Imaginary family

Chris as the father of his creations

Ever since his creation, Sonichu and his friends were always literal children of Chris. He'd go under all kinds of aliases such as "Father", "Papa", and more recently "Mama".

Cherokee Clan leader

Main article: Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan

Crystal Weston Chandler (twin)

Sonichu character
Crystal Weston Chandler
Date of creation	22 June 2005
Gender	Female
Species	Human
Transforms into	Crystalina Rosechu

Notice how the "girlfriend" in this pic looks like a crude version of Crystal, even down to the shirt. Freud would have a fucking field day with Chris.

Crystal Weston Chandler is the fictional twin sister of Christian Weston Chandler. Her role in his fantasy world stems from his long-held desire to have a sibling to play with along with some narcissistic pleasure and gender identity issues with seeing himself as an attractive female. Crystal represents one of the more embarrassing facets of Chris's mind. Since his notions of the perfect girlfriend, the perfect sister, the perfect daughter, and the perfect female self so easily intersect, it is hard not to arrive at a conclusion involving incest.

He appears to have first created the character in 2004 as "Crystal the Female Twin" for his set of custom Yu-Gi-Oh! cards, although another of those cards depicts Crystal as "Girlfriend's Gift". In fiction, Crystal wears a Rosechu medallion correlating to Chris's Sonichu medallion and Reldnahc's Black Sonichu medallion; this is inconsistent (or is it?) with Chris's usual theme of Sonichu, Rosechu, and Blake representing the hero, lover, and villain. In real life, Chris created the Rosechu medallion for his future girlfriend, which raises the question of how he expected to adapt this into the comics when his sister was running around wearing the same bauble as his fiancée.

Crystal's origin is depicted in Sub-Episode 5, where she is made manifest by Chris employing his anchuent powers and Heart Torch of Fail to split into two (nearly) identical beings. Chris and Crystal wear the same outfits and even have the same super powers, although she lacks her brother's heterochromia. Throughout her appearances in the comics, characters are constantly noting how attractive she (and, by extension, Chris) is.

In 2007, Chris attempted to shock Encyclopedia Dramatica into submission by posting his own Rule 34 drawings, including one of himself fingerbanging a nude brunette woman. ED users immediately concluded this was Crystal, a charge which infuriated Chris and therefore became the conventional wisdom. By the time Chris successfully convinced anyone that it was really Megan Schroeder in the drawing, the notion that Chris wants to bang his imaginary twin sister had already stuck--and, as this article demonstrates, would've arisen anyway. Nonetheless, Megan stopped being friends with him because of the whole business, so Chris lost on both counts.

The theme of incestuous narcissism is also prevalent in literature of the Romantic period, particularly that of Lord Byron, who apparently acted on Chris's fantasy. The theory is that the man in question is so much in love with himself that the only other person he could ever truly love is his double. Furthermore, with the Romantic emphasis on sympathy through shared experience, great nostalgia for childhood, and desire to be "understood" (though complete disinterest in understanding) make a sibling an ideal sexual partner for the narcissist. Most of the Romantics saw the problem with this, and contented themselves with childhood friends, but then, Chris was never as smart as Wordsworth.

A possible early appearance is in the Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway (1998) where Christian's kart passes something labelled "CRYSTLE" (the video quality is too low to see anything) and Chris shouts "Hi!" at it/her.

In the comic

Note the careful attention he paid to drawing his sister's boobs.

Crystal's anthropomorphic form, Crystalina Rosechu. Also the only Sailor Soldier to wear sneakers.

Crystal was first introduced in Sonichu #3, Sub-Episode 4, where she appeared to aid Chris during a battle with the W-M-Manajerk in the Mal-Wart Region. Beaten and nearly subdued, Chris had a vision of his Cherokian ancestor. He revealed to Chris that his Heart Torch is able to summon his "dream sibling". Crystal has also helped Chris battle Bagget and the Change-Bot Crackder in the Get-Tar Region, as well as Mary Lee Walsh at the PVCC.

Crystal was trapped in the Dark Mirror Hole by Mary Lee Walsh and Count Graduon in Sonichu #5. In an attempt to save Chris and Sailor Megtune from falling victim to the Mirror, she pushed them both out of the way, becoming captive in the Mirror herself. After her capture, a few token mentions have been made of her plight - at one point, it was said that gathering the seven Sonichu Balls would allow Crystal to escape the mirror - but for the most part she was largely forgotten, especially while Christian himself was stuck in the practically identical Time Void.

Since Chris had been keen on ejecting everyone he created from his sweetheart search misadventures, the final fate of Crystal Weston Chandler seemed quite grim. Then, partway through Sonichu #10, Chris suddenly turned into Collosal Chan and rescued her by simply walking in, scooping her up in his arms and walking out of the mirror in the most anti-climactic way. Chris originally planned that he would hand over mayoral power to his sister at the end of this issue, but for some reason decided not to.

Being Chris's twin, Crystal's powers are very similar to his. She can transform into a Rosechu called Crystalina Rosechu. When she and Chris-chan Sonichu join together, they are able to form Chris-Chan Pure and execute a powerful ultimate attack known as Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance.

Her "personality" is identical to every single non-evil female character in the franchise: she does nothing except stereotypically girly activities (shopping,getting high from sampling perfumes, chatting about boys, etc) and she defers to men in all things. Her fashion sense is similar to her twin brother; she wears the same clown shirts and has a Rosechu medallion. Crystal has an odd quirk where she constantly refers to Chris by his original name, "Christopher," instead of "Christian", the reasoning for which probably exists in Chris' head but has never been elucidated.

In a Twitter post, Chris, while LARPing as Sonichu, presented Crystal's origin story. According to Chris, Crystal originated from another dimension where she took over the helm after her dimension's Chris presumably dies. During a battle with her dimension's Mary Lee Walsh, Crystal was sent through a portal into C-197 after Chris used the Heart Torch of Fail to summon her. Chris stated that Crystal decided to remain in C-197 after realizing that Chris was the TRUE and HONEST Chris.

As another display of Chris's failures in his Love Quest, she also appears to be one of the very few female characters in Sonichu who was never paired off with anyone.

Gallery

• 
• 

  Crystal joins the Moon-Pals.

• 

  Crystal+Sonichu balls or something.

• 

  Chris's most prominent thoughts on this matter.

• 

  Artist's depiction.

Sonichus and Rosechus

See also: Robee Sonichu and Cera Rosechu

Russel and Cynthia

“	Back in human form, she extracted some of her essence. Then in (female) Sonichu form, she shot her essence up herself ... After that, when she tried to transform back to human, she could not. She was stuck in her Chris Chan Sonichu form. Then between Magi-Chan and the examinations at the hospital, she was knocked up for sure.	”
Chris, on the beautiful act of conception.

The twins, ravenous for affection.

Russel Sonee and Cynthia Rosey are Chris's fictional Sonee and Rosey children. After Chris's Sonichu form became female to correspond with his newfound female identity, he got the notion to use his own semen to impregnate himself, thus conceiving Russel and Cynthia. Miraculously, neither of the twins emerged as hideous mutants, and Chris proudly insists that they're completely autism-free.

This little experiment behind him, Chris shoved them off on Heather Iglesias, claiming to visit them every now and again. They are first seen in Sonichu #12, attending the CWCville pride festival with their lesbian nanny. On catching sight of Chris, they immediately run up and cling to him, telling him they miss him. Chris gives them a dismissive "awww!" before coldly allowing Heather to take them away.

Chris described the conception again in 2020: "She did the thing from between her ol’ cock and moving the spunk into her vag, and had to stay stuck in Sonichu form until Russel and Cynthia were born for a few weeks. After that, she went back to her human form, and she had to go through the similar quick process that Roberta went through, but the Estrogen was coming in quicker with C-Chan, since her alt-form was now female."

Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)

The Idea Guys were here. Chris was brainwashed into believing that by drawing himself buttfucking Sonichu, then Sonichu will become pregnant with Crystal at some point.

“	As for where I see myself, I am uncertain career-wise, but I HAVE A DREAM! And that dream is to find the woman to make my Sweetheart from honest, true friendship, make her my wife, and from us, have a daughter named Crystal Weston Chandler. I've had a number of dreams where I take care of and tend to the needs of my baby, Crystal. And from all those dreams, I knew they were God's wishes for my future.	”
Chris, presuming to know the wishes of GodBear

Crystal as a My Little Pony character

Around the age of 21, Chris had multiple dreams in which God and Jesus told him to find a sweetheart to build from the ground-up to have his daughter Crystal, named "after the illustrious metal", according to him. In a custom My Little Pony trading card, Chris depicts Crystal as a pony who traveled back in time to help her father – Chris – find a boyfriend-free girl. This is completely ripped off from Chibiusa's entire premise in Sailor Moon.

Crystal and the Love Quest

Artist's impression. This is probably also Chris's impression. It is also the impression that no one ever wants to see become a reality.

Finding a woman who would birth Crystal has been a fairly consistent justification for Chris's Love Quest. At times he has seemed to be more honest in wanting a girlfriend so he can get laid or prove he's straight. For example, when Julie expressed a desire to have a child, possibly with Chris, he was ambivalent, and seemed more interested in a threesome between Panda, Julie and himself. Yet with new heartthrob Ivy, his fantasy of making a family was strong, and Chris was upset when Ivy said she didn't like the name Crystal, and demanded a say in their daughter's name.

Likewise, in a dialogue with potential sweetheart Kacey's dad, Chris revealed that he had a "prophetic" dream about Crystal when he was between the ages of seven and nine. He reiterated this later in the conversation, saying he was "definitely in elementary school", when he dreamed about giving birth to a daughter (in the dream he had an office job, which also won't happen). "Give birth" slipped out, as in Chris would like to gestate a human female infant within his body (or perhaps in a box) and somehow deliver her into the world. While it's most likely that Chris just fucked up while talking due to stress and autism, this could also be a Freudian slip suggesting that Chris has some gender identity issues, which typically begin in childhood. It's also somewhat possible that he doesn't know that the mother is the only one who gives birth, seeing how he uses it in other contexts.

After Kacey, Jackie was next in line as the vessel for which Chris' gift from God was to be bestowed. Crystal was featured in Lego form in the PlayingHouse video. Despite only being in preschool, she's advanced enough to keep a diary and look after her baby brother Reginald.

The influence of the Idea Guys

Chris draws himself buttfucking his "son", Sonichu, to guarantee Crystal's birth... Somehow.

In December 2017, Chris was brainwashed by the Idea Guys over how Crystal would be born. Role-playing as Magi-Chan to Chris, an Idea Guy explained that the male Sonichu would become pregnant with Crystal after being impregnated by Chris through buttsex, and that by drawing it happening, Chris wouldn't have to do nasty anal himself. Chris actually believed this, and produced the drawing to appease them, even though his comic book counterpart allegedly does not have a penis post-transition. Suffice it to say, nothing ever came of this.

Chris lost Crystal, an undated, leaked video from the Idea Guys saga (although it's mostly due to the influence of the Teen Troon Squad), shows Chris yelling at a toilet, demanding to know what happened to his "baby". No context has been provided for the video, aside from some associated text provided by the Squad confirming that Crystal was the baby that Chris was screaming about, and not Reginald. However, it's possible that the drawn incident with Chris rawdogging Sonichu may have resulted in Crystal existing (at least in his mind) before disappearing from this world.

Crystal apparently wrote a future message delivered by her brother Reginald (actually a troll playing along with Chris's delusions). The message itself describes Chris's goals of becoming a parent and warns people to make adjustments to their lives ahead of the coming Dimensional Merge.

Like with much of the Idea Guys' lore, Chris maintained belief in the Crystal birth prophecy long after their ousting. In November 2019, he mentioned it on Twitter:

It has been written that the father to me becoming the mother of the future Crystal Weston Chandler Sonichu, is none other than Sonichu (Prime), Himself; my Son. I am not dumb, stupid or blind to what is false from others; my abilities and mentality have improved greatly over the past months and years.

Name

Her name is identical to that of Chris's sister from the comics, leading to some confusion.

It is unclear which spelling he was projecting for his future daughter (although he used "Crystal" in a Facebook message and the infamous "Story of My Current Days"). In the comics he spells his stupid fake sister's name "Crystal" consistently, although somebody called "Crystle" appears in the Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway.

In a 2019 survey he referred to Crystal as Crystal Weston Chandler Rosechu.

Reginald Chandler

“	Alternatively, if I have a boy as well, I would name him Reginald; that was not a dream-thing though. I've had a past internet gal-pal, who would have likely become my girlfriend after she got here from her native land of Australia after finishing College there with a Teacher Degree. We role-played a family day with the children, and she chose the name of Reginald for the boy-child.	”
Chris

Chris and Baby Reginald Chandler (Reginald is the stupid little blue stud) from PlayingHouse

Reginald Chandler is Chris's imaginary son and brother to his fictitious daughter Crystal. He pees on the ceiling. He is briefly mentioned in chats with Panda.

His origins seemingly begin with PandaHalo and her discussions with Chris about the married life they will have in the future (as for Chris, a single date will inevitably lead to a long and happy marriage).

Although Reginald has been mentioned several times in conversation, he is nothing in comparison to his younger sister in Chris's eyes. Reginald has no persona in the comics (except possibly as Reginald Sneasel) and has never appeared to Chris in a dream. Since the untimely death of PandaHalo, Reginald has not been mentioned outside of direct questioning and a recent video, although it is likely that Chris would still name his hypothetical first-born son Reginald all the same.

Reginald was featured in the PlayingHouse video, where Chris pretends Jackie is the mother of his children. This time he was depicted as the younger brother to Crystal. While Crystal can write in a diary despite being in preschool, Reginald was mitigated to speaking only in baby babble. The only interaction Chris has with him is complaining about cleaning up the mess he made in the bathroom, changing his diaper, mentioning that he threw up several times during dinner (never stopping to wipe him off), and demanding he stay quiet for the night so he can fuck his wife in peace. It's interesting to note that Chris mentions that Reginald sits in a booster seat, not a high chair. While it's likely Chris doesn't know the difference, it also implies Reginald is big enough to be a toddler. Being a toddler who can only speak in gibberish suggests he inherited a lot from his father.

In April 2019, Future message from Crystal W Chandler was uploaded to YouTube, purporting to depict a visit from a time-traveling Reginald.

Could Chris actually have a child?

Nope! Not anymore.

Prior to becoming transgender, Chris's chances of conceiving his God-given daughter were extremely slim, but not impossible – it was at least possible for him to impregnate a woman, however unlikely that would have been owing to obesity's effect on fertility and rather more pressingly actually finding a willing female. However, with HRT in session Chris is destroying what fertility he once possessed, rendering the odds of actually conceiving a child at 0%.

In November 2014, after being rejected by a sperm bank, he even went as far as asking a friend to be the vessel which will allow Crystal to enter our world, but as addressed, he is no longer producing potent sperm. A later video showcased that he has difficulty getting an erection in spite of mass debating for three straight minutes, which just adds to his list of problems. In Chris's defense, however, he had just pissed all over the floor, and such an event usually makes it a bit harder to get it up.

In September 2020, Chris explained that he still has interest in getting a sexual reassignment operation in the hopes of being able to give birth. Unfortunately for Chris, those who undergo a Male-To-Female sexual reassignment surgery are incapable of carrying children. Although some scientists are looking into the possibility of transplanting uteruses into transgender women, Chris would likely be too old or too unhealthy to bear children in the event of such a breakthrough – and that's all presuming that he could save up enough to pay for that in the first place, which seems like wishful thinking, considering that money seems to be the only thing that Chris can't hoard.

In short, Chris will die childless: as long as he avoids sinking his finances to the point of foreclosure, the toys that Chris claimed to hoard for his future children will go to the State of Virginia if there is no will, and none of his other family members step in. Regardless of any of this, Chris's unique combination of his laziness, poor financial skills, neglect for his pets, and poor grasp on reality all generally indicate that he'd be a pretty shitty parent even if he could have kids, so in a way it's probably for the better that no child is going to be raised in the cesspit that is 14 Branchland Court.

External links

• CWC Sketch- Crystal

See also

• Chandler Family Tree
• Chris lost Crystal
• Sonichu, Christian's other imaginary son.
• Simonla Rosechu, who hoped to someday have a son she would name "Reginald".
• Reginald Fils-Aimé