Difference between revisions of "Ivy"

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{{rainbow|Ivy is dead!}}
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Honest}}
{{Troll}}


{{quote|♪She's gotta be true, she's gotta be pretty, and she's got to be the sweetest thing in liiiiffe, and her name be Ivvyyyyy~♪|[[Chris]] singing [[If You Were a Woman and I Was a Man|Bonnie Tyler karaoke]].<ref>[[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero]]</ref>}}


[[Image:Ivy.jpg|thumb|This is what Chris-Chan actually believed]]
{{infobox
| title = Ivy
| image = [[Image:Ivyface.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1  = Information
|label1  = Name
|data1    = Ivy O'Neil
|label2  = Date of Birth
|data2    = 17 March 1992 (age {{age|1992|3|17}})
|label4  = Gender
|data4    = Female
|label5  = Nationality
|data5    = [[United States|American]]
|label6  = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6    = White
|label7  = Father
|data7    = [[Officer Keino]]
|label8  = Occupation
|data8    = Art history student
}}


'''Ivy O'Neil''' (also '''Ivy O' Niel'''[sic] or '''Ivy O'Nial''' [sic]) (born 17 March 1992) was [[Chris|Chris's]] [[sweetheart]] from 25 [[March 2009]] to the first half of [[May 2009]].
'''Ivy O'Neil''' was a [[troll]] who became [[Chris]]'s one and only [[sweetheart]] from [[March 2009|March]] to [[May 2009]]. The slew of work that escalated from her simple request to gain a video shout-out remains one of the crazier sagas in the CWChronology. Ivy's saga is also seen as one of the most important to Christorians, as it provided insight into Chris's thought processes, the saga being a scenario where Chris genuinely believed that his [[Love Quest]] was ending.


The Ivy saga resulted in three ''[[Sonichu Special 1|Sonichu Specials]]'', four music videos, a bunch of weird and creepy non-music videos (including conclusive proof Chris drinks his own [[semen]]), a long awaited [[Tour of Christian's House|tour of his house]], a new [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys album]], procuring [[CWC is Angry|The Lost Video]], the emergence of [[Joshua Martinez]] and [[Rocky Shoemaker]] as troll obstacles, images of the new [[Medallion of Fail]] while he's wearing [[butt garments]], and unexpected changes in Chris's behavior. Despite this, people bitch (notably [[/cwc/|Krapplefags]]) Ivy failed and did nothing.
__TOC__


Due to the increase in absurdity of Chris's behavior in this period, there are many fags who thought, and still think, that Ivy is a figment of Chris's imagination.
{{clear}}


==Origins==
==Prologue==
[[Image:Ivythumb.png|thumb|Ivy's drawing of herself]]
Something about Ivy brought out the crazy in Chris at levels rarely seen before or ever since. The Ivy Saga resulted in three ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu Specials]]'', four music videos, a bunch of weird and creepy non-music videos (including the notorious [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Fanta: Semen Flavor|Fanta]] video), a long-awaited [[Tour of Christian's House|tour of his house]], a new [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys album]], the discovery of [[CWC is Angry|The Lost Video]], the emergence of [[Joshua Martinez]] and [[Rocky Shoemaker]] as troll obstacles, images of Chris wearing the new [[Medallion of Fail]] and [[butt garments]], and unexpected changes in Chris's behavior.


[[Image:Ivy.png|thumb|Image first posted on [[/cwc/]].]]
Ivy was a redhead. Chris therefore lowered his standards slightly by allowing her to become a sweetheart, since women with red hair had been excluded (along with [[niggos|blacks]] and non-[[boyfriend-free girl]]s).


In [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 18th, 2009]], Chris gave a shout out to "Avi" and her friend Rachel. These were originally assumed to be code names for [[Emily]] and her friend Stephanie to protect their identities. The next day, Chris edited the video to blow kisses to "Avi".
==Timeline==
===March===
[[Image:Message_For_Ivy.jpg|thumb|[[Creepy stare|The stuff of nightmares.]]]]


The video [[CWC's Message for Ivy]] on 20 March confirmed that Chris was actually saying '''"Ivy"''' and that he had already moved onto a new girl the same day he was tricked by the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]]. This video was deleted and so some people did not know about it until 4 days later.
The story of the Ivy Saga came when she wanted to surprise a friend by getting Chris to give a video shout-out. Posing as a member of Chris's [[fanbase]], after a 30-minute grilling by [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] she was able to speak to Chris. He was quiet and seemingly uninterested, but he agreed to the shout-out. In his Captain's Log of [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 18th, 2009|18 March 2009]], Chris sent his greetings to "Ahmy-vie" and her friend Rachel. This was right at the height of the [[Emily]] fiasco – between the day Chris stood her up and the day the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] stole her away –, so "Ivy" and "Rachel" were assumed by many observers to be codenames for Emily and her friend Stephanie.  


On 21 March, Ivy was introduced on [[/cwc/]].
Ivy was dissatisfied with the quality of the shout-out and immediately called back to complain. Disappointed with Emily's no-show, Chris was now much more animated with Ivy, and told her, "If things don't work out with Emily I would consider you for my new heartsweet." The very next day, 19 March, after the Emily date and Clyde Cash's [[hooker incident]], Chris called Ivy. They discussed video games, art, and handwriting. She sent him a self-portrait along with a drawing of her personal Sonichu character "Layla" (see above), and Chris shared with Ivy sexual fantasies involving Layla and [[Reginald]]. He told Ivy, "I love you." What follows was [[CWC's Message for Ivy|massive levels of creepiness]] not even the most hardened of trolls were ready for.


==Character==
{{quote|I'll be in your dreams!|Chris to Ivy<ref>[[CWC's Message for Ivy#Video]]</ref>}}


Ivy is frequently seen with her sidekick [[Layla|Luckett]].
{{Main|Sonichu Special 1}}
[[Image:CWCVictoryForIvy.jpg|thumb|[[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|Fresh from the shop!]]]]
Ivy was in the driver's seat now, and proved to be a muse like no other. Chris responded with some of his most complex work to date, ''Sonichu'' Special 1 and its accompanying music video, [[CWC Holding Out for a Hero]].


Ivy has crabs. Her pet hermit crabs are named [[Crass and Champ]].
From this point onwards, Chris was utterly smitten with Ivy, and genuinely thought that this would be his lucky break and a chance to end his tenure as a [[Virgin with Rage]], if ''Sonichu'' Specials [[Sonichu Special 2|2]] and [[Sonichu Special 3|3]] are to be believed.


Ivy is a redhead. Chris lowered his standards slightly more by allowing her to become a sweetheart (previously, they were excluded along with blacks and non-[[boyfriend-free girl]]s).
For the rest of March, Chris was a prolific video blogger. He doubled down on his [[Chris Sings Lovin' You|creepy video messages]] and make a positive difference in the life of Ivy's [[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora|insecure cousin, Flora]]. He managed this even while pressed on another front by his [[Clyde Cash|arch-nemesis]]; indeed, most of Chris's videos directed against Clyde during these months were in fact prompted by Ivy.


==Honeymoon==
Things were moving quickly, but of course a classy college girl like Ivy wasn't going to arrange a sleepover at the Chandlers' sight unseen. Her next request, a [[Tour of Chris's House|tour of the property]], ignited a slow-forming but [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|ultimately epic]] meltdown; his parents proceeded to get pissed at him for filming their house and putting it on the internet without their consent, fearing that the local health department could see it and condemn their house.


On [[2009#April|27 April 2009]], a [[Giant Penis Comic|comic featuring what Chris thinks would be his perfect honeymoon]] was leaked.  
Chris also shared details with Ivy about his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|incontinence issues]] and Barb's constant effort to persuade him to wear protective liners or, as he called them, "[[butt garments]]".


In this comic, Chris starts out by presenting himself to Ivy's father, a True and Honest police officer dressed in blue with a real metallic badge. They later go to a "Double-CWC" hotel presumably in CWCville, basically a rip-off of the real Double Tree luxury hotels. They both enter a room with as much as 5 Glade lavender air fresheners, presumably to mask the stench of [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|his uncontrollable bowels]], all filled with hearts made of rose petals. Once they get there, they start having sex.
===April===
{{Main|Vanessa Saga}}


During the sex scene, Chris first starts out by pulling off his tuxedo and his dress pants, revealing his trademark striped shirt and medallion. Then he pulls out his ''LUDICROUSLY ENORMOUS'' [[duck]], as in ''the size of a human leg'' -- which mysteriously happens to shrink later to a normal size in order to fit in Ivy's pussy -- and then, they both transform into their fursonas: Ivy into a non-descript Rosechu, and Chris into [[Chris-chan Sonichu]]. Once they're done, they both raise their heads in awe and say "THANK YOU, GOD!".
As April dawned, [[Rocky Shoemaker]] very nearly pulled the Chandlers, kicking and screaming, out of their vortex of stupidity. Luckily for Ivy, she had already passed all of the Chandlers' tests for TRUTH and HONESTY,<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref> and so was spared most of the (brief) fallout. Rocky put a temporary halt to Chris's video production, but Ivy convinced him that everything would be fine as long as he deleted the videos from YouTube as soon as she had saved them. Yet even as one crisis passed, another emerged when [[Joshua Martinez|a mutual friend]] introduced Chris to [[Vanessa Hudgens]]. Juggling '''two''' needy imaginary girlfriends would [[Blanca Emails, September 2008#Sarah Jackson love triangle|once again]] prove challenging for one merely-mortal autistic man.


Afterwards, Chris and Ivy are shown having what Chris thinks of as a fancy dinner: grilled chicken, vegetables, mashed potatoes, and [[Semen|CWC Orange Soda]] served in wine glasses.
[[Image:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|WHY]]
{{Main|April 16 Fetish Vids}}
With inspiration from Ivy, Chris got a new [[cwcville.com]] up, and made progress on [[Sonichu 9|Sonichu #9]]. He then created the world's first-ever YouTube videos intended for [[Crass and Champ|pet crabs]]. The [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)|Hedgehog Boys]] got back together and hit the road again. And then shit got real: mid-month, Ivy found out about Chris's two-timing ways. The [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Spank Dat Ass|punishment]] was revolting, to say the least. After his humiliating penance, Chris was given a second chance...


Explanations for why he considered such a cheap-ass honeymoon are varied. Some people believe it's due to Chris's good ol' narcissism. Others believe this is because Chris was raised in such a dirty and sloppy household, that stuff we would consider mundane are very luxurious to him (consider the fact that he's fantasized about taking his first [[dating|date]] to ''[[McDonald's]]''). Others, meanwhile, believe this is because Chris, being the deranged, socially inept manchild that he is, has never been or was never taken to a fancy restaurant.
{{Main|Sonichu Special 2}}
...to plan a kickass wedding! The result was another ''Sonichu Special'', complete with an accompanying video, [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"]]. And you can't have a wedding without...


==Break-up==
{{Main|Sonichu Special 3}}
...a honeymoon! Ivy specifically asked Chris to draw his [[duck]] life-sized, so that he couldn't hide the bend. Needless to say, the leaking of the infamous Giant Penis Comic meant that April ended on a decidedly low note. Chris had to make an explanation video to ease the mind of a traumatized [[Ching Chong]], and had to confess to all of [[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions|his crimes]]. Of course, the dastardly trolls pounced on every word.


One of Ivy's main goals was to get Chris to continue working on his comic. However, Chris didn't want to finish it because [[Rocky]] was tipped off and so Chris feared she would break up with him. {{cite}}
{{quote|Ivy is real! We are going to be together foreverrr! I CAN FEEL THE COSMOS.|Chris<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]]</ref>}}


Ivy had been planning to break up with Chris for a while, but due to [[Joshua Martinez]]'s involvement with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] forced her to postpone. When suspected that Josh was trolling Chris for cash instead of the lulz, Ivy and her friend told Chris to cancel the check for a "special" PSP from "Vanessa." The attempt to help Chris backfire, as Chris thought he would be [[fail|clever]] if he gave Josh a check he knew was bad, and then keep the PSP, insisting that "Vanessa" would be "upset" if he gave it back to Josh. On top of that, Ivy discovered that Chris had been stealing money from his parents for his [[PSN]].
Chris helped Ivy put the Vanessa mistake behind them by discussing their future together. Chris assumed that after they got married, she would use her Ph.D. to get a full-time job, but would also do all the cooking when she got home. He would, of course, sit around and draw his comics. He also assumed that Ivy would have no problem if he visited strip clubs, but got very uncomfortable when she asked about her own sexual needs. When the conversation turned to oral sex, he explained his theory about [[recycling]], and indulged her with a notorious demonstrative [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Fanta: Semen Flavor|video]].


The $30 check cancellation fee upset Chris's parents so much, they went to the police. [[Rocky Shoemaker|Rocky]] decided to mention the trolls and had the police do a background check on Ivy.
Chris also ingratiated himself with [[Officer Keino|Ivy's father]], speaking with him on the phone twice. He impressed the Coach McGuirk lookalike with his stories of being in the Cub Scouts and drawing a comic book for children.


She decided to break up with Chris and hung up on him during a phone call. She told Bob they were just friends and that Chris has been harassing her with over 500 phone calls. Bob probably didn't relay the message to Chris and so Chris probably still thinks it's okay to call girls over 20 times a day.<ref>[[Clyde Cash]]</ref>
===May===
Throughout the Chandlers' trials and tribulations, Ivy remained TRUE and HONEST. A Chandler family vacation up to Boston, to visit Ivy,<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref><ref>[[For My Sweetest Ivy]]</ref> was in the works. But in a fit of righteousness, Rocky brought the Chandlers to the police to sort out the trolls once and for all. The Chandlers were interested in investigating only [[Joshua Martinez]], but Rocky overrode their protests and insisted on checking into Ivy's background as well.
 
Ivy was furious, and after accusing Chris of betraying her, broke up with him.
 
Chris persisted in calling Ivy for two days after she broke off their relationship. She and Officer Keino called Bob to have him tell Chris to back off. In Ivy's words, "Chris still had no concept of the word 'no.'"<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>  


On the night of 14 [[May 2009|May]], the following was written on Chris's [[ED]] talk page:
On the night of 14 [[May 2009|May]], the following was written on Chris's [[ED]] talk page:


{{quote|I have learned that there was a connection between her and a state in Washington where some of you have been lurking, and that she was not found in any public records. It took me a week to recover from the crestfallen emotions, but I am moving on with my life.
{{quote|I have learned that there was a connection between her and a state in Washington where some of you have been lurking, and that she was not found in any public records. It took me a week to recover from the crestfallen emotions, but I am moving on with my life.|Chris<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]</ref>}}
 
Also, you'll have to catch me IRL ONLY to troll me any further. Do you dare?


Peace-Out, Christian Weston Chandler.|Chris, recovering from the crestfallen emotions}}
==Epilogue==
[[Image:IvysDeath.png|thumb|An artist's depiction of Ivy's untimely death.]]
In July 2009, Chris was fed the rumor that Ivy had committed suicide by hanging "from being restricted from Communication, as well as coming to visit me." He tastelessly uploaded [[CWC "Boyfriend"]] as a belated memorial.


Chris has since removed all Ivy-related videos from his [[YouTube]] account. He went back to a real-world search and unexpectedly, the [[love quest]] has become a [[fuck quest]].
In November 2009, he [[:File:SchuComic9P92.jpg|described Ivy's death in a giant wall of text]] in [[Sonichu 9|the comic]]. During the PVCC's assault on CWCville, she was apparently trapped in a collapsing elevator, got the cables tangled around her neck, and was strangled to death, despite [[BILLY MAYS]]'s best efforts to save her. The page laying all of this out carries a brief dedication: "In memory of [[Sonichu Girls|Sonichu-Girl]], **Ivy O'Niel**".


==Death==
On 19 [[April 2010]], Chris updated the [[CWCipedia]] with a [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)|page]] containing various profiles of his "[[gal-pal]]s and past sweethearts." Among them was a brief and somewhat ambivalent mention of Ivy:


"Ivy" committed suicide in July 2009 "from being restricted from Communication, as well as coming to visit me" according to Chris. He tastelessly uploaded [[CWC "Boyfriend"]] as a belated memorial.
{{quote|Another online romance, but better... with Telephone Conversations. Ivy and I were entwined within our relationship for about 3 months; it was good. Then later on, when I was talking to a detective on the case of finding my Trolls and seeing justice done unto them, he looked into Ivy and her family; found NOTHING on them, even her father who was a Police Officer. Then in a mental quandary and confusion, I stopped talking to Ivy for a few months. She called me one last time after the time; I still felt confused. Then I hear from Vivian that Ivy committed suicide by hanging.|CWC<ref>[[CWCipedia]]</ref>}}


On 13 February 2011, Ivy participated in a [[Ivy Q&A|Q&A session]] with the CWCki.


In a [[May 2011]] email, Chris mentioned her dismissively, saying "that elevator
gag was ONLY for comic story; she in reality committed suicide over me."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref> In [[June 2014]], Chris said that except for [[Kacey]], all of his former sweethearts were "deceptive theoretical exes." This suggests that Chris knew by this point that none of his girlfriends, including Ivy, had been real.<ref>[[Other documents#Chris's wingman]]</ref>


==Gallery==
==Gallery==
===Art by Ivy===
<center><gallery>
Image:Ivy.png
Image:Ivy Jammies.jpg
Image:IvysRosechu.jpg|Rosechu
Image:IvysBubbles to Blake.jpg|[[Bubbles Rosechu]]
Image:Layla.jpg|Luckette (a.k.a. [[Layla Flaaffy]])
Image:Princessivy.png|Princess Ivy, Ivy's fursona.
</gallery></center>


===Art of Ivy (by Chris)===
<center><gallery>
<center><gallery>
Image:IvyWedding.jpg|This is what Chris actually believes.
Image:IvyRing.jpg|IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME...
Image:CWCsIvyKiss.jpg|"FUCK IT'S [[Episode 2|EPISODE 2]] ALL OVER AGAIN FUCKKKKK" - [[Vivian Gee]] <ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dB6c5txd8ro#t=2m32s Sonichu - Special Episode 1! The Audiobook! Clyde VS Chris!]</ref>
Image:350meko.jpg|Rape is imminent. On a more serious note: Chris fails at pantyshots.
Image:CWCsClyde.jpg|OH SHI-! Ivy has been kidnapped by Clyde! IS CHRIS A BAD ENOUGH DUDE TO RESCUE HER?
Image:CWCsClyde.jpg|OH SHI-! Ivy has been kidnapped by Clyde! IS CHRIS A BAD ENOUGH DUDE TO RESCUE HER?
Image:CWCVictoryForIvy.jpg|Chris is holding out for an hero.
Image:CWCRescuesIvy.jpg|Note Ivy's noodle arms and legs.
Image:CWCsIvyKiss.jpg|"FUCK IT'S [[Episode 2|EPISODE 2]] ALL OVER AGAIN FUCKKKKK" - [[Vivian Gee]] <ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dB6c5txd8ro#t=2m32s]</ref>
Image:Cwc&ivy34.jpg|Rule 34 even applies to Chris's heartsweets.  
Image:350meko.jpg|Rape is imminent. On a more serious note: Chris fails at pantyshots.
Image:Ivy Jammies.jpg|Moar original art from Ivy.
Image:IvysRosechu.jpg|Ivy's take on [[Rosechu]].
Image:IvysBubbles to Blake.jpg|Ivy's take on [[Bubbles]].
Image:Layla|Ivy's OC, [[Layla]].
Image:IvyWedding.jpg|If the first thing you noticed was<!--"was" modifies "first thing"--> the zapbuds, you are beyond redemption.
Image:Ivypickle.jpg|Even the [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Men in the Pickle Suits]] love Ivy.
Image:CWC,Ivy,fursona.jpg|Ivy's fursona.
Image:IvyBondage.jpg|Bondage: YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!
Image:IvyBondage.jpg|Bondage: YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!
Image:Cwc&ivy34.jpg|Rule 34 even applies to Chris's heartsweets.  
Image:CWC,Ivy,fursona.jpg|Chris-chan Sonichu and Princess Ivy together.
Image:SchuComic9P92.jpg|Our heroes mourn Ivy's death, or something like that.
</gallery></center>
 
===Art of Ivy (by others)===
<center><gallery>
Image:Ivy.jpg
Image:Ivypickle.jpg
Image:Dearest Ivy by Chimerica.jpg
</gallery></center>
</gallery></center>
==See also==
*[[Ivy Q%26A]]
*''[[Soul Calibur]]''
*[[Vanessa Saga]]


==References==
==References==
<references/>
<references/>
{{Sweethearts}}
 
{{IvySaga}}
{{Love quest}}
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:O'Neil, Ivy}}


[[Category:Dead]]
[[Category:Dead]]
[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Ivy Saga]]

Latest revision as of 00:44, 29 August 2024


HonestContent.jpg
This article is rated M for Honest Content
It may contain content deemed not safe for work. Reader discretion is advised.
Trollll.PNG Troll disclosure: This persona was created, appropriated, or otherwise used by trolls to manipulate Chris.
Though this identity is contrived, the CWCki may treat it as if it were a real identity because it was to Chris. (It's also funnier that way.)
“ ♪She's gotta be true, she's gotta be pretty, and she's got to be the sweetest thing in liiiiffe, and her name be Ivvyyyyy~♪ ”
Chris singing Bonnie Tyler karaoke.[1]
Ivy
Ivyface.jpg
Information
Name Ivy O'Neil
Date of Birth 17 March 1992 (age 32)
Gender Female
Nationality American
Race White
Father Officer Keino
Occupation Art history student

Ivy O'Neil was a troll who became Chris's one and only sweetheart from March to May 2009. The slew of work that escalated from her simple request to gain a video shout-out remains one of the crazier sagas in the CWChronology. Ivy's saga is also seen as one of the most important to Christorians, as it provided insight into Chris's thought processes, the saga being a scenario where Chris genuinely believed that his Love Quest was ending.

Prologue

Ivy's drawing of herself

Something about Ivy brought out the crazy in Chris at levels rarely seen before or ever since. The Ivy Saga resulted in three Sonichu Specials, four music videos, a bunch of weird and creepy non-music videos (including the notorious Fanta video), a long-awaited tour of his house, a new Christian and the Hedgehog Boys album, the discovery of The Lost Video, the emergence of Joshua Martinez and Rocky Shoemaker as troll obstacles, images of Chris wearing the new Medallion of Fail and butt garments, and unexpected changes in Chris's behavior.

Ivy was a redhead. Chris therefore lowered his standards slightly by allowing her to become a sweetheart, since women with red hair had been excluded (along with blacks and non-boyfriend-free girls).

Timeline

March

The stuff of nightmares.

The story of the Ivy Saga came when she wanted to surprise a friend by getting Chris to give a video shout-out. Posing as a member of Chris's fanbase, after a 30-minute grilling by Barb she was able to speak to Chris. He was quiet and seemingly uninterested, but he agreed to the shout-out. In his Captain's Log of 18 March 2009, Chris sent his greetings to "Ahmy-vie" and her friend Rachel. This was right at the height of the Emily fiasco – between the day Chris stood her up and the day the Man in the Pickle Suit stole her away –, so "Ivy" and "Rachel" were assumed by many observers to be codenames for Emily and her friend Stephanie.

Ivy was dissatisfied with the quality of the shout-out and immediately called back to complain. Disappointed with Emily's no-show, Chris was now much more animated with Ivy, and told her, "If things don't work out with Emily I would consider you for my new heartsweet." The very next day, 19 March, after the Emily date and Clyde Cash's hooker incident, Chris called Ivy. They discussed video games, art, and handwriting. She sent him a self-portrait along with a drawing of her personal Sonichu character "Layla" (see above), and Chris shared with Ivy sexual fantasies involving Layla and Reginald. He told Ivy, "I love you." What follows was massive levels of creepiness not even the most hardened of trolls were ready for.

“ I'll be in your dreams! ”
Chris to Ivy[2]
Main article: Sonichu Special 1
Fresh from the shop!

Ivy was in the driver's seat now, and proved to be a muse like no other. Chris responded with some of his most complex work to date, Sonichu Special 1 and its accompanying music video, CWC Holding Out for a Hero.

From this point onwards, Chris was utterly smitten with Ivy, and genuinely thought that this would be his lucky break and a chance to end his tenure as a Virgin with Rage, if Sonichu Specials 2 and 3 are to be believed.

For the rest of March, Chris was a prolific video blogger. He doubled down on his creepy video messages and make a positive difference in the life of Ivy's insecure cousin, Flora. He managed this even while pressed on another front by his arch-nemesis; indeed, most of Chris's videos directed against Clyde during these months were in fact prompted by Ivy.

Things were moving quickly, but of course a classy college girl like Ivy wasn't going to arrange a sleepover at the Chandlers' sight unseen. Her next request, a tour of the property, ignited a slow-forming but ultimately epic meltdown; his parents proceeded to get pissed at him for filming their house and putting it on the internet without their consent, fearing that the local health department could see it and condemn their house.

Chris also shared details with Ivy about his incontinence issues and Barb's constant effort to persuade him to wear protective liners or, as he called them, "butt garments".

April

Main article: Vanessa Saga

As April dawned, Rocky Shoemaker very nearly pulled the Chandlers, kicking and screaming, out of their vortex of stupidity. Luckily for Ivy, she had already passed all of the Chandlers' tests for TRUTH and HONESTY,[3] and so was spared most of the (brief) fallout. Rocky put a temporary halt to Chris's video production, but Ivy convinced him that everything would be fine as long as he deleted the videos from YouTube as soon as she had saved them. Yet even as one crisis passed, another emerged when a mutual friend introduced Chris to Vanessa Hudgens. Juggling two needy imaginary girlfriends would once again prove challenging for one merely-mortal autistic man.

WHY
Main article: April 16 Fetish Vids

With inspiration from Ivy, Chris got a new cwcville.com up, and made progress on Sonichu #9. He then created the world's first-ever YouTube videos intended for pet crabs. The Hedgehog Boys got back together and hit the road again. And then shit got real: mid-month, Ivy found out about Chris's two-timing ways. The punishment was revolting, to say the least. After his humiliating penance, Chris was given a second chance...

Main article: Sonichu Special 2

...to plan a kickass wedding! The result was another Sonichu Special, complete with an accompanying video, CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me". And you can't have a wedding without...

Main article: Sonichu Special 3

...a honeymoon! Ivy specifically asked Chris to draw his duck life-sized, so that he couldn't hide the bend. Needless to say, the leaking of the infamous Giant Penis Comic meant that April ended on a decidedly low note. Chris had to make an explanation video to ease the mind of a traumatized Ching Chong, and had to confess to all of his crimes. Of course, the dastardly trolls pounced on every word.

“ Ivy is real! We are going to be together foreverrr! I CAN FEEL THE COSMOS. ”
Chris[4]

Chris helped Ivy put the Vanessa mistake behind them by discussing their future together. Chris assumed that after they got married, she would use her Ph.D. to get a full-time job, but would also do all the cooking when she got home. He would, of course, sit around and draw his comics. He also assumed that Ivy would have no problem if he visited strip clubs, but got very uncomfortable when she asked about her own sexual needs. When the conversation turned to oral sex, he explained his theory about recycling, and indulged her with a notorious demonstrative video.

Chris also ingratiated himself with Ivy's father, speaking with him on the phone twice. He impressed the Coach McGuirk lookalike with his stories of being in the Cub Scouts and drawing a comic book for children.

May

Throughout the Chandlers' trials and tribulations, Ivy remained TRUE and HONEST. A Chandler family vacation up to Boston, to visit Ivy,[5][6] was in the works. But in a fit of righteousness, Rocky brought the Chandlers to the police to sort out the trolls once and for all. The Chandlers were interested in investigating only Joshua Martinez, but Rocky overrode their protests and insisted on checking into Ivy's background as well.

Ivy was furious, and after accusing Chris of betraying her, broke up with him.

Chris persisted in calling Ivy for two days after she broke off their relationship. She and Officer Keino called Bob to have him tell Chris to back off. In Ivy's words, "Chris still had no concept of the word 'no.'"[7]

On the night of 14 May, the following was written on Chris's ED talk page:

“ I have learned that there was a connection between her and a state in Washington where some of you have been lurking, and that she was not found in any public records. It took me a week to recover from the crestfallen emotions, but I am moving on with my life. ”
Chris[8]

Epilogue

An artist's depiction of Ivy's untimely death.

In July 2009, Chris was fed the rumor that Ivy had committed suicide by hanging "from being restricted from Communication, as well as coming to visit me." He tastelessly uploaded CWC "Boyfriend" as a belated memorial.

In November 2009, he described Ivy's death in a giant wall of text in the comic. During the PVCC's assault on CWCville, she was apparently trapped in a collapsing elevator, got the cables tangled around her neck, and was strangled to death, despite BILLY MAYS's best efforts to save her. The page laying all of this out carries a brief dedication: "In memory of Sonichu-Girl, **Ivy O'Niel**".

On 19 April 2010, Chris updated the CWCipedia with a page containing various profiles of his "gal-pals and past sweethearts." Among them was a brief and somewhat ambivalent mention of Ivy:

“ Another online romance, but better... with Telephone Conversations. Ivy and I were entwined within our relationship for about 3 months; it was good. Then later on, when I was talking to a detective on the case of finding my Trolls and seeing justice done unto them, he looked into Ivy and her family; found NOTHING on them, even her father who was a Police Officer. Then in a mental quandary and confusion, I stopped talking to Ivy for a few months. She called me one last time after the time; I still felt confused. Then I hear from Vivian that Ivy committed suicide by hanging. ”
CWC[9]

On 13 February 2011, Ivy participated in a Q&A session with the CWCki.

In a May 2011 email, Chris mentioned her dismissively, saying "that elevator gag was ONLY for comic story; she in reality committed suicide over me."[10] In June 2014, Chris said that except for Kacey, all of his former sweethearts were "deceptive theoretical exes." This suggests that Chris knew by this point that none of his girlfriends, including Ivy, had been real.[11]

Gallery

Art by Ivy

Art of Ivy (by Chris)

  • This is what Chris actually believes.

  • IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME...

  • "FUCK IT'S EPISODE 2 ALL OVER AGAIN FUCKKKKK" - Vivian Gee [12]

  • Rape is imminent. On a more serious note: Chris fails at pantyshots.

  • OH SHI-! Ivy has been kidnapped by Clyde! IS CHRIS A BAD ENOUGH DUDE TO RESCUE HER?

  • Note Ivy's noodle arms and legs.

  • Rule 34 even applies to Chris's heartsweets.

  • Bondage: YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!

  • Chris-chan Sonichu and Princess Ivy together.

  • Our heroes mourn Ivy's death, or something like that.

Art of Ivy (by others)

  • Ivy.jpg
  • Ivypickle.jpg
  • Dearest Ivy by Chimerica.jpg

See also

References

  1. ↑ CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero
  2. ↑ CWC's Message for Ivy#Video
  3. ↑ Ivy Q&A
  4. ↑ Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009
  5. ↑ Ivy Q&A
  6. ↑ For My Sweetest Ivy
  7. ↑ Ivy Q&A
  8. ↑ List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica
  9. ↑ CWCipedia
  10. ↑ Jackie E-mails 26
  11. ↑ Other documents#Chris's wingman
  12. ↑ Sonichu - Special Episode 1! The Audiobook! Clyde VS Chris!
Ivy saga.png Ivy Saga Ivy saga.png
The Players: The Games: The Prizes:
Coinciding Sagas: Vanessa, Clyde Cash

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Chris's Love Quest
Candidates (List)
Sarah Hammer ♥ Tiffany Robinson ♥ Natasha Turner ♥ Laura Dorazio ♥ Kellie Andes ♥ Tiffany Gowen ♥ Molly Quarles ♥ Anna McLerran ♥ Hanna "Fandana" ♥ Jelena ♥ Lindsay Kaye ♥ Megan Schroeder ♥ Lori Lopez ♥ Blanca Weiss ♥ Sarah Jackson ♥ Jessie Ruddy ♥ Chloe ♥ PandaHalo ♥ Caitlin ♥ Sarah May ♥ Julie Milvana ♥ Emily Schifflet ♥ Ivy O'Neil ♥ Vanessa Hudgens ♥ Christina Katherine Trevillian ♥ Faeryn "Hambeast" ♥ Kacey Devoria ♥ Regina Novakova ♥ The Wallflower ♥ Jacklyn Romy ♥ Mia Hamm ♥ Catherine Sorrentino ♥ DoopieDoOver ♥ Jessica Quinn ♥ Bryan Shickley ♥ Various OCs (Magi-Chan Sonichu ♥ Cryzel Rosechu ♥ Mewtwo ♥ Sylvana Rosechu ♥ Pickchu) ♥ Tings Tingz ♥ Jacob Sockness ♥ MKRNightVee ♥ Annie Ikenberry ♥ Isabella Janke ♥ Fiona ♥ Barbara Chandler ♥ Flutter
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