Sarah Nicole Hammer

Chris & Sarah

I can never seem to find you
If only I could keep up with you
How far I would run, what I would do if you
Came with me for a thing
Sometime, somewhere
Cause from birth to now we are
BFFs

Sarah Nicole Hammer (born 13 October 1982^[1]) was the girl next door^[2] for Chris from age 2 until around age 10, when he moved away.

Sarah Hammer in real life

Like anything that looks good in real life, Chris ruins it by drawing it.

“	Sarah is Christian's Life-Long Best Friend. She is a spunky gal, and she is very pretty. One may say that she is the spitting image of Britney Spears.	”
Sarah Hammer Animal Crossing card; who looks nothing like Britney Spears

Chris met Sarah again when he entered Piedmont Virginia Community College. By 2005, Chris had come to regard Sarah as his best and closest friend, although Chris seems to suggest that he hasn't had much contact with her as compared to his childhood.

There has been no contact with Sarah since Chris has come into the spotlight, and unlike Megan there aren't any trolls who know her IRL capable of updating us on her status. There's no evidence that Sarah has even seen the comics, or has any opinion on them.

Childhood

“	She brought me a lot out of my autistic social shell for the time back then.	”
Wikipedia autobiography

Chris continues to cherish many important memories with Sarah, such as riding swing sets and playing "hide and seed." Once, Sarah tried to teach Chris to roller-skating, but Chris fell down and gave up, showing that Chris has no sense of coordination, balance, or dedication.

It is not entirely known if Sarah actually cared about Chris. In Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares, Sarah told Chris that Casper the friendly ghost was hiding under the house. Chris, being as childish as he's always known to be, fell for it and went to search for him. When Chris entered the crawlspace, Sarah locked him in and left. Eventually, Sarah's father had to come and get him out.

Sarah also tried to convince Chris to put a honeysuckle in his mouth. Specifically the tip, which is poisonous. Chris almost fell for this one, but his parents caught him and warned him of its dangers. And you know what they say. A girl that tries to kill you isn't really your friend.

Sarah and Chris were the same age and may have attended the same elementary school, but Chris moved to Richmond to attend middle school. For most normal people this would probably be the end of the relationship.

Chris has suggested that he did not originally view Sarah as a potential sweetheart; this decision apparently came later, most likely due to autism and a sheltered upbringing.

She got hot

In between 2000 and 2003 Sarah shed her old image and became so attractive Chris called her "a splittin' [sic] image of Britney Spears."^[3] Normally, people don't find childhood friends to be sexually attractive due to the Westermarck Effect, so either Chris just feels no such effect and would gladly bone a sister figure, or they didn't know each other well enough as kids for it to take effect. But the fact that he thinks she looks like Britney Spears is probably just because she has boobs and long blonde hair. She actually looks nothing like Britney Spears and has a completely different face shape, showing Chris's complete lack of facial recognition.

With Wes Iseli

By Chris's admission, he has not had much contact with Sarah since he moved to Richmond, although at some point he apparently concluded that they were destined to be lovers. The revelation that Sarah was dating local magician/heart-throb Wes Iseli was clearly traumatic for Chris. On one occasion Chris saw Sarah sitting in Wes's lap, which made Chris visibly jealous; this incident was important enough (to Chris, anyway) to document in his comics. Considering that a similar freak out occurred when Chris saw Megan sitting on the lap of one of her male friends around the time he was discovered by /v/^[4], he still gets insanely jealous whenever he sees a girl sitting on the lap of any other man, likely because it reminds him of the Infinetly-High Boyfriend-Factor.

Chris regards losing Sarah to Wes to be one of the two reasons he launched his Love Quest. Although this event technically changed nothing—Chris had never had a girlfriend and still did not—it spurned him to action, giving him a reason to actively seek out and obtain a Boyfriend-free girl.

The lyrics of Christian's song "BFF's (Best Friends Forever)" seem to be addressing Sarah, with Chris conceding the impossibility of romantic love and seeking greater fulfillment in a closer platonic friendship. His comparison of "your boyfriend" (presumably Wes) to Black Sonichu recast himself and the couple into the hero-lover-rival troika that he developed for Sonichu, and then further refined by featuring Wes as an evil hedgehog in his own right. Thankfully, Wes's career proved resilient enough to survive the trauma.

With William Spicer

At some point Chris learned that Sarah broke up with Wes and then subsequently met another man, William Spicer, who she eventually married. The ups and downs of this news are captured in how the fictional Chris takes the news in Sonichu #2. Christian does not seem to know anything about Spicer, to the point that when depicting Sarah and William's wedding he depicts the groom as a Yu-Gi-Oh! character so he won't have to draw the actual person. Chris most likely did not attend the wedding.

Sarah in the comic

Artist's impression of Nicole Rammer.

Sarah as she appears in Sonichu #2.

Christian first hints at Sarah's involvement in the Sonichu comics in Sonichu #0, where he alludes to three mysterious electric hedgehogs: Chris-Chan Sonichu, Wes-Li Sonichu, and Saramah Rosechu. This is the closest Chris can come to a slow-building long-term mystery, so of course he blows his wad right away, introducing the characters in issue #2.

After Chris activated the anchuent powers foretold by the Anchuent Prophecy, Sarah had a vision of the ancient queen of the Cherokian Clan, who explained her role in the prophecy and gave her the Lightning Bracelets. Using the bracelets Sarah could transform into Saramah Rosechu, whose role in the prophecy would be to maintain the balance between Chris-Chan and Wes-Li.

When Sarah discovered these two hedgehogs, they were already locked in battle. At this point she didn't know who Chris-Chan and Wes-Li were, and so she might have assumed they were merely fighting over their feud in their past lives as the heads of the Cherokians and Wasabi. However, Saramah quickly learned that the hedgehogs were also her old friend Christian and her recent boyfriend Wes Iseli. Forced to choose between these two men, Saramah remembered who was writing the comic, so she impaled Wes-Li against a tree and broke up with him, citing his cruelty toward Christian. Saramah actually spent more time dressing down Wes than she did battling Count Graduon, the evil she and the others were prognosticated to defeat.

With Wes quickly departing, Chris and Sarah returned to their human forms and caught up on old times. Chris believed he now had an easy path to becoming Sarah's sweetheart, but unfortunately for him she was already interested in another man, William Spicer.

Later, Chris would invisibly attend Sarah's wedding to William Spicer, being on-hand for Wes-Li's attempt to kidnap her. Using his Chris-Chan Sonichu powers and Yu-Gi-Oh cards, Chris rescued Sarah, who then rewarded him by tossing him the bouquet and wished him luck in his pursuit of Megan.

In the Sonichu Videobooks it's revealed that, like Mary Lee Walsh (whom Chris now refers to as "Slaweel"), Sarah has had her name changed. This is a side-effect from the early, poorly documented days of the Miyamoto Saga, where trolls convinced Chris to change the names of the characters based on real people. He now refers to Sarah Hammer as Nicole Rammer: "Nicole," because that's her middle name, and "Rammer" because he's a fucking moron. By doing so, he has destroyed the reason for the name behind her Rosechu form, baffling prospective readers as to why someone named "Nicole" becomes "Sarah" in furry mode.

Saramah Rosechu

Not creepy at all.

“	Sarhamah's[sic] origin is unknown but her radiance shines brighter than the sun. When she shoots her arrows, they fly like lightning bolts. She is also known as a peaceful protector. And she is lovely, angelic, and simply irresistible.	”
Sarhamah Rosechu Animal Crossing card

Most, if not all of Sarah's appearances in Chris's comics are in the form of Saramah Rosechu, using the powers bestowed upon her by the Anchuent Prophecy to transform into a furry. She has no actual personality beyond asserting her deep, unabiding friendship with Christian, which again suggests that he knows nothing about this person except what he likes to think she feels about him.