Clyde Cash
|
THAT IS MY LINK!!!
This article contains link(s) which have been cut down by the Internet Lumberjack or which have otherwise crashed into slumber due to stress. Please help the CWCki by replacing or restoring these links.
|
| “ | Yer butt's gonna be in trouble. | ” |
| Barbara Chandler to Clyde Cash[1] | ||
| “ | EEEEEEENNNNNNNNGH GON' SSSSSTRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH! | ” |
| Chris on Clyde Cash[2] | ||
| Clyde Cash | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Information | |
| Name | Clyde Cash |
| Also known as | Gregg Mays |
| Date of Birth | 4 July 1976 (age 48) |
| Gender | Male |
| Nationality | American |
| Race | White |
| Spouse | PandaHalo |
| Children | Penny Cash |
| Siblings | Ryan Cash (brother) |
| Relatives | Vivian Gee (cousin) |
| Occupations | Internet troll Leader of The Miscreants |
Clyde Cash (alias Gregg Mays - that's Gregg with three G's) (4 July 1976[3]) is the legendary ringleader of The Miscreants and is often considered to be Chris's arch-nemesis. Out of all of Chris's trolls, Clyde Cash remains quite possibly the most popular and notorious. He arguably holds the high score in America's favorite game of Kick the Autistic.
In Chris's revised Encyclopedia Dramatica page, Clyde is referred to as a "Starscream troll". This is a reference to the Transformers character Starscream, who would often switch sides or plot to overthrow Megatron behind the scenes. Chris says this because he believes Clyde allegedly killed BlueSpike.[4]
Ironically, despite Chris' constant demonizing of him, Clyde has warned him about several things that would later return to bite him in the ass, such as his unwillingness to work, spending habits, delusional thoughts and poor treatment of women, and even predicted Chris' innate desire to dress like a woman.
Origins
|
PROTIP:
Clyde Cash is not real. He was a fake identity taken by a single person. The CWCki treats him as if he were real because he was to Chris. It's also funnier that way. If you didn't know that without having to be told, you're about as dumb as Chris.
|
For the longest time, Clyde had no problems with Chris. Although he disapproved of some of the content, he was pleased to see the joy the franchise had brought his brother Ryan. Every night before bed, Clyde would read Ryan the latest Sonichu adventure until Ryan had dozed off to sleep (usually within the first three pages).
This changed when Chris announced, in his usual knee-jerk fashion, that he was going to stop drawing Sonichu comics. Clyde tried comforting the upset Ryan to no avail. One night in mid-December 2008,[5] Clyde entered Ryan's bedroom, intending to share a tray of freshly baked gingerbread men, only to find the lifeless form of his brother swinging from a light fixture. The dark silhouette of his body threw ghostly shadows across the room.
On the desk Clyde found a note - apparently the pain of not knowing whether Crystal would be released from the Dark Mirror Hole was too much for the young Ryan to bear. Clyde screamed, but no sounds would come out. Collapsing to the floor, he swore undying revenge on Christian Weston Chandler.
The torment begins
Clyde's first act was to rape Chris's sweetheart PandaHalo,[6] but it did absolutely nothing to Chris as he simply moved onto the next gal-pal. Chris believes that Clyde married Panda and had a "One Cent Daughter" named Penny.[7]
Then, Clyde posed as Gregg Mays (a web designer working for Nintendo) to gain access to Sonichu.net. Holding the site for ransom, he told Chris to make a video proclaiming he was gay. He then told him to make a video declaring his STRAIGHTness. Eventually, Chris regained access to the site. Striking again, Clyde worked with a troll and got rid of the domain. Chris, being resilient, bought Sonichu.info. With the help of PandaHalo, Clyde managed to gain access again.
It was around this time that Takashi Tezuka and Jay Z were doing their Animal Crossing game project. Clyde then decided to make things more interesting and posed as Shigeru Miyamoto to destroy any chance of the project. Teaming up with a fake Reggie Fils-Aimé, they created the Miyamoto Saga.
Julie set up a Mumble chat in which Chris could communicate with TRUE and HONEST Sonichu fans. Clyde stalked Julie while infiltrating these chats to confront Chris. He began throwing demands to Chris such as cleaning his room. Chris at the same time also bought SonichuandRosechu.com. Clyde got access yet again, this time with the help of Julie. In the end, it was revealed that Julie was a thirteen-year-old boy and that Clyde had staged the whole thing.[8]
After that, he sent out his trusted Hebrew friend to scout out Chris's whereabouts. The MIPS turned Robert Simmons V into a troll and infiltrated Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church.[9] He then stole Chris's one and only date, Emily.[10]
When Ivy came along, he decided to continually harass her and despite Chris making a few threats, Ivy eventually gave in and rumors circulated about her killing herself.[11]
Oh, and Clyde also hacked into the PSN a few times, but then Jack Thaddeus did him one better...
And to think all this was done due to Chris not caring about one fan's tragic suicide.
On 22 May 2009, the death of Clyde Cash, by a shotgun wound to the head, was reported by The Miscreants. The incident was deemed suicide, although some suspected foul play.
In the comic
In the comic, Cly(de) is a villain working for Mary Lee Walsh. Apart from capturing Ivy and getting into a fight with Chris, he initially only appeared on CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero, officially Sonichu Special #1. Not much is known about Clyde, other than he lives in a mansion and owns a pickle gun and "slander ray."
He made his first appearance in the comic proper Sonichu #10 as the 4-cent_garbage.com building is collapsing. When Jason Kendrick Howell escapes, he condemns Clyde and Jack Thaddeus for being homo trolls. When Beel escapes, he too condemns the two for their actions, saying that being homo trolls that are "slandering and tarnishing an innocent man's good name" is just as evil as being an assistant for Adolf Hitler. With no option left, Clyde and Jack jump into the 66+6-story elevator shaft to their deaths.
Currently
After Clyde faked his death for reasons unknown, he came back with a vengeance. Chris wasn't very pleased.
In late 2009, when not battling Liquid Chris for the hand of Kacey, Chris spent his time trying to convince Clyde Cash, alias Gregg Mays (or "Gregg Mays, alias Clyde Cash," depending on which name he remembers first) to face him in a one on one battle. Chris has recorded several feats of strength through a combination of Kacey trying to get him to get into shape and a desire to frighten Clyde with his bulging muscles.
Chris had also a picture to blackmail Clyde, but ultimately nothing came of it other than a series of videos where Chris tries to torture Clyde.[12] Clyde scoffed at the final video.
However, because of the negative reaction to Sonichu Special #4, Chris, in the CWCipedia mailbag, made clear that he would only sit and talk cooperatively with Clyde to get him to stop harassing him.[13]
Eventually, Chris decided to revisit his old nemesis in 2010, believing he was the reason why he lost the heart of "The Wallflower". In it, he is shown fighting Clyde, then pulling a knife and slitting Clyde's throat as a warning to all trolls.
In another well-thought counter-trolling plan, Chris unsuccessfully attempted to scam Clyde into paying Chris $9,001 for destroying his own PS3. This almost fail-proof scheme was however foiled thanks to Surfshack Tito's vigilance.
In 2014, Chris drew art of him and Clyde making peace as part of a commission. Notably, Chris completely screws up Clyde's height, making him look much shorter than he really is.
Fan videos
| Clyde Cash Fan Videos | ||||||||||||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
|
| ||||||||||||||||||||
See also
Sources
- ↑ The Hooker Incident
- ↑ CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009
- ↑ File:ClydesDriverlicense.jpg
- ↑ Mumble 12
- ↑ IRC (18 December 2008)
- ↑ IRC (21 January 2009)
- ↑ Jackie Chat 7
- ↑ Julie Reveals Herself
- ↑ Church Audio
- ↑ Emily Date Conversation Transcript
- ↑ CWC "Boyfriend"
- ↑ ClydeGoingOnGregg1, Clyde's Buddy Matt Getting SUPER-LAID!!!, Clyde is Weaker than Water, Getting Foam Ed, Twin Falling Towers, It will never end, Apology for 9/11 Joke
- ↑ Mailbag 5
External links
- Gregg's YouTube account
Post-date Conversations - The part with Clyde begins at about 4:35.Dead link as of the 25th of August 2015.An International Tribute to Teh Graet Clyde Cash.Dead link as of the 25th of August 2015.
| |||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||
| ||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||
| ||||||||
| |||||