Trolls
| “ | ...[T]hey are vicious, crazy, wickedly smart people. | ” |
| Chris on trolls.[1] | ||
| “ | What a world we live in, with such trolls in it. | ” |
| Bubbles, in Sonichu #8. | ||
Trolls (numbered about eight billion strong) are various individuals of all races, colors, and creeds united under a common goal - to ruin the Internet's most beloved and most hated autistic manchild, Christian Weston Chandler.
Trolling schemes by these individuals have ranged from hacking CWC's websites, making him take pictures of himself unclothed, and more.
Pre-ED
It is notable that Chris was bullied in real life before his discovery by 4chan and ED. It can be argued that the first known torment of Chris occurred when his lifelong-friend-who-no-longer-speaks-to-him, Sarah Nicole Hammer, locked him under the house when they were children. The next notable bullying occurred during the infamous mini-date with Hanna in 2005 which smashed his heart level to 15%. Around the same time, he was also trolled by a girl he contacted through MySpace named Lindsay Kaye. There was also possible trolling of Chris through the guestbook on his website from as early as 2003, when "a hot redhead" said that she would meet him outside of PVCC (either this was epic trolling, or Chris put it on the guestbook himself). And let's not forget about Mary Lee Walsh and The GAMe PLACe hijinks.
But this was all child's play compared to what happened next....
The Few, the Proud, the Elite
Asperpedia Four
Includes Alec Benson Leary (the creator of Asperchu), Evan Christopher George (the creator of Simonchu, and therefore Simonla), Sean August Watley (the creator of Moon-Pals), and Mao Ling (the creator of the Asperpedia, which brought them all together).
BILLY MAYS
The individual who trolls as the loud-mouthed salesman of the same name, who types in ALL CAPS, and was declared the mayor of CWCville by Chris on 3 March 2009 while under pressure from Max. It is widely suspected that Chris himself had something to do with his untimely death.
Blanca Weiss
"Blanca" was really a trio of trolls (RickyRicardo123, Ickeriss69, and Nurse Icky-chan) who tricked Chris into sending them nudes, and later his Sonichu medallion. Ickeriss later uploaded a couple of videos featuring the Sonichu medallion, including a video in which the medallion is destroyed.
Not to be confused with LordSillyNipples, who used the Blanca identity to score the first nudes.
BlueSpike
BlueSpike (AKA "LeonSpike", aka "Julie", aka "Max") is a thirteen-year-old boy who pretended to be Chris's sweetheart "Julie". He later revealed himself as a troll in a now infamous hour-long audio recording in which he berates Christian and makes him stick his Sonichu medallion up his ass.
Bryan Bash
Bryan Bash is a close friend of Clyde Cash. He is the one who sent hookers over to Chris's house, as well as the person who called during the infamous "Bob Walks In" audio file, and is responsible for leaking CWCRockin4Way.jpg. Additionally, he leaked the Father Call and the Kacey and Liquid Call to /cwc/ on 11 November 2009, and he has also leaked conversations between Chris and Jack Thaddeus.
Clyde Cash
The nefarious Clyde Cash is the most infamous and legendary of bullies. A vile and reprehensible fellow whose very name strikes fear and revulsion into Chris's clogged heart and inspires admiration from the souls of bullies. He posed as Shigeru Miyamoto, raped Chris's beloved PandaHalo, and performed many more amazing feats about which songs shall be written and the minstrels shall sing of in the ages immemorial. Unfortunately it will not come to pass since Clyde is serving a life sentence for stealing the identity of Lee Hotti.
Emily
A brave soul who went on a date with Chris. She was later saved by the Jew in the Pickle Suit.
Jack Thaddeus
The possible successor (and gay lover) of Clyde Cash and is responsible for various PSN-related trollings and also for the CWCipedia ads.
Jimmy Hill
An individual who posed as a British sportscaster. He claimed to be the true original creator of Sonichu, the first openly gay cartoon character that became very popular in Europe back in 2009.
Jason Kendrick Howell
The original creator of the ED page.
The Jew in the Pickle Suit
A real-life pickleman who answers to Clyde Cash. He saved Emily from the clutches of Chris.
Liquid Chris
A YouTube troll who is known for doing a spot-on impersonation of Chris-chan. Within his saga, Liquid Chris is referred to as the TRUE and HONEST Chris-chan and creator of the popular comic character Sonichu, and Solid is referred to as an angry troll named Ian Brandon Anderson, who made outlandish claims that he was the real Chris.
Lordsillynipples
A troll from ED who was responsible for impersonating Blanca and being the first to obtain the now infamous Chris-chan Noodz on 11 September 2008, along with Chris's DVD. She is also responsible for creating the Man in the Pickle Suit and for feeding Chris the infamous guido picture of Clyde.
Robert Simmons V
A YouTube troll who managed to gain Chris's trust by showing him support and mirroring his life. Along with visiting Chris's church and meeting Bob, he also had a hand in organizing the Emily date.
Shigeru Miyamoto
Shigeru Miyamoto (Japanese: 宮本 茂) is the creator of some of Nintendo's most legendary video game franchises such as Mario, Zelda, and Star Fox. A troll posed as him. Chris fell for it completely. The troll got at him by pretending to be interested in his yellow Sonic abortion.
Sonichu and Rosechu
While there's no definitive proof of these two being trolls, they have been known to dispense advice for Chris from time to time, especially on the subject of relationships.[2] Considering the results derived from said advice, one cannot help but wonder about their true motivations.
Surfshack Tito
An enigmatic troll who managed to invoke Chris's wrath on two separate occasions by hacking his PSN and taking the blame for ruining Chris's slim chances with The Wallflower. He was also involved in the destruction of Chris's beloved PS3.
Thorg
A troll responsible for creating a slanderous billboard in 2009 and exposing Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia in 2011. A major part of Chris's 2011 blackmail campaign.
Vivian Gee
The creator of the Sonichu audiobooks and various other Chris-related videos and cousin of Clyde Cash. A former white knight who turned troll after she realized Chris was a hopeless, thick-skulled moron.
Devil Trolls
Aside from the several notable figures above, the Devil Trolls are mysterious, evil creatures that appear in Chris's Sonichu comic series. These creatures are first mentioned in Sonichu #9 and make their first full appearance in Sonichu #10.
Like many beings within Chris's comics, the Devil Trolls are inspired by his encounters in real life. Devil Trolls represent the various trolls that have given him such stress over his lifetime. This is shown when Chris encounters a set of them attacking a room containing his stuff from one of his earlier websites.
The Devil Trolls make their first mentioned appearance as some sort of grass protrusions taking away the fallen "IBAChandler" after Sonichu defeats him in Sonichu #9. They make their full appearance in Sonichu #10, as Chris-Chan Sonichu encounters them inside a room containing his pictures from his various websites. Seeing as Chris can't create anything without ripping off original designs, Devil Trolls resemble those old Troll toys, minus their gems, with long tails and demon-like wings. They also sport sharp teeth.
Motivations
Chris's perspective
Chris himself has a more simplistic view of what motivates his enemies. When a Mailbag correspondent asked him to explain why he's trolled, and why so many people seem to hate him, Chris had this ingenious response:
| “ | "Tehy're just jealous that they did not think of Sonichu first, or that I am more Artistically Talented than they are." | ” |
| Chris, Mailbag #5 | ||
This is consistent with the advice given many children who are harrassed in real life: that bullies are merely jealous of you, and want to see you react unfavorably. Since Chris never moved past high school mentally, he still believes he is hated because he is so much better than everyone else.
From his own attempts to illustrate trolling, it's obvious that Chris has no concept of how it works. When he tried his hand at impersonation, he thought that we'd all be trolled if he pretended to be an epic troll, but then a troll saw through his lie and forced him to admit that he is, indeed, a fat idiot. Chris believes that trolling has two steps: pretend to be someone you're not and then "troll" someone by revealing who you really are. Silvana, a character based on his perception of forum trolls who claim to be people they aren't, thinks it's hilarious to pretend to be Meg Griffin, kiss Chris, and then transform once she's out of sight. As a result, Chris walks away happy, unaware that he just kissed a tranny, defeating the entire point of "trolling" him.
Recently, it seems that he's decided that the majority of his hated trolls are actually homosexuals, combining his two major hates into one massive force of nature. The earliest this is seen is message he wrote in his Mailbag section, exploding in rage over an added Twitter and how they could talk about him behind his back. Even more, in his CWCipedia article on The Wallflower, Chris has also decided that the trolls are also black.
Unsurprisingly, Chris also considers trolling a crime, and has somehow dedicated himself to stop trolling. However, Chris's views on trolling are very very skewed, as he believes that all trolling is equal to what he had done to him. A recent video actually has him tell people how to act on the Internet mere moments after revealing his real name, address, and phone number.
As the years passed, Chris's take on trolls has erupted into a massive flight of fancy. Because he has been refused admittance to The GAMe PLACe, Chris has now proclaimed that the entire store is a massive front for Internet trolling, with Michael Snyder as the ringleader of it all. As well, he seems to have chosen the CWCki Forums as a major gathering place for trolls.
His parents' perspective
The Matthew Noble call in August 2010 revealed some interesting insights into Bob and Barbara Chandler's interpretation of what has happened to their son over the years. Chris's parents are apparently convinced that the entire Chris-chan Trolldom grew out of a conspiracy by Michael Snyder, two alleged homosexuals who frequented The GAMe PLACe (possibly Lucas and Mimms), and Megan Schroeder, who worked to get Chris banned from the store and are involved with a general effort to harass and torment Chris. When speaking with Ivy, Bob described Megan with words like "cruel" and "German". Bob was convinced that it is all because they are persecuting Chris for being autistic, while in reality he was scaring away customers with his behavior and sexually harassing Megan.
It's useful to try to consider things from his parents' point of view. To begin with, there is a worldwide conspiracy, more or less, to pester the Chandlers, violate their privacy, drive their son to do ridiculous things, and otherwise fuck with them in a myriad of ways. Bob and Barbara are bombarded by prank phone calls all day, nude photos, God knows what else arrive in their mail, signs mysteriously appearing on their lawn, Chris having angry screaming matches with people they've never met on the telephone, Chris once drove off to Ohio to meet a woman who didn't exist, and so on.
Being Chris's parents must be a fairly surreal experience at this point, and given that they belong to a much older generation, they can hardly be expected to develop the grasp of Internet social phenomena that they'd need to properly understand their situation. The GAMe PLACe, however small a piece of the bigger picture it may be, is the most significant real, physical element of Chris's adventures in trolldom that they've been exposed to. As ridiculous as their theory may seem, it's probably the best they can do as far as making sense of what has happened and continues to happen to them.
Chris the Troll
While the idea of everyone's favorite manchild becoming the one thing he hates seems kind of farfetched if not laughably ironic, it actually isn't too far off as one might think. Because of his horrendous misconceptions of what he thinks his trolls does, Chris believes that, if given a new target, Chris's trolls would gladly stop attacking him and go after that new target. In the past, Chris has tried to deflect his trolls towards people like Joshua Martinez, Michael Snyder and even Mimms. However, Chris has been so entrenched with his trolls and viewers that the idea of going after someone else doesn't seem feasible anymore.
As well, Chris has even attempted to troll his own trolls. One of the first known attempts was the Rollin' and Trollin' video, claiming that he had pulled the most epic prank on the Internet, only to turn around the very next day and reveal that it was a lie. Sonichu 10, as mentioned above, had his comic book self thinking he had kissed Meg Griffin, not knowing that it was actually Silvana. As well, on 28 April 2012, he attempted to convince his trolls that he had decided to return to the mall and resume his Love Quest, armed with his Attraction Sign. Again, he revealed the next day that it was a lie and that he had gotten banned from the mall just before he decided to pull it.
Interestingly, Chris's perception of being a troll is less about trolling to get a rise out of someone and more of attempting to pull a prank. His "return" to the Love Quest is probably the biggest indicator of that. Chris let his trolls know through his Facebook, then waited a day before shouting "SURPRISE!" As well, he also believed that if someone reads his message, he's going to assume that everyone has and that they are going to descend on the mall like a bad flash mob just to find Chris. Too bad most everyone, unlike Chris, has lives of their own.
However, if there is one person that Chris himself has successfully trolled, without a shadow of a doubt, it's himself. Proof of this can be directly pointed to his bad habit of surrendering information about himself, no matter how embarassing, demeaning, or downright stupid giving out said tidbits of himself would be. Chris often screams at his trolls for not leaving him alone, but, aside from the fact that his antics only add more fuel to the fire, he always fails to realise that if he didn't give them ammo to begin with, he wouldn't have ended up in this predicament. A shining example of this would be the 2013 Imgur Leak. Chris could have ranted about the trolls, and most would have shrugged and assumed that he's just being angry in typical Chris-Chan fashion. That is, until Chris revealed the reason why he got upset, inadvertently revealing the Facebook posts he was keeping a secret, as well as some very unsavory information that could get him arrested if taken seriously.
It just goes to show you, nobody trolls Chris better than Chris. Chris is the type to not only shoot himself in the foot, but reload, fire again, and repeat the cycle while blaming the trolls. He just never learns.
Today
- Main article: Weening
Since the death of Chris's father, the loss of his home and his plummet to the breadline, Chris has changed profoundly. No longer is he the naive, clown-shirted, indifferent egotist ED discovered in 2007, instead, he is a jaded, chronically depressed, cross-dressing child trapped in an adult's body, who is not as susceptible to, capable of dealing with, and arguably, as deserving of trolling as he used to be.
Many of those who continue to follow his activities are beginning to opine that he has suffered enough, and that active trolling, even where it is successful, doesn't produce the results it used to, takes more effort due to his inflated paranoia, tends to lead to small groups monopolizing Chris and hoarding the information they gather (as happened with Blanca and Catherine), and in some cases, causes needless emotional damage to Chris. For example, the revelation that Chris's latest girlfriend, Catherine, was yet another troll persona in early November 2014 provoked disgust and disappointment, as many felt that not only was it unoriginal and no longer funny, but the trolls had spent weeks, if not months stringing him along and toying with him, including tricking him into grovelling for "Catherine"'s continued affection. Many felt this amounted to emotional abuse of an already broken and miserable shell of a man, some were even disappointed as they felt that after all Chris had gone through, he deserved a lucky break, and a real relationship for a change.
Further, this was accompanied by the revelation that the same group of trolls had also fabricated Chris's denunciation by his high-school friends, leading to many questioning the morality of impersonating Chris's old friends just to get a reaction out of him, and of course, the terrifying Orwellian nightmare that such trolling has left Chris in, as virtually every aspect of Chris's social life is engineered by trolls and he has no way of knowing what or who is real - even his own family. This is perhaps partially responsible for his growing obsession with his hoarded crap and his preoccupation with his new identity - it has gotten to the point that Chris's identity and his possessions are all he has which he knows for certain are real and not a troll fabrication.
Chris's transformation has also coincided with, and perhaps influenced, a shift in trolling. Active, chronic trolling such as Chris has experienced is now generally looked down upon as weening and attention whoring, instead it has become more fashionable to leave a lolcow like Chris to their own devices for the most part, and observe, rather than continually provoke. Proponents of this type of trolling note that many major events in Chris's life have happened independent of troll influence, such as him burning down his own home, his various outings to Charlottesville and beyond (and many subsequent IRL bans), his bizarre dealings with Mary Lee Walsh and of course, the infamous 28 October 2011. It can also be argued that much (if not most) of the trolling that Chris experienced since his discovery in 2007 was ween as well, and that it may have partially caused his bitter, depressed and paranoid state today.
However, this newfound empathy evaporated on 26 December 2014, as Chris vandalized a Sonic Boom display at his local GameStop before attacking an employee who was calling security - all caught on camera by a Tumblr user. This shattered any pity most people had for Chris mostly because of the way in which he conducted himself, commanding employees "Don't call anybody!" and generally behaving as if he were answerable to no-one throughout. One CWCki Forum commenter aptly described Chris' actions as "socially deaf", as naturally an aggressive, balding man shrieking at staff, wearing toy sunglasses turned a few heads. This is merely one of many cases in which Chris has dissipated the pity of trolls by bouncing back from his supposed depression with an act of astounding hubris and stupidity. The revelation that Chris was in jail awaiting video court two days later was received with relief, and hopes that he may finally be forced to learn lessons he should've been taught three decades ago.
Furthermore, in the following months, Catherine's correspondence with Chris and her side of the story were steadily leaked on Kiwi Farms, resulting in her being largely exonerated of her abuse of Chris, mainly because it turned out Chris himself was not exactly blameless, and the main purpose of "Catie" had been to try to contain Chris's growing madness and to help him, rather than to make bizarre demands of him or manipulate him in the ways previous sweethearts had. It was revealed that Catie had tried to tell Chris repeatedly that their outings together were not dates, and eventually that she was not interested in dating him, as he began to attempt to control her in ways eerily resemblant of domestic abuse, namely, trying to prevent her from seeing male friends and exploding with jealous rage when she did, insulting her, refusing to let her break up with him, making deranged claims of royal lineage in a bizarre attempt to command authority over her, and even claiming that he was entitled to a relationship.
All of this has proven that Chris is not worth sympathizing for, since he keeps on getting worse.
On 27 December, a troll joined Chris's "FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!" group and posted a link to the video from the day before. Eventually, more and more trolls joined and the group eventually became littered with photos of Chris's trigger, as well as people mocking him, and other forms of weenery.
See also
- 4-cent garbage.com
- CWCki
- Encyclopedia Dramatica
- PVCC
- Rollin' and Trollin'
- White knight
- A-Logging
- Weening
- Kick the Autistic
References
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