left the city of CWCville entirely. She did cameo once more however, in Sonichu Special 2, where she dressed in drag and attended the ceremony of Christian's ill fated marriage to Ivy, acting as his best man.
Keeper of the Destiny Cave
An old fart who had hung around by an old cave for centuries, waiting for Chris to come along and use his Medallion to transform into his fursona. After revealing the Anchuent Prophecy to Chris and Sonichu, the Cave Keeper was never seen again. He's probably having a toke or two with Yawning Squirtle, if he's smart.
Mary Lee Walsh
- Main article: Mary Lee Walsh
Arch-nemesis to Christian (and by extension, Sonichu), Walsh is based on the real life dean of Piedmont Virginia Community College, against whom Chris has nursed a grudge for years. In the comics, Walsh is portrayed as tyrannical witch, waging a bitter and ruthless war against love itself. For some reason, she considers cock-blocking Chris to be of vital importance to her goals, even though Chris does a pretty good job of that himself. She first appeared in the comics in Issue 2, but a preview of her design was shown in Issue 0, and she had been mentioned in both sub-episodes that had been in previous comics. In her first full appearance, she was wielding the staff of Count Graduon, and directing the Golem attacking CWCville. This is thought to be her cannonical first appearance as well, and it is believed that the subepisodes all take place after Sonichu 3, since the very first subepisode features Chris-Chan Sonichu. Throughout the comics, she did nothing but throw wave after wave of Jerkops, Manajerks and other PVCC agents at Chris. Occasionally she'd help out herself, and sometimes she'd just kick back and let her robots handle it. She captured Crystal Weston Chandler in the Dark Mirror Hole at one point, but it had very little lasting consequence. Christian later confronted her as Hobo-Chan in Sonichu 10. There, she let Chris destroy Graduon's staff and she surrendered. Not content, Christian attacked her with two large swords. It ended with her being paralyzed for life and put in prison.
Count Graduon
- Main article: Count Graduon
The Evil released when the Anchuent Prophecy was fulfilled. Graduon is a centuries-old evil wizard who was trapped inside a magic wand by the Cherokian Clan. In the 21st Century, he has forged an alliance with Mary Lee Walsh, and has secretly manipulated Silvana Rosechu to become his trannie rape weapon against the heroic Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. He was supposedly destroyed in Sonichu 10, but Chris has stated that he would bring Graduon back in a later issue, and that he would have possessed Metal Sonichu.
Golem
A weapon used by Count Graduon after escaping from the Destiny Cave and joining forces with Mary Lee Walsh. Upon learning that the Golem had attacked CWCville, Chris-Chan Sonichu,Wes-Li Sonichu, and Saramah Rosechu teamed up to destroy it. Stolen from Sonic Adventure 2, where it originally appeared as a boss controlled by Eggman
Sonichu #3
The Chaotic Combo
- Main article: Chaotic Combo
Five other Electric Hedgehog Pokémon spawned as eggs from the Rainbow that created Sonichu. Scattered throughout the region, they would eventually discover each other in common battle against Black Sonichu. They would form the central cast of Sonichu for the rest of the comic, outranking even the original Sonichu in the CWCville heirarchy,
Wild Sonichu
- Main article: Wild Sonichu
The green recolour and a sort of leader to the group. Wild also partially rips off Spiderman. He was apparantly raised by a clan of wierd ninja Scythers and a Venusaur. Once his father was kidnapped, he forgot all about him. Later in life he became another member of the Great Director's private army and he served as another footsoldier in the many battles against Mary Lee Walsh and PVCC. During the middle of all this dumbfuckery, he attended a Dating Education class and got paired up with a mindless twit named Simonla Rosechu. Simonla was later killed, but fortunatly for Wild, the bastard child which resulted from all sex he had with her looked almost exactly like Simonla in every single way.
Bubbles Rosechu
- Main article: Bubbles Rosechu
The blue recolour and an airheaded slut. According to Sonichu 3, she was raised as a child by a random Swampert her happened to find her. One day, a Boulder-Dropping Whale randomly attacked her mother, and she forced herself to evolve so that she could save her. Some time later, she met the rest of the Combo when they all united under the common goal of beating up a black guy. She does nothing for the rest of the comic besides fucking Blake. She finds a Sonichu Ball in Sonichu 8, if you can count that as doing something. Oh, and there was one point where she failed to tell the difference between a trannie and her own boyfriend even when told the answer by a psychic.
Since everyone saw Bubbles as a stupid whore, she was portrayed as the idiot of the group in the webcomic Asperchu. Some time later, Christian established on her CWCipedia article that Bubbles was supposedly a very intelligent girl and had studied with the people of atlantis. As you would expect, none of this was shown in the comics, and Bubbles still acts like a stupid whore.
Angelica Rosechu
- Main article: Angelica Rosechu
A white recolour. Angelica Rosechu was made to be a religious type, specifically a catholic. Her backstory explains that she was taken in by a convent of nuns, who raised her to be a devout Christian and named her Angelica after her resemblance of the biblical angels. Despite this, Angelica still grew up to be a filthy whore and a violent mercenary of CWCville. She eventually evolved one night in her sleep. Christian also SOMEHOW knew who she was and that she had evolved, and showed up at her window to give her shoes and a scrunchie, which he left on her bed for her to find when she woke up. That's not creepy or anything. She later became heavily entrenched in Christian's war against Mary Lee Walsh and the Jerkops, and may very well have killed several people in the battle. This is pure speculation however. What isn't speculation though, was that she did, in fact, personally execute Alec Benson Leary in Sonichu 10. After reading him the last rites of course. Because you know, she's religious. She also said 'May God have mercy' whilst doing so. This may indicate that on some level she knows that what she is doing is wrong, but it's likely that she was reffering to Alec, because like Chris, she also has a huge ego, and genuinely believes that people should be killed for making parody webcomics. Like Bubbles, she is also a slut. She put out for Reginald Sneasle on the first date and she has been known to do things in church that would make Jesus himself cry.
Punchy Sonichu
- Main article: Punchy Sonichu
The red one. Punchy is not even a recolour. He is an exact duplicate of Knuckles the Echidna, who was already red. The only difference between them is that Punchy is far more retarded and has racist looking slanty eyes.
Punchy was born in a dojo somewhere after his egg crash landed there. Immediatly after hatching, he was challenged to a sparring match by the Dojo owner's daughter and student, Mypoe, who ripped off his tail since it was a weakness. He then punched her through the roof and probably killed her. This is where his name came from. The dojo owner, G.D.W. Shinabe, then took it upon himself to train the infant murderer, and teach him how to properly use martial arts. This training was wasted on Punchy however, who just ended up using pokemon attacks for the rest of his life. Punchy later got caught up with the rest of the gang, and formed the Chaotic Combo with them. Shortly afterwards his master died under mysterious circumstances and he apparantly inherited the dojo. Punchy then spent the rest of Sonichu fighting Jerkops and related enemies. He got a break from the routine in Sonichu 8, where he took the Dating Education courses to try and learn how best to hook up with Angelica. As it turned out, Angelica would have been easy, but due to circumstances, Punchy ended up with another whore named Layla Flaffy. Since all women are the same in Sonichu, Punchy just rolled with it and had sex with her anyway. He later also participated in the Sonichu 10 executions.
Magi-Chan Sonichu
- Main article: Magi-Chan Sonichu
The purple recolor. Magi-Chan was created to be the end-all, go-to guy for everything plot-related. He may be gay.
Magi-Chan was born in a mysterious cave where, upon hatching, he was contacted by the Pokemon Mewtwo, who trained him with his powers. Upon evolving into Magi-Chan, he promptly let out a fart. His training complete, Mewtwo left him and Magi-Chan would go on join the Chaotic Combo. Despite his awesome powers, Wild Sonichu was chosen over Magi-Chan as leader of the Chaotic Combo. It would be Magi-Chan who would serve as the means to locate the Sonichu Balls from their locations, accidentally causing Chris to be lost in the Time Void. He would also fight Silvana from time to time as he attempted to save her from Graduon. In Sonichu 10, he frees Chris from the Time Void, goes into the future to bring the cure for homosexuality back to the present, but starts suffering due to that, yammering something about a crisis only Chris could avoid, failing to find a man high off his ass and failing to stop Evan and Simonchu from killing Simonla.
Sonee & Rosey
- Main article: Sonee & Rosey
The (irritating) baby versions of Sonichu, Rosechu, and their recolors. They made their debut appearance on the first page of Sonichu #3.
Venusaur
See Pokémon
A female Venusaur in the jungle discovered Wild Sonichu's egg and adopted him. As Wild inexplicably has retractable tentacles in his arms, the Venusaur trained him in using them to grasp objects.
Scyther
See Pokémon
For no obvious reason, a male Scyther assumed the role of Wild Sonichu's father. Whether this is because it was screwing his Venusaur mother, or felt some obligation to help her raise Wild is unclear. The Scyther trained Wild in using his "Razor Leaf" attacks to cut down trees and such.
In Sonichu 8, Wild would tell Sonichu and Rosechu of the last time he saw his adoptive father. According to Wild, his father was the leader of the "cut-sharp" clan of "Scyther and Scizor". At some point, the "Charmeleon Cult" burned down the dojo in the jungle that served as their headquarters. Wild joined his father on a mission to take revenge, but the Scyther was intercepted and captured by poachers instead. Wild cried like a bitch while the poachers loaded his dad in their van, then finally attempted to use his super powers to free him. The Scyther told him to stop, however, since he knew Wild was too much of a failure to cut through the steel frame of the van. Wild's last memory of his father was of "the passing-of-the-torch look in his eyes".
Ever since that fateful day, Wild has sworn to take revenge on the poachers, a complex scheme which apparently involves moving to CWCville, hanging out at Spring Break parties, and attending Dating Education classes. As for his father, by now the poachers have probably stuck him in a jar with a scorpion and forced them to fight to the death.
Note: Although the correct pronunciation of "Scyther" is "sigh-ther", this is routinely ignored in the Audiobooks.
Swampert
See Pokémon
A female Swampert adopted Bubbles Rosechu upon discovering her egg on the beach. Unlike Wild's parents, the Swampert doesn't seem to have taught Bubbles much of anything, and the pair spent her childhood splashing in the water like idiots. This idyllic existence was brought to and end when a Wailord dropped a giant boulder on the Swampert for no apparent reason. Unable to rescue her mother in her immature Rosey body, Bubbles evolved into her Rosechu form, and somehow used an ice beam to save the Swampert from drowning.
While Bubbles continues to live on the beach, the Swampert has not been seen since her first appearance. This would suggest that at some point, the Wailord returned to finish the job.
Boulder-Dropping Whale
As the name suggests, Boulder-Dropping Whale is a creature resembling a whale, who literally dropped a boulder. This signature attack was used against the Swampert who raised Bubbles Rosechu, and would have drowned the Swampert if not for Bubbles' timely intervention. Although never named in the comic, the whale's anonymity and murderous hatred for Sonichu characters has earned him a cult following among fans, who have dubbed him "Boulder-Dropping Whale", or "BDW" for short.
Originally identified as a common whale in the Audiobooks, Chris stated in a blog in January 2010 that it is a Wailord, a Pokémon that closely resembles a whale; however, BDW appears to have large white niggo lips, which Wailord lacks, and it has only one pair of fins and a less streamlined tail. This makes sense, however, as Chris always uses Pokémon when drawing background fauna in his comics (probably because he didn't pay attention during any of his biology classes in high school), such as the underwater scene in Sonichu 8 which featured only Pokémon sea creatures, and no naturally occurring wildlife. Further, BDW's trademark attack appears to resemble "Rock Tomb", an attack available to many Pokémon in the video games, including Wailord. Nevertheless, the name "Boulder-Dropping Whale" has stuck, and no matter what his species, he remains a fan favorite.
On 12 January 2010, Chris posted in his blog that Boulder-Dropping Whale was in fact a Wailord, that he had been captured, and was currently being forced to fight the senseless battles of some random Pokémon trainer. The fans have disregarded this statement, standing firm in their belief that Boulder Dropping Whale currently resides on the moon with his Moon-Pals Bill, Metal Sonichu, and Yawning Squirtle, getting high as fuck.
Nuns
The two nuns that raised Angelica, even though real nuns would've burned that abomination the moment they set eyes on it. Their appearance shows us that Chris believes the stereotype that all nuns are white, kind-hearted old ladies. Like Angelica they reinforce religious upbringing by using the words bless and Lord frequently.
In addition to raising Angelica and teaching her how to fly, the nuns also saved the eggshell she hatched from, as some sort of gross souvenir of the day they discovered her; Chris stated in the videobooks that "they saved the eggshell for memories," which seems to shine a light on how his family justifies hoarding so much stuff. As there only appear to be two nuns in their convent, and they seem to have no problem with adopting disgusting mutant sow-people, and they seem to encourage them to masturbate in their supposedly holy dwelling, it's possible that the nuns are actually adult fetish models, and their convent is actually the studio for some sort of kinky reality show.
G.D.W. Shinabe
Also referred to as "Nabe-San", Shinabe is one of Chris' many horrible Excel Saga references. The anime's director, Shinichi Watanabe, created an alter ego of himself to use as one of the characters in the series. Naming his self-insertion "Nabeshin" (a play upon his own name), Watanabe utilized him not only as a supporting cast member, but also as a way to break the fourth wall and poke fun at the production of the anime. Nabeshin would be heavily featured again in Puni Puni Poemy, a follow-up project to Excel Saga.
In Sonichu, Chris depicts Nabeshin as Shinabe (get it?), who teaches a bizarre form of martial arts and film-editing. He adopts Punchy Sonichu and trains him to become a "strike ninja" after Punchy murders his daughter Mypoe. The initials "G.D.W." stand for Great Director Watanabe, a reference to "Great Teacher Onizuka", a manga about a high school teacher, often abbreviated "GTO". The "GDW" gag was used in Puni Puni Poemy, and so Chris stole the joke and clumsily incorporated it into his rehash character's name.
If Christian's Sonichu article on CWCipedia is to be taken as canon, then Shinabe was murdered by an ex student seeking revenge for some reason during the middle of Punchy giving Chris a tour of the dojo.
Mypoe
Mypoe is a loose knockoff of Poemy, the star of Puni Puni Poemy, depicted as Nabeshin's adopted daughter. Chris reversed the syllables in her name, both of them (Poemy refers to herself as "Kobayashi" in the show, a reference to her voice actor, Yumiko Kobayashi. Chris blatantly rips this off with Mypoe calling herself "Byashiko"), and appears to have changed her appearance to resemble Excel instead. In Sonichu, Mypoe is a female student of Shinabe who challenged Punchy Sonichu to a battle moments after he hatched from his egg. During the fight, she tore Punchy's tail off his body, claiming that it was a weak point, and should be removed (a concept stolen from Dragon Ball). The trauma apparently caused Punchy to evolve into his Sonichu form. In retaliation, Punchy attacks Mypoe with a Sky Uppercut, which sends her right out of the Dojo, through the roof. Unfazed by the apparent murder of his daughter, Shinabe adopts Punchy as his new star pupil.
Like all minor characters Mypoe is considered cool amongst the fans.
Mewtwo
See Pokémon
A powerful, reclusive Pokémon genetically engineered from the DNA of the rare Mew, Mewtwo escaped from his creators and briefly plotted to conquer the world in the first Pokémon feature film. Mewtwo's dark, brooding nature and vast psychic abilities would serve as Chris's "inspiration" for Magi-Chan Sonichu, whose egg hatched in the same cave Mewtwo lived in during the movie. As if the connection weren't blatant enough, Chris established that Mewtwo served as Magi-Chan's mentor, contacting him at birth via telepathy and teaching him to use his mental powers. Aside from his mental rapport with Mewtwo, Magi-Chan grew up completely isolated from the rest of the world. In a half-assed attempt to introduce him to civilization, Mewtwo projected memories of Jackie Chan films, other people's birthday parties, and various tourist attractions. Two weeks after Magi-Chan evolved into his Sonichu form, Mewtwo sent him out into the world, promising that they would one day meet face-to-face. As Chris has probably forgotten all about this, though, it'll probably never happen.
Flame the Sunbird
- Main article: Flame the Sunbird
Shameless ripoff of Kazooie from Banjo-Kazooie who seems to be in dire need of pants. Flame is the guardian of the Legendary Master Sunstone, and joined Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo in rescuing it from Black Sonichu. He would later be seen attending the Chaotic Combo's birthday party at the mall. It is emphasized that he is not a Pokemon, yet he readily uses Pokemon attacks, such as Drill Peck.
B-Manajerk
- Main article: B-Manajerk
Chris's re-imagining of the McDonald's manager who interfered with his Love Quest at Mal-Wart. The B-Manajerk, along with his partner, Merried Seinor Comic, confront Chris after the Jerkhief tells them about him. When Chris refuses to leave, they attack him with Mecha-Jerkops, and Chris is aided by Darkbind Sonichu. As Darkbind handles the other foes, Chris battles B-Manajerk, and defeats his cybernetic armor with the powers of his Medallion.
Merried Seinor Comic
- Main article: Merried Seinor Comic
Companion of B-Manajerk, 'Merried Seinor Comic', also known as 'Kirby', is probably based on an older man who worked for the Wal-Mart which housed the McDonald's Chris was loitering in that day. In Sonichu, he is depicted as a cyborg with mechanical arms and legs. When he and B-Manajerk attack Chris, Darkbind Sonichu arrives to help, and dismantles Merried Seinor Comic with his superior swordsmanship. Their duel appears to have been a pathetic excuse for Chris to use Monty Python gags in his comic, with Merried Seinor Comic assuming the role of the Black Knight who refuses to admit defeat after losing his limbs.
W-M-Manajerk
- Main article: W-M-Manajerk
The ruler of the Mal-Wart region, 'W-M-Manajerk' confronts Chris shortly after B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic are defeated. Like his henchmen, W-M is a cyborg, although he appears to be a head in a jar of life-sustaining fluid, affixed to an entirely robotic body. Far stronger than the other Manajerks, W-M easily overpowers Chris, until he combines his Medallion with the Heart Torch of Fail to summon his "dream sibling", Crystal Weston Chandler. Using their combined power, Chris and Crystal turn the tables against W-M, and send his disembodied head flying back to Mary Lee Walsh, who sent him to menace Chris in the first place.
Darkbind Sonichu
- Main article: Darkbind Sonichu
Yet another Sonichu recolor, Darkbind is a rip off not only of Sonic and Pikachu, but Darkwing Duck and Link from the Legend of Zelda as well. In his first appearance, Darkbind comes to help Chris defeat the Manajerks at the Mal-Wart region, but leaves just before the W-M-Manajerk shows up to beat the shit out of Chris. Whoops.
Darkbind would later return to repel Mary Lee Walsh's invasion of CWCville in Sonichu #6, and finally reveal that he has been searching for the seven Sonichu Balls to re-awaken his beloved Zelina Rosechu.
Mecha-Jerkops
- Main article: Mecha-Jerkops
Mechanical Jerkops used by the Manajerks to forcibly eject Chris from the Mal-Wart Region. The only two to appear were easily defeated by Darkbind Sonichu, suggesting that they're actually far less formidable than flesh and blood Jerkops.
Sonichu #4
- Crystal Weston Chandler/Crystalina Rosechu
- Snorlax
- ScotPalazzo
- Bagget, Jerkop Daitenzen
- Turdijerk
- Trebor Capman - Accomplice
- Crackder - portmanteau of the Decepticons Thundercracker and...um...Thundercracker.
Sonichu #5
- Jack's Knight as William Spicer (Sarah Hammer's husband)
- Sailor Megtune/Megan Schroeder
- Megagi La Skunk
- Harriet
- Joseph
- Julia
- Nick
- Jamsta Sonichu
- CWCville Constable
- CADD Chef, aka Keneru-Meneth
Sonichu #6
- Patti Chandler/Patti-Chan
- Allison Amber
- Shadow the Hedgehog (in Christian & The Hedgehog Boys ad)
- Zelina Rosechu
- Clawdorf
- Bionic the Hedgehog
Sonichu #7
Mighty the Armadillo
Mistakenly spelled "Mighty the Armordillo" by Chris, Mighty is a supporting character from the Sonic The Hedgehog video games, including "Knuckles Chaotix" and "SegaSonic The Hedgehog". Due to his relative obscurity and passing resemblance to more popular Sonic characters, Mighty may be misidentified by Sonichu readers as another one of Chris's crappy "original" characters.
When Chris travels back in time to relive the moment he "created" Bionic the Hedgehog, he recalls that he would often imagine Sonic characters acting out scenes in the books he read. According to Chris, he was reading a "Fear Street" novel by R.L. Stine, imagining Mighty as one of the characters, when he was struck on the head by a basketball, and at the same moment, imagined an orange version of Sonic emerging from a locker door where Mighty was standing.
Sammy
- Main article: Sammy
A "fat, stupid" version of Chris utilized for the "Family Guy Skitch" featured in Episode 15. In a typical "Family Guy" style aside, Chris recalls a fictional memory of himself in an embarrassing situation, bearing a strong resemblance to Peter Griffin. Later, this same alternate version of Chris appears to speak with the real Chris, who identifies the character as Sammy, who merely "played" Chris in his memory. Sammy is a beloved figure to trolls, as he is ironically a far more accurate caricature of Chris than the skinnier version who actually stars in the comic.
- Skelevision
- Ghost Buggy
- The Filmation Ghostbusters
- Kellie Andes
- Bender Bending Rodreiguez
- Joseph Herring
- Beavis
- Butt-head
Janekops
Female Jerkops. Chris suggested the possibility of female Jerkops in Sonichu 4, by describing a "Hypno-gun" the Jerkops use to transform retarded people into new Jerkops. Presumably, then, any Janekop would be a female victim of such a weapon. Jerkops with tits would be seen standing guard at PVCC in issue #7, so these are most likely the same Janekops Chris suggested earlier.
- Jason Kendrick Howell
- Kathleen (Jason's Woman Slave)
- Blanca
- Jiggliami
- Lolisa Rosechu
- Robert Simmons V aka sonichufan1985 aka sonichufan1986
Sonichu #8
- Lovey Howell
- Beel
- 4-cent_garbage.com employees
- George W. Bush
- Barack Obama
- John McCain
- Hillary Clinton
- Sarah Palin
- Simonla Rosechu
- Zapina Rosechu
Thurston Howell III
In Sonichu 8, Christian Weston Chandler sought to humiliate his arch-nemesis Jason Kendrick Howell with a scathing parody of Encyclopedia Dramatica. In a feeble attempt to be coy, Chris refrained from identifying Howell in the comic right away, instead referring to him only as Jason, followed by a clever cameo appearance to hint at his last name. Since no anime or Family Guy characters are named "Howell", this forced Chris to delve into legitimate pop culture, and soon he found Thurston Howell III and Lovey Howell, the elitist millionaire couple on the classic TV series Gilligan's Island. Chris is probably blissfully unaware that the joke will probably sail very far over the heads of his target demographic, and he's also unaware that there are countries on GodJesus's green earth where the show hasn't aired for decades. Or ever.
Appearing outside the 4-cent_garbage.com building, Thurston chides Lovey for forgetting her purse, to which Lovey explains that she had grown used to neglecting it from their time stranded upon the island. Chris then challenges the reader to guess Jason's last name, a pointles exercise, as Chris has already mentioned "Jason Kendrick Howell" several times on his website, YouTube videos, and anywhere other public forum available to him in 2008.
Greta Squall
News anchor for "FQX News". Covered CWCville's 2008 Spring Break celebration on location, and became so overcome with the festivities that she stripped down to a swimsuit and leaped into a pool. Horribly disfigured, her face bears several scars, each shaped like the numeral "2", and her arms are swollen to abnormal size, possibly due to localized gigantism.
- Silvana Rosechu
- Yawning Squirtle (hell yeah!)
- Mudkips
- Seadra
- Goldeen
- Staryu
- Corsola
- Octillery
- Mantine
- Corphish
- Optimus Prime
- Troll from the movie "Troll"?
- Sarah Jackson
- Sarah Cassandra McKenzie aka Panda Halo
Sonichu #9
- Sarah Jackaras - Comic version of Sarah Jackson
- George Phillip - Looks like Kenny from South Park.
- Layla Flaaffy
- Ivy
- Reginald Sneasel - Hates darkies and shows obvious signs of jealousy just like Chris
- God/Jesus
Florance Fisher
One of the few black characters in Sonichu that isn't evil. She is rejected by Reginald, mirroring Chris's own refusal to date a black woman. Crudely resembles South Park's art style, and was probably traced.
- Rita Jackaras
- Barely mentioned:
- Amy Testa
- Clem Jennings
- Geraldine
- Fred Shiflet
- Emily Ryan
- Unnamed computer-lab attendant
- Clyde Raymond - Scored the lowest on the dating test. Possible stab at Clyde Cash
- Robots (Transformers rip-offs, because Chris can't ruin your childhood enough):
- Prower - Punchy's Motorcycle, recolor of Samurai Prowl from Transformers Animated
- Scoundrals As Vessels - evil PVCC Decepticon, Repaint of Swindle from Transformers Animated
- Son-Chu - Chris's gay ass car with the Sonichu vanity plate
- Bumble-Lumba - recolor of Bumblebee from Transformers Animated. Also a pizza delivery car
- Excelina - recolor of R.C. from Revenge of the Fallen.
- Armoraxe - recolor of Sound Wave from Transformers Animated. Even has a guitar as a weapon.
Both were created by PandaHalo. [1]
- IBAChandler - The Sonichu variation of Liquid Chris.
Sonichu #10
Bugs Bunny
A beloved American cartoon icon for decades, representative of the wacky World War II propaganda cartoons and the early 20th century vaudeville theater, Bugs Bunny appeared briefly in Sonichu 10 to scold Jimmy Hill for his infringement upon Sonichu's copyright. This is a subtle reference to Mr. Hill's conviction over bootlegging Warner Bros. merchandise in Europe years earlier.
Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez
Two of CWCville's policemen (true blue, not Jerkops) who show up in Sonichu 10 to apprehend Inos. Despite this being their first appearance, they are shown as good friends of Sonichu.
Gerald is the white officer, with a strong chin resembling Quagmire of Family Guy. He takes a particular interest in Sonichu's son Robbie.
Louis is the black officer - Chris has confirmed that his addition was affirmative action in Mailbag 50. He greets Sonichu with a hearty "MY BRO!" and a fist-bump. Chris is clearly pulling out all the stops to achieve a diverse and nuanced cast. Sonichu in turn inquires about his wife and "little Lou"; they are reportedly "just chillin'".
It is worth noting that the office of Constable is no longer used in Virginia, calling into question the legitimacy of their authority.
It is also worthy of note that Louis Perez could be named after the character from the Saw franchise (possibly a relative, as Lindsey Perez from the movies is female). Chris has previously stated, that the Saw series is one of his favorite movie franchises in one of the Mailbags. Both characters are black policemen, making the "inspiration" much more likely. Constable Lou may also be connected to Sergeant Lou of The Simpsons, which would make Gerald Officer Eddie.
The Asperpedia Four
The main users of the Asperpedia. They are arrested and executed by Chris and the others for their roles in the death of Simonla. The four are:
- Alec Benson Leary - the creator of Asperchu. Is attacked off screen by the pseudo Chaotic Combo and Mitch Sonichu for "giving them Asperger's and drawing them SOOOO horribly." Is electrocuted by Chris and the Chaotic Combo.
- Evan - Simonchu's creator. Is castrated and drilled to death by Sandy and Wild.
- Sean Watley - Creator of Moon-Pals. Is shot to death by Allison, Bill the Scientist, and Kel.
- Mao - Asperpedia admin. Is broken and killed by Chris.
Others
- Sackboy
- Jimmy Hill
- Clyde Cash - a homo troll whom Chris forces to kill himself.
- Jack Thaddeus - another homo troll whom Chris forces to kill himself.
- Meg Griffin - Revealed to be Silvana in disguise.
- Asperchu/Mitch Sonichu - an alternate universe variation of Alec Benson Leary's Asperchu creation. Is cured of Asperger's and transformed into Mitch Sonichu by Ultra Sonichu.
- Michael Sonichu, Bobby Sonichu, Kitty Rosechu, Trisha Rosechu, Whisp Sonichu and Swift Sonichu - the Asperchu versions of Sonichu, Wild Sonichu, Bubbles Rosechu, Angelica Rosechu, Punchy Sonichu and Magi-Chan. Transformed and cured of their Asperger's by Ultra Sonichu.
- Metal Asperchu - A robot Asperchu created to find and collect the seven Chaos Pickles. Is destroyed by the pseudo Chaotic Combo.
- Basement Rosechus
- Inos
- Simonchu
- Toilet Exploding Voltorb - The Pokemon that kills Simonla with Self-Destruct.
- Sandy Rosechu
- Judge Slack Lewis
- Marvey Blaziken - A shameless ripoff of Harvey Birdman, except with a Blaziken instead of a Bird. serves as the Prosecutor for the Asperpedia Four's trial. Marvey is clearly a personification of Chris's poor understanding of the American legal system as he is able to win the case with no evidence beyond "they drew bad comics". He also appears at the end of the comic to be Chris's Mouthpiece against fans for having the AUDACITY to want semi-regular updates.
Sonichu Special 2
Ching Chong
A small Chinese girl that Ivy tutored in art. Ching Chong became mentally scarred for life due to her witnessing a video of Chris drinking his own "Navy" while innocently browsing the Encyclopedia Dramatica website. Chris offered formal excuses to her in a Captain's Log video. In the comic she appears as the flower girl.
Other Characters
- Keino - Ivy's dad
- Crass and Champ - Ivy's hermit crabs which are ring bearers
- Canino Houndhowl - receptionist for wedding, a creation of Megan that Chris ripped off
- Gecko and Mantis, a pair of Raptor Chefs.
- Lilith - A Meowth who is a bridesmaid
- Rachel - Ivy's best friend, the maid of honor
- CWCville Baptist Church Pastor
- My Little Pony
- Spas - a feline pianist
Sonichu Special 4
- CChanSonichuCWC - The REAL CHRIS who is falsely portrayed as a madman who kidnapped Kacey and likes to cut people
- Kacey - The Damsel in Distress
- Megatron - used to injure a man who is already disarmed.
- Kacey's family - All are thankful to Ian Brandon Anderson for shooting the unarmed Real Chris in the legs
- Matt Devoria - Kacey's father who looks like Guile from Street Fighter 2. (Hates Ian in real life and doesn't want them to marry.)
- Kacey's mother
- Kacey's brother
- Kacey's sister - Says Ian is a "hot man" and Liquid Chris is a "geeky twerp"
Sauce
- ↑ From the CWCipedia Sonichu page, under "Sonichu's Evolution" "Fire Stone = Blazebob Sonichu (to be Introduced soon in Episode 20 with Chloe Rosechu; both were fabricated by late Loyal Sonichu/Rosechu Fan and True Australian Gal-Pal, PandaHalo. She died in the brushfires of Australia April, 2009; she will always have a place in my heart with her singing of "Lift Up Your Eyes" from PlanetShakers)."