Mumble 3

Mumble 3 is the third of the Mumble chats involving Chris.

Summary

• Julie is having problems with her microphone. Chris tries and fails to sort it out.

[4:00]

• Julie reveals that she’s a professional cook. Chris says his favorite food is macaroni and cheese.

[6:00]

• Julie doesn’t know why Max stole her password. Chris recommends snooping around his room for clues.

[8:00]

• Julie wants to talk about her relationship with Chris, to which he says “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” instead.

[12:00]

• Clyde joins the channel, but he leaves right away.

[13:00]

• Chris says that he’s recovering from the stress of the Internet. His alarm goes off, making him lose his train of thought.

[14:30]

• Julie thinks Chris’s mom is an awesome singer.

[16:00]

• Julie hopes that Clyde is gone from Mumble for good.

[17:00]

• Chris previews Simonla and Wild’s upcoming relationship.

[18:00]

• Chris likes some heavy metal music and loves Guitar Hero. Turns out he has himself and a Sonichu guitar in World Tour.
• Upload of a video of Chris doing this. Turns out he can't play a real guitar.

[19:30]

• Clyde comes back, but he’s not in Chris and Julie’s channel.

[20:00]

• Chris loves Britney Spears, and Julie likes her too.

[21:00]

• Chris says that all of his female characters think he’s handsome, just like Barb and himself. He can't understand why he's single.

[22:00]

• Julie isn’t sure when she’ll be able to afford to come to Virginia.
• Clyde shows up to ask Chris why he hasn’t killed him yet. Apparently Clyde is killing himself.

[25:00]

• Clyde leaves the channel, and Julie says she has to leave for a bit.

[27:00]

• Chris realizes that Clyde has heard the whole conversation.

[28:30]

• Chris is “mostly attracted to women” and likes to draw attractive female characters. He also loves his “brain-children”, but he’d never have sex with them.

[30:00]

• Chris watches porn to “stretch an adult muscle” in his head.

[31:00]

• Chris can draw romance well despite being a frustrated virgin.
• Chris says sometimes he does what he feels instead of thinking.

[31:30]

• Chris’s comics are intended for children and the adult scenes are for the appreciation of teens and adults.

[33:00]

• How to Talk to Girls took the words out of Chris’s mouth.

[34:00]

• Julie is back. She explains that she was helping Max in the kitchen.

[35:30]

• Chris would consider making more non-Sonichu characters. Julie could help when she moves to Virginia.

[37:00]

• Chris doesn’t feel comfortable traveling long distances alone.
• Julie hopes to have slowly moved over to Virginia within the year.
• Chris lets Julie know that she could board with him.

[39:00]

• Most men are more comfortable with a “Sadie Hawkins situation”.
• Relationships are different in America than they are in Molvania.

[40:30]

• Chris explains how he used to wait for women to approach him.
• Chris trusts Julie, but he worries about what his mom will think.

[41:00]

• Chris suggests that Julie just “take a plunge”.
• Chris realizes that he should be taking his own advice.
• Julie promises that she will try to come to Virginia within the year.

[42:00]

• Julie worries that Clyde will rape her like he raped Panda.
• A half-Asian guy drove by Julie’s house and glared at her.
• Julie worries that the half-Asian guy might be Clyde. She didn't get the plate number.

[43:30]

• Chris assures Julie that she can trust him to protect her. Apparently he's the toughest person she knows.

[47:00]

• Julie sees someone outside of her house and is worried. Chris says that it’s best to just not think about it.
• Julie says that the person is holding something – perhaps a gun. Chris repeats that it’s best to just not think about it.
• Julie goes to lock her door because she hears pounding. Chris laughs hard when he’s told that it was just a salesman.

[50:30]

• Julie wants to play video games with Chris for hours on end.
• Chris repeatedly suggests that they could “play” in other ways.

[52:00]

• Chris reveals that he is willing to let Panda be with Clyde, Julie can have his virginity instead.

[53:00]

• Chris will do his best and hopefully not prematurely ejaculate.
• Chris guesses that cowgirl will be his favorite sexual position.

[54:00]

• Julie will try her hardest to visit Chris on his birthday.

[55:00]

• Julie asks Chris for a description of their future first time.
• Julie says that she will let Chris take her virginity.
• Julie is making Chris hard.

[56:30]

• Chris begins describing their future first time in detail.
• First up is a make-out session, and Chris will have eaten strawberries.

[57:00]

• Julie says that she’s already masturbating to his description.
• Next up is Chris taking off his pants and having Julie warm him up.
• Julie says that she wouldn’t mind blowing Chris on this first date.

[58:30]

• Chris explicitly assumes that he will prematurely ejaculate.
• Chris notes that he’ll still have a lot more “tiger in [his] tank”.
• Chris will unhook Julie’s bra and “marvel at [her] nipples”.
• Chris notes that Julie will already be “marvelling at [his] dick”.
• Chris will then massage Julie’s breasts and go down on her.

[1:00:00]

• Julie hopes that Chris is masturbating with her. He starts.

[1:01:00]

• Chris will start things off by going at it doggy style.
• Chris says that “it can go up to seven inches” – an obvious lie.

[1:02:00]

• Chris will use his fingers to keep his dick inside her.
• Chris says that he wouldn’t do anal during their first time.
• Chris predicts that cowgirl will come after doggy style.
• Chris belatedly notes that he will be wearing a condom.
• Chris speculates as to where on Julie’s body he’ll cum.
• Julie says that she’ll probably want to take it in the mouth.

[1:04:00]

• Chris says that they might clean up… or they might not.
• Julie says out of nowhere that she thinks she’s coming.

[1:05:00]

• Julie says that she’ll try to send Chris a picture of herself.
• Chris gives Julie his number, apparently for the first time.

[1:07:30]

• Chris wants to “be emotional in person” at some point.
• Julie leaves for no apparent reason.

[1:10:00]

• Chris will be happy to introduce Julie to his parents first. Then they'll have no problem with the sex.

[1:12:00]

• Chris imagines their future: Househusband and with a daughter.
• Julie will gladly be his wife and the mother of Crystal.

[1:13:00]

• Chris has no idea what he’d do if he did have to work, and isn't sure what job he could get with his CADD degree.

[1:14:00]

• Julie has set up a PayPal account for herself.
• Chris uses his account to sell items on eBay.
• Julie suggests that Chris make money with Sonichu.
• Chris isn’t sure he wants to go around advertising him.

[1:17:30]

• Julie suggests that Chris re-start talks with Nintendo, but Chris has no idea how he’d come up with money to travel.
• Julie insists that Chris prove himself to Reggie Fils-Aimé.

[1:20:30]

• Chris won’t shut up about Julie helping him do all of the above.

[1:21:30]

• Chris has no idea when the next issue of Sonichu will be done.
• Chris leaves for a while to collect his thoughts.

[1:22:30]

• Clyde shows up and announces that he’s heard everything.
• Clyde was the salesman and he’s gonna bring his guns next time.
• Clyde taunts Chris, who says that he’ll haunt Clyde in his sleep.
• Clyde doesn’t sleep, so Chris will haunt his every waking moment.

[1:24:30]

• Chris has God by his side, and he'll pray for Julie's safety.

[1:27:00]

• Clyde is tough because he’s lived on the streets in sub-zero weather. Chris responds that he’s tough because he stands up for his friends.

[1:28:30]

• Clyde is at a loss for words to describe how pathetic Chris is.
• Chris responds that Clyde is pathetic because he feels that way.

[1:29:30]

• Clyde states that he himself has no physical or mental handicaps.
• Clyde adds that he’s not on drugs either… at the moment.

[1:30:00]

• Clyde says that he’s going to play Russian Roulette with Julie.
• Chris bets that every time Clyde has played before, he’s lost.

[1:31:30]

• Julie says that Max will protect her, but Clyde doubts that.
• Clyde will get rid of Max like he did Richard Simmons and Sarah.
• Clyde knows that Julie will be dead tomorrow.
• Chris knows that Clyde is dead inside, and Clyde admits it.

[1:34:00]

• Chris honestly believes that Clyde is afraid to face him.
• Clyde admits that his rage will die when Chris does.

[1:35:30]

• Chris tries and fails to psychoanalyze Clyde.

[1:37:00]

• Clyde dares Chris to call the police on him.

[1:38:00]

• Chris suspects that Clyde killed his parents to get their money.
• Clyde insists that they died from carbon monoxide poisoning.

[1:40:00]

• Clyde says that Chris should leave his house and lose weight.
• Chris would leave for Julie’s, but he doesn’t know her address.

[1:42:00]

• Chris grows a pair and yells at Clyde to shut the fuck up.

[1:45:00]

• Chris apologizes for leading Ryan to commit suicide.

[1:46:00]

• Clyde tells Chris that he’s a burden upon his parents.
• Chris says in reply only that he feels his parents’ pain.
• Clyde reminds Chris that he is the cause of that pain.
• Chris is a “social butterfly”.
• Clyde thinks Chris’s parents meant for his babysitter to give him autism.

[1:48:30]

• Clyde tells Chris that his conception was a drunken mistake.
• Chris thinks he’s a miracle child because his parents were old even then, and compares the situation to an episode of Sex and the City.

[1:50:00]

• Chris doesn’t see any reason for men not to watch TV shows for women, and that fewer wars would happen if more men watched those shows.

[1:52:00]

• Julie can’t name three specific good qualities that Chris has.

[1:52:30]

• Chris understands that autism is caused by genetics, but continues to insist that his babysitter brought it out in him.

[1:54:00]

• Chris said his first word when he was just two weeks old.
• Baby Chris said “monkey”, but he was trying to say “mommy”.

[1:55:00]

• Chris thinks that he has “recovered” from his autism in a way.
• Chris doesn’t need to blame his autism because he's overcome it.
• Clyde keeps telling Chris to get a “real” autism diagnosis.
• Chris reluctantly accepts that his diagnosis is not a recognized one.
• Chris agrees with Clyde that his “mental block” never actually existed.

[2:02:30]

• Clyde remarks that Chris could never possibly live on his own.
• Chris replies that he can cook because he took two home ec classes.
• Chris can also:

Clean, since he has to pick up cat poop all the time.

Clean because he recently overflowed his "commode" while taking a dump and had to clean the floor with "some 409 and paper towels."

Wash his clothes and wash the dishes.

Take out the trash.

[2:05:00]

• Clyde congratulates Chris on knowing how to do all of those basic chores.
• Clyde explains that he’s trying to rescue women everywhere from Chris.

[2:07:00]

• Chris is content with the $800/month that he receives through Social Security.
• Chris honestly believes that he is paid as much as most employed people.

[2:09:00]

• Chris describes himself as “a jack-of-all-trades and master of none”. He just doesn’t know what type of job he’d be comfortable in. He is also concerned that he’d need to be paid at least $1,000/month.

[2:10:30]

• Clyde asks Chris what he’s done with his two CADD degrees.
• Chris replies that he designed the CWCville Shopping Center and that he’s also added more perspective to his artwork.

[2:12:00]

• Chris says he just needs a woman to help him make sound decisions.

[2:13:00]

• Clyde mentions that Vivian’s white knight efforts have been in vain.
• Chris says that he’s seeing his pastoral counselor once a week, not at all concerned that she isn’t a trained psychologist.

[2:14:00]

• Chris used to visit a “$25/hour psychologist” named Dr. Price.
• Chris was forced to see Dr. Price by PVCC and Mary Lee Walsh.

[2:16:00]

• Clyde insists that everything on Chris’s ED page is true. Chris still thinks that his words were simply misinterpreted and believes he lost Megan because he “got too close”.
• Chris says he drew ShecameforCWC “in protest of” his ED page. He ripped it up, but he still has the pieces.

[2:21:00]

• Chris explains that his past statements of hating gays were “misplaced rage”.
• Chris says that God has blessed him with more female friends than male ones.

[2:23:30]

• Clyde says that he’ll give Julie a reprieve if Chris declares that he’s gay.
• Clyde threatens to harm or kill Julie if Chris doesn’t make such a video.
• Chris says he won’t lie about his sexuality even to save Julie’s life.
• Chris relents and offers to sacrifice his image to save Julie from harm.

[2:26:00]

• Chris has three hours to record and post a video of himself coming out.
• Clyde leaves.
• Julie is eternally grateful to Chris for the sacrifice that he’s about to make.

[2:28:00]

• Chris wants to videotape his first time with Julie, and she wants the same.
• Chris says he’ll “cut the worst parts out” and upload the rest to YouTube.
• Chris and Julie tell each other “I love you”, and Chris leaves.

[2:29:00]

• BlueSpike starts singing “This was a triumph!” from Portal’s “Still Alive”, with troll chorus

Transcript

Chris: There we are. [Random background noise] Hmm now... What now? Oh.

Julie: Hi Chris!

Chris: Hello.

Julie: Ho- [audio cuts out]

Chris: Uh, say that again? You kinda broke up there.

Julie: Hold on, let me adjust my mic- [cuts out again]

Chris: Oh! It's you!

Julie: [muted] Yes of course!

Chris: Huh.

Julie: [Pause] So how are you Chri- [More audio failure]

Chris: I'm okay Julie, how are you?

Julie: I'm wonderful, thank you. Everything at home o-

Chris: Everything's Okay- Everything's Okay at home. Uh, I mean It's only I think that was you asked-yeah. I know you just bought that mike but it seems to be failing at points. Oh well.

Julie: Uh, let me configure it really- [cut] Maybe I can increase the vol- [[cut].

Chris: If anything you might have to close it and relog back then to up after you get it configure correctly. I mean order-or-or to get to configure it correctly.

Julie: Well actually I did that, I logged back in after I configured it- [cut]

Chris: Oh. Well you should carry speaker a little longer there (?)

Julie: So- [cut]

Chris: [Aggravated] Sigh. Broke up again. [Pause] I mean you can tell when you're breaking up because you look at the you-your lips up next to your name on the thing here and you kinda get greyed out, and that means you're- that's kinda like when you get cut off. [Pause] Or when you're done speaking.

Julie: hey I, oh I think I know what you- Is it better now-

Chris: You got cut off again.

Julie: That's weir-

Chris: Hmm. I don't know either. You just got it- you just installed it so uh, hmm. This is like first install jitters, or something. I dunno.

Julie: Is it better now?

Chris: I heard your, eh, eh, Yeah. I mean, I was able to hear you clearly until the points where you got cut of so uh, uh, yeah. I mean, yeah, you know, try saying something longer and I'll let you know if you get cut off mid-sentence.

Julie: I hope this microphone does not cut out as that would be horrible.

Chris: Alright, I got- I had your full sentence there. I heard ya. I heard ya.

Julie: Alright, that is good-

Chris: Huh. You got cut off again.

Julie:That's weird, I don't know what could be causing it. I turned off everything else that was using the connection.

Chris: Hmm. Well we just, well- it's best to try to make the best- make the best of it. So you know, uh, I'll try to understand you up- I mean- until the points, I mean the points- I mean, as best as I can even if you get- even if you might get cut off sometime. But anyway it's-

Julie: I'm sorr- I'm sorry about that.

Chris: That's okay. Hmm. So uh, how are you?

Julie: I'm wonderful! Things in America are wonderf-

Chris: Yep, I hear that. I'm just sorry about uh, the rising cost of things due to the economic crisis and all.

Julie: Yes, it's very hard on me.

Chris: Yeah. Alright so, uh tell me- so you said you were uh working at fast food or something to uh, earn money?

Julie: Yes, I'm working at restaurants. I'm a professional cook. Sorry. My English is still bad.

Chris: You said you were a professional cook?

Julie: I am professional at cooking.

Chris: Oh, that's good. Maybe after you come over here I could try a little bit of your cuisine for lunch or dinner.

Julie: Yes, I would enjoy that.

Chris: I mean, mostly I just uh warm up a TV dinner, but you know I am able to uh, cooking things- uh, cooking things for my- cooking things for myself when I have the instructions in front of me and the ingredients. But it's kind of, like hmm, you know, a bit crowded in my kitchen in here.

Julie: What's your favorite thing to eat?

Chris: Hmm. I like, mostly like mac and cheese.

Julie: I'm very good at cooking.

Chris: I'll take your word for it. And I'll look forward to uh, trying your-

Julie: [Interrupting] I'll be right back, sorry.

Chris: Okay.

[brief pause]

Julie: I'm back.

Chris: Okay. Let's- anyway you didn't answer my question how'd uh, did your passwo- how'd you get your password back after the previous time your brother changed it on ya?

Julie: Actually um, he actually just put it back to the original last. I'm not sure if he's gonna give it back this time, however.

Chris: Um. Hmm. Has he told you uh, me- he's probably just doing it just to annoy you but uh, maybe he- maybe uh, maybe he like, I don't know his mindset but maybe he wants something?

Julie: Perhaps.

Chris: I mean like did you ask him like, did you ever ask him like why did you change my password other than just to annoy me? What is it that you want?

Julie: I actually don't know why he chang- [cut off again]

Chris: It's like if you- [Julie interrupts, brief pause] It's like you got to try get into his head a little bit.

Julie: Hmm.

Chris: Like, you know, one thing you could do, you could, check out his room, see if you can find anything he's written down or look at, you know, look a clues in his room that describes him. Maybe you could, find something- find something there that uh, you can put in- put in common terms with or whatever, and uh, give him something that uh, makes him feel good from somewhere among those clues.

Julie: [Enthusiastic] Yes I could do that! That's a very good idea!

Chris: I mean, my room is a slew of big clues. [Chris pronounces "slew" as "slow"]

Julie: Yeah.

Chris: Yeah so... what else do you want to talk about?

Julie: Umm, I'm not really sure. Maybe we could talk about- I'm not sure. Maybe our relationship?

Chris: [Sudden intake of breath, as though wincing in pain] Oooh. Yeah.

Julie: Should I- Should I not bring this up?

Chris: No, it's okay, it's okay. [Pause] Mmm. Ummm. Yeah. I mean I'm just trying to think about what- what's a good- what's a, something to say at the moment. I mean you don't know what to say, you could say Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Julie: Ah. Have you heard from my friend Cameron Van- you know Cameron yet? Have you heard from him yet?

Chris: Ahh, Cameron?

Julie: Yes. [Realizing error] oh. Her. Sorry.

Chris: Oh. Uh, possibly is that uh, Is that- I dunno is that like your aunt, still over in Molvania

Julie: Well, I have unfortunate news about Molvania. It- it appears to have been destroyed. I know that sounds strange, but, I don't know what happened. I'm very worried.

Chris: Hmm. Maybe I can find something on the-

Julie: I miss my hometown.

Chris: I hear ya. Hang on, I'll uh, I'll Google Molvania, see if I can-

Julie: [Backpedaling] no, that's alright, I'm pretty sure I know what happened.

Chris: Oh. Uh, tell me in your own words what you think happened.

Julie: I don't know, It's just, I think the dictator of Molvania, I think he was assassinated,

Chris: The dictator was assassinated.

Julie: I'm not sure. As far as I heard from Cameron before he- I lost all contact with him.

Chris: [Incredulous] You mean her, don't you?

Julie: Sorry, I keep getting confused, my English is awful. I'm sorry.

Chris: It's okay, you're trying. You're doing- you're doing okay.

Julie: Thank you very much.

Chris: Yeah.

Julie: I think I'd like to talk about something else. I, you know.

Chris: That's fine, talk about anything.

Julie: So, how's Virginia?

Chris: It's okay. Uhh, you know, it's a good place to live. As, especially going out to Charlottesville and uh, whatnot, but it's okay.

Julie: Oh, that sounds wonder-

Chris: I mean, I can't, I mean I don't know what much to say, but uh, you know my Father could tell you, oh yeah, Virginia's a historic town, cuz, you know we got all the history from like, Thomas Jefferson and, oh yeah, the Monticello.

Julie: What do you like to do in Virginia?

Chris: Hmm. What Do I like to do in Virginia? Hmm. I dunno [nervous laugh] Been living in Virginia pretty much all my life so, pretty much just living my normal life at this point. Other than- other than that I can't really say, you know?

Julie: Can you tell what that includes? I really want to know what your life is like, I would love to know.

Chris: Hmm. Ahh, let me think about that. My life is like, uh...

Julie: Oh no!

Chris: What?

Julie: I see Clyde's here. Uh oh.

Chris: Hmm.

Julie: Oh well, let's just ignore him.

Chris: Yeah. It's like uh, he seems to be under the "Inactive" area.

Julie: Yeah no one can hear us here.

Chris: Oh, and uh, here's a note, it says that Clyde left the channel.

Julie: Oh, that's good.

Chris: In the left column here. Hmm. Don't really, I mean, don't really have much on my mind uhh, right now, let me see. Ah, mostly I've just been uh, collecting my thoughts and taking my time. You know, recovering from the internet, from the stress of the, the stress of the internet and whatnot.

Julie: Yes, the internet can be a very stressful place, especially with all these jerks trying to make you mad.

Chris: Yeah. Yeah it can be very tiring is- yep. Very tiring.

Julie: You should stand up to them sometime. You should just tell them you're not going to take it anymore.

Chris: Yeah I think I, I pretty much do that, just like you know, like, I keep my cool- I kept my- pretty much kept my cool and not so much- [Chris's cell phone alarm goes off] Excuse me.

Julie: Okay.

Chris: That was my phone, reminding me of, er, just a reminder.

Julie: Oh, okay.

Chris: Uh, lost- lost my train of thought there.

Julie: Awww.

Chris: Don't you just hate that where you lose your train of thought and it's hard to recover?

Julie: Yeah. I hate it so much.

Chris: I- yep I- I hear you there.

Julie: So, so how is your life? I mean, are things with your parents okay? I would love to hear.

Chris: Mmm, you know, uh, can't complain. It's uh, not to- not totally bad. It's okay. I mean, uh, it's-

Julie: Is your father giving you trouble again?

Chris: Mmm. Uh not so much lately. Uh, I had to go downtown with him to get his pacemaker checked.

Julie: Oh, I hope he's okay.

Chris: D'awright.

Julie: How's your mother?

Chris: She's alright.

Julie: I heard her singing, what was it, yesterday? She's a very good singer.

Chris: Yeah. You know I told her that, uh, you know. Ya'll- Ya'll on the Mumble here heard her singing and they gave you a compliment it's like you know, "Oh, I can't sing, I'm tone deaf. They're just lying to try to make you feel good." Just a little um, just a little mod- just a little modesty there. From her point.

Julie: Everything I said about her awesome singing. I- I- It was a hundred percent true Chris, I assure you.

Chris: Yeah, I know. I mean, I think she- I think she's a great singer too.

Julie: As do I.

Chris: Sorry, could you repeat that, what was that?

Julie: As do I, I agree with you.

Chris: Oh, as do you. That's what you said. Hm. It sounded like you said somethings, it sounded like you said "something, something why". Heh.

Julie: Oh.

Chris: Yeah, like, I dunno, heh. Could be asking a question like, "Why, blahdah blahda". But never mind about that. I mean, I mean- I mean I understand, I'm understanding you clearly. Up to like, you know, up to when you get cut off and whatever.

Julie: So apparently Clyde did get kicked from the Mumble server, so that's good.

Chris: Yeah.

Julie: Hopefully he's gone for good. He's been trying to promote his awful comic.

Chris: Yeah. Yeah I'm definitely gonna take- I'm definitely gonna- I've been taking some time, and I've been thinking about like you know doing a page at a time, and uploading that to my website. As, as I- as I draw the comic.

Julie: Hey Chris, Umm... I know maybe it's confidential, but could you tell me about- a bit about the next comic? I really want to hear.

Chris: Tough love, simply enough- in the first episode Wild and Simonla will meet in the Dating Education class, and it'll just be like, a simple romance, without them- with only the professor knowing it, the two get paired up uh, communicating with each other over- over, like internet and cell phone and whatnot in practice. And then they all love each other.

Julie: Cool. I look forward to reading about it.

Chris: Yeah I mean, but, you would think, you know, Simonla is a ground/bug type and uh, Wild's a grass-electric. It's like they wouldn't, uh, hook up very well on the opposite traits. But you know, Wild don't- wild don't care. Loves her.

Julie: Wow. That sounds so nice. You know what, I'd like to change the subject a bit?

Chris: Uh, sure.

Julie: Can I ask you about your taste in music? I like Alysia myself? [?]

Chris: Uhh.

Julie: Can I show you one of her videos? Her videos?

Chris: Uhhh, no. Uh, no that's okay, but you said Alysia, I think I've heard that name mentioned before.

Julie: Yes, I believe it was mentioned uh, last time

Chris: Yeah, I kinda like mo- like uh, all types of music. Uh, some heavy metal, not so ehhh, but you know I'll play it on guitar hero, at least.

Julie: I've been trying to get Guitar Hero. That's one of the next games I've been planning to get.

Chris: Guitar Hero Metallica?

Julie: Well, even Guitar Hero Metallica, or maybe world tour.

Chris: World Tour's already out. With the band kit.

Julie: I can possibly get that.

Chris: Or you can- or you can get Guitar Hero 3: Legends of Rock or Aerosmith.

Julie: I hear there are some rock stars that are actually playable in Guitar Hero 3, who are they?

Chris: Ahh, I can't really, I don't really memorize- I don't really memorize the uh, playable characters, but in world tour I did create a playable version of myself.

Julie: Cool.

Chris: Yeah. Yeah there's a video on the YouTube that shows me playing with my character and the Sonichu Guitar.

Julie: Yeah, I noticed you played really well. Do you know how to play the real guitar?

Chris: Ehhh. No, but you know, the guitar, the plastic guitar's good enough for me, I mean, I feel it's good- good enough. Like playing a real guitar. [Voice becomes very gloomy] Even though it's not, but still, [back to cheerful] It's good enough for me!

Julie: Oh no. I think Clyde's back. Hopefully he doesn't notice this. Hopefully [drown out by clattering noises] -but let's just ignore him again.

Chris: I mean, yeah. He's not in- he's not in our private channel. So, he's not hearing us.

Julie: Yea- [cut off again]

Chris: Hmm. Yeah but anyway- yeah, I like all kinds of music. Uh, but uh, you know, my favorite female pop star- my favorite female pop star-singer I'd say would be, would have to be Britney Spears.

Julie: I agree, Britney spears is very nice.

Chris: Yeah.

Julie: You know, about your comic? I actually have a question I've been pondering for quite awhile.

Chris: Ask.

Julie: Ummm, do you find yourself attracted to your female characters you created at all?

Chris: Ah, do I find myself attracted to my female characters?

Julie: That you have created, yes. I'm sorry if it's a bit too much but I feel like I just, I've been pondering it.

Chris: Hmm. Let me think about that, hmm. Are we including the Rosechus?

Julie: Huh. What?

Chris: Uh, hang on a second, we've got an interloper here.

Julie: It must be a troll.

Chris: Oh, there he goes, he got kicked out.

Julie: Oh, there he goes. Thank goodness.

Chris: Yep. Ah, right so, are we talking about uh- so, in addition, yeah uh, the human female characters. Are we also talking about me being attractive to the Rosechus?

Julie: Yes, I've been pondering. I'm just wondering.

Chris: Yeah they'd- yeah I would say they all have a good ap- I would - they all think I'm handsome. Like my mother. My mother- my mother thinks I'm- my mother tells me constantly that I'm handsome and I agree with her, like when I look at myself in the mirror. But it's like, you know, every time she tells me I'm handsome I'm like, “If I'm so handsome why don't I have a girlfriend?”

Julie: I don't know! I can't imagine why either. You're- well the youth of god's world (?) you're just dashing.

Chris: I appreciate that.

Julie: It is my pleasure.

Chris: [Brief pause] Let me go off-topic a bit. So, how- how long do you think it will be until you feel like you'll be able to afford to make the trip to uh, come to Virginia?

Julie: I'm not sure. Things are tough with the economic problems in America currently. Hopefully you'll be able to um, hopefully I'll be able to soon.

Chris: Hmm. You getting any financial help from your family? I mean uh, you can count your brother, but I'm not necessarily counting him.

Julie: Well, most of my family live in Molvania. For after- I mean, before it happened. I hope they're okay.

Clyde I'm here Chris...

Julie: Clyde?! What are you doing here?

Clyde I just wanted to stop by and say hi, Julie.

Julie: Get out.

Chris: Yep

Clyde Look Chris, Chris. I just wanna tell you something.

Chris: Yeah wh-

Clyde I'm off my medication right now, I'm off my leia (?) and I'm still angry at you now. Last time was a mistake. I shouldn't, Vivian told me... [exhales] Oh god. Tell me Chris. I just want you to answer one thing.

Chris: What is it.

Clyde Why haven't you killed me yet? Why haven't you killed me yet.

Julie: [Pause] Chris I think he's trying to tick me.

Chris: Hmm.

Julie: Clyde, how did you get in here?!

Clyde [Short whisper, indistinct]

Julie: You must be on your drugs again, you jerk!

Clyde Not this time. Not this time. I was being too nice last time, obviously. That was me on drugs. I was too nice when I was on drugs.

Chris: You know Clyde, I have an answer- I do have an answer for you. I haven't killed you yet because you're doing a good job doing it to yourself.

Clyde Uhhh... I haven't attempted to kill myself. Ever.

Chris: Druggie.

Julie: Chris, I don't think he's gonna leave. I'm scared. What if he tells all the other jerks what you've been saying? What if he knows?! No. I don't know. [Clyde momentarily interrupts]

Chris: He knows nothing. He's been mostly out of this conversation.

Clyde I know everything. Ever.

Chris: Op. There we go, he got kicked out. [pause] There you go he got kicked out. Yeah but I think most- I think- I think we're safe because he did not hear most of our conversation since, you know, he was mostly in the inactive column.

Julie: I have to be right back soon.

Chris: Okay.

Julie: So there should be something we can do about Clyde.

Chris: But uh, like uh- I'm not too worried about him. I mean I'll deal with him- [Julie interrupts] I mean I'll deal with him when uh, he pops in.

Julie: Okay.

Chris: According to Cogsdev, he says that Clyde shouldn't be able to come back. [pause] Hmm, right so we were-

Julie: It must be another troll.

Chris: Nah, that's okay. They're taken care of... They're being taken care of- they're taken care of. But anyway getting back to our conversation, talk about uh, yeah you tried- I was asking you if you had any financial aid from your family. But uh, then you said that they- the troubles in Molvania and such. Uh. Yeah, but mostly uh- any help at all from your family? Financially. [pause] Julie? Okay.

[Pause]

Chris: Hmm. Uhh, Cogsdev, you can- you heard the whole conversation, didn't you? [Pause] Oh. Okay. [unclear mumbling, pause] Oh, okay, well that's okay, you didn't have to uh, come into the channel, but uh, yeah okay but anyway so what's your question?

[Pause]

Chris: Hmm. Active manner. Hmm. Yeah cuz I like- cuz I like to uh, hmm. But I mostly am attracted to women so when I draw my female Characters I like to uh... with like you know I, yeah. I like to make them attractive. I have done, uh, hmmm. [pause] I can't really uh, hmmm. No, I would not have uh, sex with any of them but it's like you know, uh.. It's like but you know, I love them as if they were my friends or uh, or like you know, my brain children. But I would never have sex with them. I mean it's like uh, alright, yeah, Cogsdev, I know you're a girl and I will take your word for it on that, but uh, yeah but, yeah. It's like uh, you have- you would have- if you had a son, wouldn't you want to make him look attractive?

[Pause']

Chris: Alright, there you go, you'd dress him up as nice- as nicely as possible. [Pause, then inaudible mumbling] Obviously I watched uh, yeah, I did watch Pornography and then I did get the frustration from the e- from between the ED page it- the page and the trolls. But it's also like, you know uh, I've all- I've wanted to do something like that, you know uh, just to stretch uh an adult muscle in my head. And plus, if you'll look at the, uh, at the lovey-dovey non-nudity scenes like uh, you know just the embracing and the kissing. They're like my best works of- they're like my best examples of art. It's like even though I'm a frustrated virgin, I can draw romance very well.

[Pause]

Chris: Yeah. I just- but- you know, a bunch of times I most but- like majority of- like most other people I'm random. And I'll uh, I'll never know what I'm gonna- sometimes I never know what I'm gonna do next. If I'm- um- what I mean I work out- I don't think- sometimes I don't think I feel. If I wanna do something to- just for the heck of it then I'll do it. But yeah, the comic is mostly intended for children.

[Pause, sigh]

Chris: But it's also like you know, it's- I'll figure that it's also like it's intention for like when they get older. Years later they're- they're in their teenage years and they're like uh, they're looking back at the earlier stuff and it's like “Oh that was so childish”. But then it's like you know I- I added this uh- this- the uh, the T-rated or the- or adult materials I pretty much did. It's like uh, they could relate better- they could like relate to that in their adult- in their teenage and adult years. Just uh- just uh- just a small branch out, if you will.

[Pause]

Chris: More of a- I would say that uh, related to like what I would like in my romantic love life. Or like, you know, when I have my romantic relationship with my sweetheart. That's pretty much- I'm gonna be doing it. And also with that uh, also good advice for uh, those that don't know for themselves. Like I'm working on the dating education episode I was just telling Julie about a little bit. But yeah, that 9-year-old who wrote that book pretty much took the words out of my mouth, and then some, but mostly-

Julie: I'm back Mr. Chandler!

Chris: [Laughs] Oh that's- that was fun. I was just talking to Cogsdev uh, pretty much.

Julie: Ah, I see!

Chris: you know it's just-

Julie: So, did I miss anything important?

Chris: Ahh, not really. Just answered the- I just answered a couple of her questions.

Julie: Oh, alright. Wait, how did- huh. Oh, nevermind. [pause] So I'm sorry I had to take a brief absence. My brother called me for help with something.

Chris: I see. Hmmm. I'm sure Cogsdev won't mind but I'm just gonna see if I can... how to do it here it says “kick and mute” I just want- I just want to move- oh, she moved herself. Okay. So, alright so, what did he want? You to help him with?

Julie: He just- he just wanted to help- me to help him with um, from the kitchen.

Chris: Oh. I see. That's good. Hmm.

Julie: Hmm. I just thought of another question while I was helping him in the kitchen.

Chris: Yes?

Julie: I noticed that all your characters are indeed- well, most of them are indeed Sonichus and Rosechus.

Chris: Yeah?

Julie: Do you plan to make any other characters that are not Sonichus and Rosechus? Like that character I gave to you earlier?

Chris: Hmm. Possibly. But you know that there are some, there are other animal characters outside that, the Sonichus and Rosechus, you know, there's Flame the sunbird.

Julie: Yes there is him. I-

Chris: Of course we have the human characters.

Julie: Yes I know, but aside from them, do you plan on making any other non-Sonichu or Rosechu characters?

Chris: Yeah, possibly for like you know uh, one way or another hero villains, side characters, It just-

Julie: I look forward to it!

Chris: Time will tell. And uh... here's a thought, after uh, you move to uh, Virginia, and you come be- and you come be with me, then uh, it's like you could help me work on that. Create those characters.

Julie: I am pretty good at character design. I've made a few characters like the one you've seen before.

Chris: Yeah.

Julie: I wanna ask.

Chris: Hmm?

Julie: You said before that you do get money every month, is this not right?

Chris: Oh yeah, I do get, yeah I do get a mo- social security.

Julie: Well, you must have more money than I. Can you try to come to Ohio sometime? Or would you prefer if I came to your house.

Chris: I'd rather uh, you came to my house. Cuz I just don't feel comfortable traveling long distances, uh by myself at least.

Julie: I guess, but I've never been in America myself either. I'm somewhat worried myself.

Chris: Best thing you can do to relive that tension is just to, take a deep breath, once in awhile, take your time. You know, quote unquote stop and smell the roses.

Julie: Alright I guess.

Chris: You know it's like, uh, you don't have to uh, be in a hurry to get from point A to point B. It's just like, you can space it out in- you can space it out in your own mind, at your own individual pace. As long as you go.

Julie: Yeah, I think I'll try uh, slowly move over. Hopefully I'll get there this year. If I'm lucky.

Chris: Hmm. Yeah this year. Or uh, I dunno. I'll tell ya what uh, it may be possible, but I might uh, be able to board you here if uh, board you here in my- board you here in my room until uh you get uh, until you get an apartment for yourself, you know? Until you get here.

Julie: Can I ask you something?

Chris: Yeah.

Julie: In Molvania men indeed do come to the womens houses first. But how things are different here? I figured that they have the same rules.

Chris: Well you know, same more or less. But it's like uh, most people are more comf- most men are more comfortable with uh, what they call a “Sadie Hawkins” situation because uh- alright yeah, Sadie- it's uh, pretty much just fictional character Sadie Hawkins, you can look her up on uh Wikipedia or something.

Julie: I think I will.

Chris: Yeah but, mostly it's like uh, no guy would- every- every guy was like afraid to uh, talk to her so, she pretty much did the asking of the guy- asking to the guys. And uh, they would most likely say yes but- yeah so, she pretty much started a trend of women asking the guys or going to them.

Julie: I see.

Chris: And I just, for a long while I felt more comfortable- more comfortable in a Sadie Hawkins situation.

Julie: Uh huhh.

Chris: Like you know uhhh, pretty much the women- pretty much the women coming to me that's uh, pretty much why during my in-person experiences, during my sweetheart search in the earlier years when I actually were, in- actually was in the lo- in the real life locations. I was waiting for the women to come to me. Cuz I was just shy and uncomfortable- I just was shy mostly.

Julie: But you don't need to be shy around me, you know me, you trust me completely, right?

Chris: Yeah. But still-

Julie: You shouldn't be scared.

Chris: Yeah, but also there's the uh, there's like role troubles and my fam- and my mom would- and my mom would worry and all that sort of- all that sort of-

Julie: [interrupting] my brother worries about my safety. You know, he doesn't want me to get hurt out there because the world is a mean place.

Chris: I hear- I hear you there.

Julie: Hmm. I'm still worried.

Chris: Sometimes you just gotta take a plunge. I mean, listen to me, talking like this. It's like I should be taking plunges for myself. Hmm. Here's some thing-

Julie: [interrupting] Well, I guess I could try.

Chris: I would appreciate that. I really would

Julie: I- I will- I promise you right now, I just want you to know, that I will consciously try to get to Virginia in this year. I will try my very hardest.

Chris: Thank you. I want you to know I mean that from my heart. Thank you Julie.

Julie: You are very welcome Chris. But again, I'm worried. What if Clyde- what if he attempts to rape me as he did with Panda? I'm worried. Worried for my own safety.

Chris: Yeah but uh, as long as you don't uh, put it on the internet where you're currently living, then uh-

Julie: Yes but he's able to follow me. I think I've seen a car around my house- someone... someone Asian in it? I think Clyde is Asian, I'm worried. He looked in with an evil glare, I'm worried. I think it was half-Asian actually, I'm not really- I'm just really scared that if I try and leave my house that he's gonna do awful things to me. Awful horrible things to me! I'm scared Chris.

Chris: I hear you. I feel for you. I'd be scared too.

Julie: But I don't think! I- I don't think he'd rape you. Which is why I think maybe you should come- I apologize for the background noise, TV is on.

Chris: That's okay. Uhhh, but you- surely that guy cannot be out there all the time.

Julie: Yes but I see his car even at night. I have a feeling he may be stalking me but I don't know where he is and I'm scared to call anyone about it.

Chris: Well do you have his license plate number?

Julie: But Chris I- no I don't. But, I know Chris, that- you're tough Chris. I actually- I believe in you. You are the strongest person I've ever met. You're tough! I know you are. I know you've described yourself a couple times but, you are the strongest person I know. I know this! I want you to protect me Chris. Can I please trust you? With my life? Do you think that would be...

Chris: Alright you can trust- I'm- you can trust me to protect you.

Julie: Thank you Chris I apprecia [audio cut off].

Chris: Yes. I will protect you.

Julie: Yeah the TV is extremely loud. I should ask my brother to turn It down.

Chris: Actually I'm not hearing your tel- I'm not hearing your television.

Julie: Huh.

Chris: So you know, it's okay at this point.

Julie: Alright. [brief pause] Chris?

Chris: Yeah.

Julie: Thank you. I'm happy that I could trust you. And I'm happy that you can also trust me.

Chris: I'm happy too. That uh, you're able to uh, to trust me very much as well and that you understand me very well. Makes me feel better. Makes me feel happier.

Julie: I'm very, it's my pleasure making you feel happy, Chris. It's my ple- [Audio cuts out]

Chris: Uhh, Cogsdev uh, Okay, uh, did you have another question or something?

Julie: I'll be right- [Audio cuts out]

Chris: [to Cogsdev] oh yeah well we were just talking uh, but yeah, Julie will be right back so uh, it's okay. Did you have something else on your mind?

[Pause]

Julie: So anyway, uh, yes I do see someone outside my house. I don't know who it is.

Chris: Just uh, just try not to think about it.

Julie: I won't.

47:00

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