Clyde Cash
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Troll disclosure: This persona was created, appropriated, or otherwise used by trolls to manipulate Chris. He was played by the same person behind Gregg Mays, Vivian Gee, Mao, and Shigeru Miyamoto. Though this identity is contrived, the CWCki may treat it as if it were a real identity because it was to Chris. (It's also funnier that way.) |
| “ | Yer butt's gonna be in trouble. | ” |
| Barbara Chandler to Clyde Cash[1] | ||
| “ | EEEEEEENNNNNNNNGH GON' SSSSSTRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH! | ” |
| Chris threatening Clyde Cash[2] | ||
| Clyde Cash | |
|---|---|
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| Information | |
| Name | Clyde Cash |
| Date of birth | July 4, 1976[3] |
| Also known as | Gregg Mays Clydec Mao Mr. Sin Dinero[4] Mr. Clyde[5] Clyde No-cash[6] |
| Gender | Male |
| Race | White |
| Nationality | American |
| Occupation | Internet troll Leader of The Miscreants |
| Spouse | PandaHalo |
| Children | Penny Cash |
| Siblings | Ryan Cash (brother) |
| Other relatives | Vivian Gee (cousin) |
| Saga | Clyde Cash, PandaHalo, Miyamoto, Julie, PSN Hacking, Ivy, Asperchu, Jackie |
Clyde Cash (alias Gregg Mays – that's Gregg with three G's) (4 July 1976[3]) is the ringleader of The Miscreants and is often considered to be Chris's arch-nemesis, even years after his trolling days were finished. In recent years, however, some have argued that the Idea Guys or Bella have taken this position away from Clyde. Nonetheless, when people think of Chris Chan's greatest trolls, Clyde is usually chief among them, usually due to the sheer volume of videos that Chris made denouncing or threatening his Guido rival.
In Chris's revised Encyclopedia Dramatica page, Clyde is referred to as a "Starscream troll". This is a reference to the Transformers character Starscream, who would often switch sides or plot to overthrow Megatron behind the scenes. Chris says this because he believes Clyde allegedly killed BlueSpike.[7]
Ironically, despite Chris' constant demonizing of him, Clyde has warned him about several things that would later return to bite him in the ass, such as his unwillingness to work, spending habits, delusional thoughts and poor treatment of women, and even predicted Chris' innate desire to dress like a woman.
As mentioned above, the trolls behind the Clyde Cash persona were also involved with a variety of other personas dedicated to trolling Chris, and at least one was active at any given time during the "Classic Era" of Christory. Clyde and his various proxies retired following the death of Bob Chandler, with no clear word about where the original trolls went.
Fictional biography
Ryan's Death
Ryan was Clyde's brother, who committed suicide when Chris announced there would be no comics released in protest of the Encyclopedia Dramatica page. He left the following note before killing himself:
| “ | Dear family and friends, this is my final message to you, i am going to kill myself after my hero, christian weston chandler let me down. Sonichu was my hero and without anymore comics i will never be able to aspire to be just like him. i hate christian for deciding to not make any more comics and being lazy! all he does is play his stupid video game and not care about anything but himself! He's such a jerk! GOOD BYE FOREVER I HOPE TO SEE YOU IN HELL CHRIS. Ryan Cash. | ” |
| A sad final farewell. | ||
Clyde was absolutely heartbroken upon discovering his brother's cadaver, and entered a state of depression. While Chris was upset by this news, due to his naïve understanding of the concept of death, his response to the news came across as condescending to a grieving Clyde, who was upset that the video wasn't dedicated to his brother, but various news items that were seemingly of more importance to Chris. The final straw was when Chris made a thoughtless comment indicating that he enjoyed having enough influence over someone that they could kill themselves after he took a course of action. From that day forward, Clyde's grief transformed into righteous indignation, and he swore to avenge his fallen brother by setting himself on a path to become Chris's archnemesis, even if he had to become a monster to do so.
Trolling
Clyde's first act was to rape Chris's sweetheart PandaHalo,[8] but it did absolutely nothing to Chris as he simply moved onto the next gal-pal. Chris believes that Clyde married Panda and had a "One Cent Daughter" named Penny.[9]
Then, Clyde posed as Gregg Mays (a web designer working for Nintendo) to gain access to Sonichu.net. Holding the site for ransom, he told Chris to make a video proclaiming he was gay. He then told him to make a video declaring his STRAIGHTness. Eventually, Chris regained access to the site. Striking again, Clyde worked with a troll and got rid of the domain. Chris, being resilient, bought Sonichu.info. With the help of PandaHalo, Clyde hacked in again.
It was around this time that Takashi Tezuka and Jay Z were doing their Animal Crossing game project. Clyde then decided to make things more interesting and posed as Shigeru Miyamoto to destroy any chance of the project. Teaming up with a fake Reggie Fils-Aimé, they created the Miyamoto Saga.
Julie set up a Mumble chat in which Chris could communicate with TRUE and HONEST Sonichu fans. Clyde stalked Julie while infiltrating these chats to confront Chris. He began throwing demands to Chris such as cleaning his room. Chris at the same time also bought SonichuandRosechu.com. Clyde got access yet again, this time with the help of Julie. In the end, it was revealed that Julie was a thirteen-year-old boy and that Clyde had staged the whole thing.[10]
After that, he sent out his trusted Man in the Pickle Suit to scout out Chris's whereabouts. The MIPS turned Robert Simmons V into a troll and infiltrated Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church.[11] He then stole Chris's one and only date, Emily.[12]
When Ivy came along, he decided to continually harass her and despite Chris making a few threats, Ivy eventually gave in and rumors circulated about her killing herself.[13]
Clyde also hacked into the PSN a few times, but then Jack Thaddeus did him one better...
On 22 May 2009, the death of Clyde Cash, by a shotgun wound to the head, was reported by The Miscreants.
The Return
After Clyde faked his death for reasons unknown, he came back with a vengeance. Chris wasn't very pleased.
In late 2009, when not battling Liquid Chris for the hand of Kacey, Chris spent his time trying to convince Clyde Cash, alias Gregg Mays (or "Gregg Mays, alias Clyde Cash," depending on which name he remembers first) to face him in a one on one battle. Chris has recorded several feats of strength through a combination of Kacey trying to get him to get into shape and a desire to frighten Clyde with his bulging muscles.
Chris had also a picture to blackmail Clyde, but ultimately nothing came of it other than a series of videos where Chris tries to torture Clyde.[14] Clyde scoffed at the final video.
However, because of the negative reaction to Sonichu Special #4, Chris, in the CWCipedia mailbag, made clear that he would only sit and talk cooperatively with Clyde to get him to stop harassing him.[15]
Eventually, Chris decided to revisit his old nemesis in 2010, believing he was the reason why he lost the heart of "The Wallflower". In it, he is shown fighting Clyde, then pulling a knife and slitting Clyde's throat as a warning to all trolls.
In another well-thought counter-trolling plan, Chris unsuccessfully attempted to scam Clyde into paying Chris $9,001 for destroying his own PS3. This almost fail-proof scheme was however foiled thanks to Surfshack Tito's vigilance.
Retirement
The last time Clyde interacted with Chris was during Chris's campaign for Alex's Lemonade Stand, where Clyde donated $10 dollars and shockingly commended Chris for doing something selfless for once. Notably, the comment on the Alex's Lemonade Stand page was the only time that Clyde interacted with Chris after the death of his father, as he and several other Miscreants had agreed to leave Chris alone when they decided that Chris had suffered enough, and that trolling him wasn't fun anymore. At some point after this, Clyde Cash felt that his brother Ryan had been sufficiently avenged, so he retired to New Jersey where he, his wife Sarah, and their daughter Penny could watch the sun rise over a grateful universe. He has not been seen since then.
Chris, surprisingly, has forgiven Clyde for what he has done, or at least he's stopped caring. In 2014, Chris drew art of him and Clyde making peace as part of a commission, albeit with both parties doing so somewhat begrudgingly. Notably, Chris completely screws up Clyde's height, making him appear to be much shorter than he was in the pages of the comic.
Attempted Doxing and Blackmailing
Throughout their encounters, Chris would try to fight against Clyde by threatening that he'll uncover his true identity and blackmail him, a tactic which he had attempted several times throughout.
In the video "Secret Weapon", Chris claims to have aqcuired the mugshot of Clyde, which is actually a photograph of Lee Hotti given to him by the troll lordsillynipples. Chris would use the photo to reperesent Clyde in various videos where he threatens beating him up, typically placing it over an old doll of a clown, the first instance of which he actually uploaded a few hours before he declared unveiling Clyde's identiy.[16] A former troll-turned-white-knight would later inform him a month later that the picture he was given was not that of Clyde.[17] Despite it not actually being Clyde, the picture was circulated ironically, treating it as the true picture of Clyde, and soon became the one representation many associate with the troll.
In another video, Chris would once again claim that he was able to figure out Clyde's true identity. There Chris claims that Clyde is actually a little kid who attends an elementary school in Frankfurt, Kentucky.[18] Despite this, Chris still threatens Clyde by telling others to report him to the Frankfurt police. Chris would continue to claim that Clyde was actually a minor in videos that follow from this, including one where he mocks Clyde by singing over the Coolio and Kylian Mash song Gangsta's Paradise.[6]
In October 2009, Chris obtained an alleged photo of Clyde Cash straddling a man in a Spider-Man costume. In several videos, Chris would hint at possessing the photo to intimidate Clyde by using a cropped version of the image to represent Clyde. Chris would threaten to blackmail Clyde by releasing the full image, uncovering it bit by bit, unless he left him alone, and he reveals his true identity by a deadline,[19] while also referring to the costumed man as the "itsy-bitsy spider".[19][20] In on particular video trolls persuaded him to make,[21] Chris would attempt to humiliate both Clyde and Jack Thaddeus, calling both of them weak by having this image take the place of the Twin Towers. Clyde did not stop, but Chris never returned the favor.
In the September 2020 Discord Q&A 4, Chris said that of all the trolls, the one he would want to meet the most is the person behind Clyde Cash (and, by extension, Vivian Gee, Mao, Gregg Mays, and Shigeru Miyamoto).[22]
In the comic
Despite his prominence as the leader of the trolls and being the frequent object of Chris's scorn in his videos, Clyde's overall presence in the winding narrative of the comic is surprisingly smaller than one might think. In the context of the story, Cly(de) is just another villain working for Mary Lee Walsh. Given that his first appearance in a music video was illustrated well before Chris discovered the photograph of Lee Hotti that he mistook for Clyde Cash's true appearance, Cly is portrayed as a bald, red-eyed baddie with no beard and fair skin instead of a freckled, tanned dudebro with spiky hair, a headband, and a very thin beard across his chin. He also has a fabulous purple cape and a dapper suit underneath, rather than typical Guido attire. Cly also has a jetpack, which he uses to regain his bearings after being hit with a Curse-ye-ha-me-ha attack. Strangely, Chris did not update the character's design in his few subsequent appearances after he discovered the "truth" of the master troll's appearance (which was that of Lee Hotti), or much later, when he drew a commission of himself making peace with the troll.
Apart from capturing Ivy and getting into a fight with Chris, he initially only appeared on CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero, officially Sonichu Special #1. Not much is known about Clyde, other than he lives in a mansion and owns a slander ray and a pickle gun (which allows him to technically represent The Man in the Pickle Suit). He made his first appearance in the comic proper Sonichu #10 as the 4-cent_garbage.com building is collapsing. When Jason Kendrick Howell escapes, he condemns Clyde and Jack Thaddeus for being homo trolls. When Beel escapes, he too condemns the two for their actions, saying that being homo trolls that are "slandering and tarnishing an innocent man's good name" is just as evil as being an assistant for Adolf Hitler. With no option left, Clyde and Jack jump into the 66+6-story elevator shaft to their deaths. Judging by Chris's commission, however, the death did not stick, although Cly no longer serves as an antagonistic force in the winding narrative.
Fan art
No one can be trusted when it comes to Cash!
Artist's depiction of Clyde and Jack's final moments.
See also
Sources
- ↑ The Hooker Incident
- ↑ CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009
- ↑ 3.0 3.1 File:ClydesDriverlicense.jpg
- ↑ Secret Weapon
- ↑ Chris Calls Clyde Out
- ↑ 6.0 6.1 (Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise
- ↑ Mumble 12
- ↑ IRC (21 January 2009)
- ↑ Jackie Chat 7
- ↑ Julie Reveals Herself
- ↑ Church Audio
- ↑ Emily Date Conversation Transcript
- ↑ CWC "Boyfriend"
- ↑ ClydeGoingOnGregg1, Clyde's Buddy Matt Getting SUPER-LAID!!!, Clyde is Weaker than Water, Getting Foam Ed, Twin Falling Towers, It will never end, Apology for 9/11 Joke
- ↑ Mailbag 5
- ↑ Take that Page DOWN NOW!
- ↑ White knight E-mails#17 April 2009 — Harbal
- ↑ Clyde Cash the kid video
- ↑ 19.0 19.1 To Clyde Gregg
- ↑ Clyde E-mails#Hi, Clyde — October 25, 2009
- ↑ Idea Guy / Joshua Wise (Manipulating the intellecutally disabled for fun) Megathread (Message #2831215). Kiwi Farms.
- ↑ Discord Q&A 4#Which troll would you meet?
External links
- Gregg's YouTube account
- Post-date Conversations – The part with Clyde begins at about 4:35.
 Clyde Cash Saga
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Organizations: Sonichu Girls | ||||
| Chris vs. Clyde: | Clyde's Return: | Spider-Man Blackmail: | Vivian Gee: | |
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