Mumble 1

Mumble 1 is the first of the Mumble chats involving Chris which took place on 31 January 2009. In this fifty-minute chat, Chris mostly goes on about video games. Gems include the thought that incest is okay if there are two women, and stuff about the Nintendo trip.

Length: 49:32

Summary

The conversation begins with a discussion between Chris and a girl about Transformers, before moving onto video games (surprised?). After quite a length of time, the discussion moves onto his room, and the fact that he has a Lego CWCville that he's been building his entire life (and that he plans on continuing for his entire life). He then mentions he buys his clothes from Goodwill and the Salvation Army because "IT WAS A BARGAIN" (complete with falsetto). He then announces that he hates homos. Lesbians are OK though. Thanks to Our Lady Cogs to bringing it up for us. He doesn't want to make any more new male friends though. Back to lesbians, and they're good. So good, he'd have a threesome with two girls. It also transpires he has no idea what incest is. It turns out that he can be sure that Anne Boleyn never had sex with her brother, but sister-on-sister incest is fine. There's some talk of cars. Chris is invited to Louisville, Kentucky by a girl, and he farts. Chris knows that Canadians are nice and play ice hockey too.

Obama and Chris have common ground, apparently. Chris sees himself in Obama as they were both outcasts. He also discovered he was a 'moderate' in high school. Clyde is a 'joike' as well, by the way. He describes an argument with Bob, and then goes onto mention he could beat Bob's ass, because Bob is 81. The love and respect conundrum is mentioned- turns out Chris doesn't love Bob, but he does respect him.

Notes

• Info for Chris's Room map: L-shaped Lego CWCville
• Chris then admits to his family being pack rats
• He's "unanimous" about being against homos.
• He appreciates the Sonichu Girls
• Shuffle! is a harem dating sim/anime he wants to see
• He was "tested" for autism...
• Has no desire to make new male friends
• He went to California to meet Cole
• Lesbians are okay, two gay lovers are not
• Threesome with two women a-okay with him
• "An incest?" he doesn't understand, discourages it
• Anne Boleyn is his aunt. He looked up Richard Weston and Mary Boleyn to find a link between them (on Wikipedia of course)
• He saw The Other Boleyn Girl. He knows no incest happened
• Sisterly incest may be okay. Not for certain.
• Chris sees himself in Obama because they're both outcasts
• Canadians are polite and play hockey.
• Troll explains 21 December 2012 to him. Chris thinks it's the actual end of the world.
• Discusses Chris's ED page being deleted
• Shigeru Miyamoto saw the ED page
• Chris hates Clyde, that 'joike'
• Chris's dad argues with Chris in the car, makes Chris depressed
• Chris tries to ignore his dad. He recently yelled at his dad and HIS DAD FLIPPED HIM OFF to which Chris said (insert condescending mothers voice) "Did you just give me the finger?!"
• Chris could take his dad on because he's FREAKIN' 81! ... or 80
• Chris may not love his dad but he has to respect him
• He ponders what life as a woman would be like
• Family Guy quote: "God gave me the package, I signed for it."
• Talks about steroids, effects. Steroid abusers should just pay for a sex change.
• Sooner have a sex change than turn into a homo
• Says some people are born gay or choose that way.
• For women it's a choice to be gay. Family Guy told him so.
• HE IS STRAIGHT AND WILL NOT BE CHANGED

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Transcript

Chris: ...both parts in a villain.
Trap: Do you plan to fix that any time soon, in the future?
Chris: Uh... yeah, I don't know. I did have an idea, though, about, uh, about psychic link, about psychic communication between her and Magi-Chan. But, uh, neither of them knowing about each other, physically, outside of that.
Trap: Alright.
Chris: Only the Decepticons. Get it? [forced laughter] Like Transformers.
Trap: Ah, yes, you know there's a new movie. New number 2.
Chris: Yeah, I know. Yeah, they're doing number 2. I have both the DVD and Blu-ray version of the, uh, of the new movie. I also have a DVD of the original animated movie. And I have Generation 1 series copied onto DVD-R. The entire Generation 1 series.
[Pause]
Chris: Oh, great, four times the Bumblebee.
[Forced laughter]
Dude: I haven't even seen the first one yet, I don't even know if it's on Netflix.
Chris: Rent the DVD. RENT THE DVD! IT'S EASIER TO WAIT FOR IT TO FALL ONTO NETFLIX!
Dude: Yeah, we have that, we have the Ropoo box, but, uh, I know it used to be on the box, for instant lunch, but I don't know if it still is.
[Pause]
Dude: Oh, I love that movie!
[Pause]
Chris: Mmm. I downloaded a bunch of epi- bunch of shows on the, and movies from the PlayStation Network. I've rented some of the- I've rented some of the movies off of there, as well as a few episodes of Xam'd.
[Pause]
Chris:Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait...
Trap: Eeh, hold on, hold on Gecko, I think he wants to read the website some more.
Chris: Uh, wait a minute, wait a minute, uh, did you say, did you say Xam'd is on the HEXBox as well?
[Pause]
Chris: The anim-
[Pause]
Chris: Well, yeah it was one thing. I used to hate both the PlayStation and the Xbox, but then I ended up getting the PlayStation 1 at a rummage sale, then I just kinda like, gave it a test play, then I pretty much fell fo- then I decided not to trade it in, at that time. So, pretty much grew from that. But, like in the-
[Pause]
Chris: Yeah, but also, you know, it costs money to be on the Xbox Live. But anyway, yeah, I don't think so. alright, so anyway- [starts typing loudly] Xam'd, is that really on the, uh, Xbox Live? It's an anime bout this, uh, boy who, uh, pretty much- pretty much gets a- gets a- gets infected and becomes like this, uh, this animal-type character, muta- mutant like creature, something like that. Yeah, yeah, I'm interested in starting to, uh, download the, uh, a new anime they just- they put on there just recently. Shuffle! I think it's called Shuffle! Oh, 'scuse me for a second. [Clattering as Chris gets up]
Trap: All right.
[Pause]
Dude: Uhn, I'm actually wondering if I should stay online, or go play Animal Crossing. That's sad. [Drowned out by static and more clattering]
[Pause]
Chris: Uh, yeah, I tried uh, oh, I tried uh, downloading from torrents a bunch of times, but, um, most of the entire series of Samurai Pizza Cats, off a torrent, but, uh, still kind of lacked in quality. And, uh, they got their leh ic- they got their little icons recorded, uh, that they recorded from a TV station.
[Pause]
Dude: Yeah, we're picking up our 360 on Tuesday; we have one reserved, and then after that's a PS3, but I dunno-
[Pause]
Dude: Ha, Circuit City's closing its doors, it's going downhill.
Trap: Sadly.
Chris: Anyway, uh, anyway, you know, recommended for if, you all get, for those who are getting a PlayStation 3, you know, you can go ahead and get, like, the least expensive one you can find, but preferably, one with, uh, that's capable of Wi-Fi, that's the, uh, that's the 60GB or higher models. 20 if- Yeah- Well, yeah, w- well, I mean, uh, 20 or 40GB are not capable of the Wi-Fi, you require an Ethernet cable. Yeah but I know but it's like available used, but anyway, anyway the-anyway the point is, you can pick up the least expensive for a PlayStation 3, and give it more memory capacity. That's like more bang for your buck, by buying the- like a 500GB Serial AT- Internal Serial ATA Norton two and a half inch notebook drive. And then you just-and then you just swap out- swap it in- swap out the old one and put in the new one. That's what I did. I got like, I couldn't- I co-... It's been working for me! [Typing] Yeah well this- Yeah. Yeah I'm typing the details. It's a seri-
[Pause, then more typing. It's fucking loud.]
Chris: Yeah it's a ser... Yeah, good for awhile but then you add- then you down- then you add like a bunch of- then you download like a bunch of movies or, er, I have from a torrent copied from PC to PlayStation 3 with a flash- with a flash drive or memory st- card or something like that. And then- and then and then-
[Pause]
Chris: Hmm... eh, but anyway, ah it accepts up to 500GB for its uh its internal hard drive. And also, like you know, it can-it can hook up to uh one of its USB ports an external hard drive and store- and store all that stuff. Copy it from the PlayStation 3 Hard Drive to it. And you can access the movies on there. Except downloads from the PlayStation network, They can only be copied to like uh, the PlayStation Portable. The Memory Stick Duo on that. I know, I uh [Pause] Yeah.
[Pause]
Chris: Yeah I mean, yeah, Toro and Ape Escape were around for the longest time on the Japan version of the store. You know, Eye of-... Judgment.
[Pause]
Chris: Yeah I get it. Yeah I get it. Over like, over the PlayStation Network for the chat windows, I get it. Yeah. [Pause]
Chris: But I'm just- I'm just trying to use that as an example.
[Pause, random noise, then another pause]
Chris: Hmmh. But I haven't been able to buy a Toro or the Ape Escape costumes yet Julie just to let you know. I mean I'm not getting my tugboat for a few more days.
[Pause]
Chris: Uh, I've heard of it I've never really seen it. Plus, I have like the original Game Boy game, Fist of North Star.
[Pause]
Chris: Uh no, I've pretty much only got Escape- Ape Escape titles on the PSP during my PlayStation lifetime.
[Random background noise, then pause]
Chris: Hmm. Yeah that's why- that's why for those that were recreated from the UMD, I just- I think I'll just buy the UMD instead of wasting Memory Stick Duo space. And uhh, Julie, I will definitely consider doing that for you, but uh not at the moment.
[Pause]
Chris: Uh how'd you get NES games on your PSP? Because I understand with the latest upgrade it uh, tends to block out that capability.
[Pause]
Chris: Hmm.
[Random background noise, Pause]
Chris: I see.
[Pause]
Dude: Oh dude, February tenth, they're coming out with that Sega Greatest Hits Sonic collection thingy. Forty different games and all the original Sonic games. It's frickin' awesome. I think they're going platform-wide with that too.
Chris: That... I noticed that at Gamestop, it's only gonna be for like PS3 and Xbox 360.
Dude: Aw! I'd love to play that on the Wii!
Chris: Yeah, wouldn't we all.
[Pause]
Chris: I have Mega Man 9 on my PlayStation 3. And plus I was able to download the add-on content.
[Pause]
Chris: Hm. Yeah I tried that- Yeah I have a component cable yeah I tried that uhh. But uh, yeah it didn't work out for me so I ended up using- it just came up like black and white so I just ended up using the video input on the, uh, back of the TV port it still works for me. And uh, Mega Man 9 is OK, in my humble opinion, it's alright.
[Short pause]
Chris: Uhhh no. Not yet.
[Someone talks in the background, indistinct. Pause]
Chris: Right.
[Pause. More indistinct talking, Pause]
Chris: Oh. That's Interesting.
[Pause]
Chris: Yeah. Touhou (pronounced toe-who)?
[radio or TV in background]
Trap: You don't remember those things?
[Pause]
Dude: Ahh. I'm so out of the loop.
Chris: Hmm. Yeah, never really heard of that Uhhh. And I don't really play too many PC games, nowadays.
[Pause]
Chris: Ahh well, um. PC... can't stand the memory upgrade, that's for sure.
[Background noise, sounds like a TV. Pause]
Trap: [Forced laughter]
Chris: Uh. Uh, yeah my mom just, uh, my family just bought- my mom- my family just bought the uh BMW, just uh basically I can't tell you much more beyond that.
Trap: Ahh.
[More odd background noise. Pause]
Chris: Yeah uh... Yeah I've heard of that, and I've decided that I'd rather not do that. I mean, PC is PC enough and PS3 is PS3 enough.
[Pause]
Chris: I have a PC input on my H- on my HDTV and it's like I could just set up and put my tower in there if I wanted to. But I've decided not to. My room is quite cluttered... enough, anyway.
[Brief pause]
Chris: Yeah. Pretty much my Lego CWCville is taking up like an L quip- an L port- An L shaped portion of it.
Trap: When'd you get started on your Lego CWCville?
Chris: Lifetime. Start off with one brick and then you buy more bricks and basically-and there you go. Took a lifetime.
[Pause]
Chris: Yeahhh, but yeah but my family's like a bunch of pack rats and uh, it's like you know, a bunch of their rooms is, like, cluttered. It's like- it's like, to quote a bit from a Monty Python episode I downloaded. [Sudden ear-raping falsetto] Morning Missus Robinson! Morning Missus Robinson! You been out shopping? No! I've been shopping! What'd you buy? A piston engine! What'd you buy that for?! IT WAS A BARGAIN.
[Microphone problems of some sort?]
Chris: If. Buy stuff from uh, g- like uh, Goodwill and Salvation Army because [More God-awful falsetto] IT WAS A BARGAIN!
Trap: You do find the most interesting shirts, I'll tell you that.
Chris: Yeah, mostly they come from like, Goodwill or Salvation Army. Ahh, Yeah- I'll uh, definitely consider, uh uh if a demo- If a demo Resistant- Resident Evil 5 comes out and uh it has online capability I'll uh, might play it on that, Julie.
[Long pause]
Chris: Alright. Cuz you know, uh, like I've stated there was times. And I'm 100% unaminous in it. I'm against uh, homosexual males, period. Especially since I had the bad experiences in the... elementary school with the principal and all.
Trap: I'm so sorry.
[Pause]
Chris: Yeah. I appreciate the Sonichu Girls. Well-I mean, uh, I mean I take tha- I mean, uh. Wait, I'll respect men, but uh that's, that's as far as I'll go...in the, in the level of liking men. I mean, just beyond respect [makes "Pff" sound] Nothing.
[Pause]
Chris: Hmm. [Some sort of hacking sound] Hmmm. Eeeahh, aright hang on, hang on, let me answer Cogsdev's question about lesbians.
[Laughter]
Trap: Hmmmm, well now, how'd you get into lesbians?
Chris: It was just one of the- it was just one of the bunch of the- it was just one of the bunch of the videos on a DV- on a DVD I got free from a... ner- from a... from a female sex doll order on the AdamEve.com.
Trap: Wow...
[Pause]
Chris: Yeah well, I'm saying that I hate homo males. And plus uh, I don't like, I don- I'm not- I'm not fond of men in general, cuz my father, he picks more arguments than flies in a garbage dump. That's my personal joke about... Yeah I know but- yeah but still then there was the principal in the elementary school, again. And uh also I have tests from- from when I was being tested for Autism-
Trap: Mmm-Hmm?
Chris: That s- it said I'd get along- that I would get along better with fe- with uh, girls than I do with guys. So that's, so lot of, lot of aspects and points that uh lead up to my personal feelings- and I mean nothing personal against anybody, it's just that's the way I feel, would prefer not to uh, be too close to the men. I mean uh, I mean- uhehuhuh I mean like I said as far as I'll go is respect. Respect.
[Pause]
Chris: Yeah I uh- Yeah I uh yeah I hear you, yeah I hear you on that but, hmm... Yeah but uh yeah umm I guess as a friend it's OK- I guess, eyaah, you know you can quote me on this uh, as a friend it- as a friend it's OK but you know uh I mean it's, but like it comes to like meet- uh, meeting new ones, uhh, I prefer to just kinda keep my distance. At time. I read these-I read these lines here. Hmm.
[Pause]
Chris: Aaaow. What's an SG?
Trap: A Sonichu Girl.
Chris: Oh, Oh, Oh. Yeah.
Chris: Mmm... Yeah I thought of visiting another country, but you know it's uh expensive. I mean uh, I went- I mean uh I've only traveled on airplane one time. It was to fly all the way to California to visit my uh, half brother Cole Smithey who has a website ColeSmithey.com.
[Typing]
Trap: Mm-hmm... Well... I will check that out.
Chris: Yeah. Actually his whole name is Joseph Cole Smithey, but he also likes to go by "Joe Cool", like Snoopy.
Trap: Ahhh.
Chris: Ahhhhhhh. Yeah between umm...
[Short pause]
Chris: Probably but uhhh... I mean, even though I'm... even though I- even though I feel, I mean I feel more, um... Well I guess but In the end I'd still, uhhh...
[Pause, momentary noise, then another pause]
Chris: I just say I guess to that question. But you know I would be- I'm encouraging straight... love between uh, straight couples. Men and women. I mean I encourage that more.
[Pause]
Chris: Uhh. Pretty much but it's like you know, between lesbians, it's like, hmm, partial courage. But then it's- but then again, but then between guys instead I would definitely 100% discourage. In my humble opinion.
[Pause, recording seems to cut out and recorder's typing is heard]
Chris: And all, huh. Yeah OK But uh also I mean I'm uh, also, I've uh talked to others before with uh, Sarah, my uh s- s- Sarah, my girlfriend. I can not be willing to do a threesome with uh two women, but defina- but definitely never with two guys.
Trap: Huh, that- that- Yeah I think I get that, you know I mean a woman's bodies is just a bit uh better, wouldn't you agree?
Chris: Uhh, I'm sorry what was the adjective you just used?
Trap: I said they look a bit better. Wo- womens, women's women's bodies look... Let me do this again. Women's bodies look a bit better.
Chris: Yes, Yes they are- yes they're they're more beautf- they're more beautiful. They're like, they're really- they're truly like works of art in their own way- just like yeah you know, just like you know the statues that uh, were in past times.
Trap: Hmm.
[Pause]
Chris: Uhhhh.
[Pause]
Chris: Ummm.
[Pause]
Chris: Uhh you know you sent me- you sent me a picture on PlayStation Network, Julie, and I'll take it into consideration but let me ask, uh... An incest?
Trap: Whatumean?
[Pause]
Chris: What?
Trap: Incest... Yeah incests.
Chris: Eh, yeah sure. Send me a picture and I'll Skype later, Julie. But yeah uh what's a- What is an incest? I mean I've heard that word, I've never really understood it.
Trap: She posted it right on the left.
[Pause]
Chris: Oh as in- Oh as in sex between bro... siblings. Oh.
Trap: Yeah. Right. Brother-sister, sister-sister.
Chris: Yeah... Um, yeah I would definitely discourage that. Because you know, that a- that's another- that's another- that's another thing-that's another-that's another...bad- that's another bad way to go.
Trap: Wow...
Chris: Plus also- plus also, uh, you all know the story of Anne Boleyn and I believe I mentioned- believe it- believe I mentioned before that it was spread around that my ancestor, was Anne- my ancestor, in an aunt sort of sense was Anne Boleyn.
Trap: Mmm Hmm?
Chris: So I'm a possible full descendant [sic] would be Mary Boleyn.
Trap: Wow...
Chris: But yeah it's like you know I'm trying to find the missing link between Mary, and the first Earl of Portland, Richard Weston. I- I've looked it up on Wikipedia.
[Brief Pause]
Chris: But uh, but yeah, but anyway getting back to the uh Anne Boleyn thing, I saw the movie The Other Boleyn Girl
Trap: Mmm Hmm?
Chris: And then I- and then I- and then I saw the part where uh, you know it's like- you know Anne lost- lost a child in her uh, while she slept and then uh, yeah that just, that basically happened right there and there was like you know she tried to get pregnant form the uh, from her brother, George, I believe his name was.
Trap: Mmm Hmm?
Chris: Yeah, like you know, it just didn't happen, I know- I know that for sure but like you know my first thought was like yeah... don't do that.
[Pause]
Chris: Eh, it just depends on my inspiration but like you know, with the stress lately it's kind of hard to uh get inspired.
[Pause]
Chris: [Sigh] Yeah, but it's like you know- most of the process of removing myself from the comic and that's pretty much linking it to my real life there.
Trap: Mmm Hmm?
Chris: So if that's the best link to your real life, it's kind of hard to, uh, keep it up to date there.
[Pause]
Trap: Mmm?
Chris: Yeah I'm removing myself at the end- at the end of the second eh, I'm taking myself out at the number two comic. Eh, yeah sure Julie, send 'em to me through Skype.
[Pause]
Chris: Since you have the window open. Ahh. Alright so, to answer the question, but like... between sisters, uh...
Trap: Mmm hmm? Uhh?
[Pause]
Chris: About that...
[Pause]
Chris: Ummmmmm...
[Pause]
Trap: I mean it's not like they're gonna reproduce, y'know...
Chris: Yeah.
Trap: So... There's no messed up stuff there.
Chris: Yeaaah... Uhhh... I dunno. I guess between sisters... I guess that's OK. I mean I'm not saying for certain.
Trap: Uh-huh...
Chris: I'm not saying for certain. But like, you know, it's possibly OK. But I'm not saying for certain.
Trap: Hmm.
[Pause]
Trap: It's uh, black, by the way.
Chris: I see.
Trap: It's a pretty nice car.
[Pause]
Trap: Okay, hm.
[Pause. Broken for a moment when Chris sighs, then continued silence.]
Trap: Hmm. You know.
[Pause]
Trap: I mean it runs about the same way, you know.
[Pause]
Trap: I'll-
[Pause]
Trap: Ah, I dunno. But here's the thing. We'll get them. We'll get them, yeah- Ford's gonna come through. I mean we get the Fiesta from Mexico, 2010. I mean you guys will finally get the European Ford Focus, which is a way better looking car. I'd still invite him. Oh the Tata. The uh, Tata Nano. That uses the air compressor.
[Pause]
Trap: I have my limo though. My family has always had limos or alpines.
[Background noise, then pause]
Chris: (Mumbling to self)
Trap: So I'm curious, I hear a TV in the background, what are you watching by any chance?
Chris: No actually you're listening to- I turned down, I turned down my radio, listening to 95.1 Rock, with John Tesh on the nightly run.
Trap: Oh, yeah, yeah...
[Pause]
Trap: I myself am in uh Louisville, Kentucky.
Chris: Oh. Louisville. I once- I once knew- I once knew an uncle Screwy-Louie who lived in Louisville.
Trap: Oh.
Chris: That's a little pun-joke I made up.
Trap: [Forced laughter]
[Typing. It's really, really loud]
Trap: Oh, that's cool, you should, come visit me, you know. We could take my little hatchback, my little half-hatch and have fun. Yeah.
[Pause]
Chris: [apparently farts] Ahh. 'scuse me.
Trap: What kinda weather have there right now, we have a big snowstorm... [inaudible]
Chris: We- we- We just have- we just have a little bit of snow and ice over here in Virginia.
Trap: Alright, yeah. We got hit pretty hard here. Thankfully I didn't, but others did.
Chris: Yeah. That's basically I- basically the worst I had to deal with was just slipperiness. Eh.
[Pause, Intermittent background noise]
Trap: [Laughs]
[Pause]
Trap: Well, wait, what the very first snow is? Well they have like, uhh... OK, I got a joke for you. I have a joke for you. How do you get three Canadians out of a pool?
Chris: Three Canadians out of a pole?
Trap: Out of a pool. A swimming pool.
Chris: Oh, pool.
Trap: Mmm-Hmmm.
Trap: No. No.
[Pause]
Chris: A ladder?
Trap: No. "OK, everybody out of the pool." [Stifled laughter] Cuz they're so polite.
Chris: Ahaa!
Trap: Cuz they're so polite. Cuz they're so, yeah, Cuz they're so polite they're just like "Oh, OK"
Chris: -Play hockey. Huh. Yeah I get it.
Trap: I have a cousin in Quebec. You get to make fun of, of the other people.
[Pause]
Trap: Oh, OK, I shall look at whatever this is.
Chris: It's her character. That she made.
Trap: Oh. Ooooh![inaudible] her character. I like it. [Brief Pause] I need to get back to France sometime in the future. I wanna go see a lot of concerts. Lot of people- lot of the bands I like don't come to America much, if at all. I really wanna see Weasel. Or maybe Sialia, they're from Belgium. Or Sisters of Mercy, one of the many many summer concerts they always play. [brief pause] Have you ever been to a concert, um, Chris?
[Pause]
Trap: Did we lose him? Umm...
Chris: I'm still here.
Trap: So have you ever been to any concerts in your life? Ever?
Chris: Concerts. I've been to a few but I can't remember.
Trap: Huhh. Yeah that's, uhhh... Give me a few minutes I'll show you some footage from the last one. You guys keep talking about video games and stuff. If you can.
Chris: Just whatever comes to mind.
[Pause, loud noises, then silence]
Chris: Yeah, I hear that, but uh, yeah if they're serious they would vouch for your trip in the first place, advance you the money.
[Pause]
Chris: Hmm. Yes. I see. And plus, also, pretty much the lack, the lack of advanced money there... pretty much convinced my parents disbelief in Mr. Miyamoto and all, and all that that happened there.
[Pause]
Chris: Yeah, but I didn't even have the money in the first place.
[Pause]
Chris: My credit card was pretty much maxed.
Trap: Oooh. Ouch.
[Pause]
Chris: Ehhh. Greater than that.
[Pause]
Chris: Right.
Trap: Ehhh. Problems, you know. But it's fine, I think. At least we've got a new president.
Chris: You know I actually saw both A&E- A&E Biographies, I downloaded both from the PlayStation Network between the McCain and Obama. Pretty much, like you know, the comic, the one page comic joke came up before I ever saw the documentaries. So it's like you know, I saw documentaries, and I end up seeing more of myself in Obama than in McCain. Like, I mean, who would you vote for, the one you saw more of yourself in as an outcast and all that, or the war hero?
Trap: Hmm.
[Pause]
Chris: Why?
[Pause]
Chris: Ohhhhh. Really, huh.
[Pause]
Chris: Well yeah, I mean it's like you know, let em le-let em learn bo- let em learn both ways and let them figure out which one is more accurate to them individually. That's the way I feel about it. I mean it's like, all the stories, and then- and then you figure out in your own humble opinion which is more believable to you in your humble opinion, you just follow that basically. I mean before I went to any church I learned both evolution and uh, creation. And it's like you know, I can go either way, since, uh basically I took a test in U.S. Government in high school I learned I was a moderate.
Trap: Ohh.
[Pause]
Chris: That's- that's- that's pretty much true right there, you mean, yeah, the dinosaur days could have been a whole day for God there. And then uh, the, uh, whatever killed the dinosaurs was the beginning or the end of that day.
Trap: Hmm. Speaking of the end: Mayan calendar. December 21, 2012. What do you think about that?
Chris: December...
Trap: 21st. 2012.
Chris: December 21, 2012?
Trap: Oui. Mayan Calendar.
[Pause]
Trap: Oui, then it starts again but the caveat is it's the start of a new world which means the old world, the one that we're in now, gets destroyed.
Chris: [Sigh] I'd better not think about- I'd rather not think about the bad news. It's just it... Yeah, it's still bad news and it depresses me.
Trap: Well I'll fix that right now. Just give me a second to type this in... (mumbling) There's uhh... that's probably the biggest show I've ever been to. I knew a Bob and Geraldo he's kind of a cool guy. Hangs out in Germany a bit more than France, but uh, heh heh, yeah I was lucky to see him in Seattle. I was on business, before I decided to kinda settle here.
Chris: Yeahh... I well I appreciate that but you don't have to make any effort for me to feel better, I mean, just give me some time without any bad news and I'll eventually feel better.
Trap: Alright, fair enough.
Chris: That's something I'll about.
Trap: Oui.
Chris: Yeah I checked- [brief pause] Yeah actually I checked it recently and that top, that top that top piece of information that was on top of the page said it was going away, went away. So they pretty much just introduced stuff and they pretty much just extended it's life. [Loud sigh] I'm not going to believe it, you know even though it's advertisements saying it's gonna go away I can't believe it until it's actually gone. You know like that guy who couldn't believe in Jesus until, like you know, he could actually see and touch Jesus.
Trap: Hmmm.
[Pause]
Chris: The-uh, the administrators behind the ED page want to get rid of it.
[Pause]
Chris: [Sigh] Hope so. I'm just, you know, sick of it being there. It was pretty much one of the factors that also made Miyamoto question my person and incentives and all that. It-
[Pause]
Chris: I did not send them anything like that. That was a- that was a troll, who went under my screen, that hacked into- that was Clyde who hacked into my AOL address and spammed the uh, quote-unquote “confession” which was a huge lie.
[Pause]
Chris: Yeah. Yeah. Anyways it was Clyde. I hate that jerk (pronounced joike).
Trap: Hmmm.
[Pause]
Chris: [Sighs very loudly]
[Pause, intermittent background noise]
Chris: Yeah, to quote New Brian from an episode Family Guy. Inspiration does not have a schedule so it's like you know. One day you can be inspired to do something and the next day something bad happens and you're like drained from days to weeks to months.
[Pause]
Chris: Yeah. Yeah I tried but then more bad stuff happens and it just drags me down further. Especially my father, causing an argument when I'm trapped with him in the car.
Trap: Hmmm.
Chris: [Sigh]
[Pause]
Chris: I uh- I tried to- I tried to ignore him, but still, eventually he will cross the line and hit a nerve.
Trap: Uh oh.
Chris: Yeah, like, recently when I blocked him out so much he eventually gave me the finger and I was like [Ear rapingly high voice] “Did you just give me the finger?!”
Trap: [Forced laughter]
Chris: Yeah, I did the headphone thing as well, I mean I'd turn on whatever I had saved on my PSP in the line of like a television show or a movie I've downloaded or have copied to the Memory Stick.
[Pause, intermittent background noise]
Chris: Yeah. Oh, And uh, Julie, I know I could take him on he's friggin' 81. But it's like, you know he's my father and I have to respect him. I mean I don't have to love him but I have to respect him. Yeah. [Yawn] Lot of life factors that can bring you up or take you down.
Trap: Yeah... Hey Chris. Have you ever thought, like, just randomly, what it would be like if you were a cyborg? You know, half man, half machine?
Chris: Uhhh. Yeah that doesn't happen but uh, a bunch of time, I often will randomly ponder what my life would be like if I was actually born a woman.
Trap: [Surprised] Oh really?
Chris: Yeah, but... I dunno, but, you know, I mean I would theorize that it could be better than my life now.
Trap: Alright.
Chris: But- well I dunno. I mean uh, I can't think of any- I can't think of them right now. But eventually then-but eventually- but eventually in the end I would always realize eh, I can't change it at this point. God gave me the package and I signed for it.
Chris: Yeah, probably from an episode of Family Guy. Stewie said it. Yeah the uh- [brief pause] Yeah the episode I'm talking about is the one where Stewie had his female baby- his babysitter he fell in love with, then he like, put the baby bottle in his diaper and says [Terrible Stewie Impression] “Oh, this is just me being myself. Oh, this? This is um, this us um, this is just my package. God delivered it, I signed for it.” [brief pause] But you know, in Family Guy I'm most fond of Megan Marie Griffin. I mean it's just too bad that she gets the bad end of the deal. She deserves a lot better.
[Pause]
Chris: Yeah, yeah I know, I know “Road to Germany”. Yeah. Yeah. [High, whiny voice] “Can I use your restaurant? I've taken a whole bunch of stool softener and now I've really gotta go.” [Some other voice] “Oh yeah sure, Martin just go upstairs to the bathroom.” [Third voice] “I'll be out in a minute! “I'll be right out!” “She said she'll be out in a minute!” “Giggidy giggidy goo!”
Trap: Oui... Oh, so Cogs had a suggestion...
Chris: Yeah I know, I read it. I'm definitely not doing that. I'm not doing that. I mean uh, you know... Yeah I'm definitely not doing that. Yeah. I think he's like refereeing for that such, that the- kind of over the counter drug just basically gives you like bigger... gives the man like, bigger man boobs, and shrivels up the uhhh... dick.
Girl: Attack of the killer Moobs!
Chris: Oh boy. I mean, hey, you know, any man who's dumb enough to take hormones may as just go ahead pay up thousands of dollars for a sex change. In that episode where they showed Mr. Garrison actually having that surgery that just turned me off.
Trap: Yeah but you... Gonna be a woman might as well use those god-given ovaries, right?
Chris: Yeah. [Brief pause] I mean, I may as well go ahead and say it, because it's a fact that's been on my mind for long time I mean. I'd sooner have a sex change before I would ever turn into a homo.
Trap: Oh...
Chris: But uh yes Julie, what is, what you got, what you want to say there?
[Pause]
Chris: [Sigh] Yeah, but I'd rather not. Besides, I really should go get something to eat cuz I fell asleep at the 9:00 Hour and I just woke up during the 3:00 hour.
Trap: Huhh...
Chris: Yeah, another time perhaps. Yep. Well whatever, if you want to send me an invite- if you want to send me... wait.
[Pause]
Chris: Uhhh. Julie I'll give you permission to share that. Among the, uh, among these fans here.
Trap: Oh?
Chris: Yeah cuz she was talking to me on a Skype window as well.
[Pause]
Chris: Yeah but also, lemme uh, I mean yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Even though- even though- Even though those people be born- can be born that way, some people can be changed. I mean, that's what I heard, and uh, you know, I'm definitely not going to change. So you know- if anything- If anything I'm definitely born straight, you know, you hear on like Family Guy you know for gals it's a choice. For women it's a choice.
Trap: Oh, to your left (referring to the placement of the chat window in Mumble).
Chris: Being a homo. Alright. I'm straight so I will not be changed. Alright so anyway I'm gonna get something to eat so I'll come back later. Y'all take care.
[Chris signs off, trolls converse among selves]
GeckoMantis: I got most of that recorded- I got all of that recorded for when I returned back.
[Typing]
GeckoMantis: I just sent him a message, from uh, in my, from Skype saying "This is GeckoMatis from the Mumble, add me as your friend. Also I'm logged in as GeckoMantis now.
[Trolls conversing]
GeckoMantis: Should I stop recording?

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