Mary Lee Walsh

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THAT IS MY LINK!!!

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“	You're not gonna get a Girlfriend, this way or any way.	”
Mary, as quoted by Chris.^[1]

“	Enough OLD angst against the grey-haired witch-devil, THAT I'VE PUT LONG BEHIND ME...	”
Chris, lying, in November 2007.^[2]

Mary Lee Walsh, as she appears in the comic (and in CWCipedia). Chris draws her tits almost as big as his fans do.

Mary Lee Walsh is a proto-troll who maligned Chris's Love Quest in its early years by ripping up his Attraction Signs and eventually suspending him from Piedmont Virginia Community College for a whole year. She is one of the most important people in Chris's history, as she is one of the few people who refused to allow Chris to use his autism as an excuse for anything he wanted, and tried to make him act like a normal human being. This, of course, meant war.

The resulting conflict between Chris and Mary Lee affected Chris so profoundly that she became the sole focus of many early Sonichu Sub-Episodes. Even to this day, she is still arguably the supreme villain in the Sonichu series, a status that even Clyde Cash and Liquid Chris could never match. As such, she is revered and cherished among trolls for her actions, both in real life, and in Sonichu fan fiction. All hail the Dean!

By early 2009, many years after the college suspension episode, Chris had begun to express a desire for reconciliation with Walsh. He began with the retcon of the fictional Mary's name to the slightly less defamatory Slaweel Ryam, implying (and later stating outright) that the character was not related to the real Mary. For the next several months Chris made conciliatory gestures, including a drawing sent to her house, to which she responded with a legal summons. Since then, Chris has accepted that Walsh will never be able to truly earn his forgiveness.

Chris' continued feud with Mary Lee Walsh is illustrative of his remarkable ability to hold severe grudges over seemingly minor incidents. In late 2013, ten years after the August 2003 incident, Chris blamed Mary Lee Walsh in part for his continued decline in a series of Facebook ramblings, and referred to a Wal-Mart manajerk who banned him from the store as a "Mary Lee Walshing Witch Bitch".

Mary Lee Walsh in real life

Walsh during a TV interview.

Contrary to how she is rendered in various media, Mary Lee Walsh is not very attractive in person.

Walsh is the Dean of Student Affairs at the PVCC and a member of the Virginia Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance^[3]. She has also written a book^[4] about coping with college life, which, surprisingly, does not advocate attacking one's superiors with invisible curses. In the past, Chris had been scolded by her for passing around photocopies of his Sonichu's News Dash newsletter, and she finally delivered the crushing blow when Chris was loitering with his usual Attraction Sign. According to Chris, Walsh tore down his sign and told him that he would never get a girlfriend this way, or indeed at all - however true this alleged statement may have been, there is virtually no chance Mary said it, as it would have been highly inappropriate and jeopardised her job.

Chris, being the narcissist he is, disregarded her warnings to stop putting up his signs and continued to place these ads for his "love quest" all over the PVCC campus. Walsh, taking umbrage at this clear defiance of her authority, took Chris to her office to discuss the situation with him. What exactly transpired during the meeting is a source of much debate, as the only accounts are written by Chris and thus scantly detailed and heavily biased. What is known is that during the meeting, Chris pretended to converse out loud with Sonichu (relaying what Sonichu "said" to her), then after what Chris described as being "talked down...to RUDELY AND HOARSELY," he attacked her in a fit of rage, going so far as to hex her with the dreaded Curse-ye-ha-me-ha^[5]. Though what transpired in the meeting is nebulous, whatever Chris did got him suspended from PVCC for an entire year. He also was forced to take anger management classes and get psychiatric help before he was readmitted.^[6]^[7] Any positive effects these may have are not evident.

In his own words


So, as of August, Y2K3, I did the most logical, sensible and inexpensive idea I could think of, I made a simple sign that stated, "I am a 21-year old and Single Male Seeking and 18-21-year old SINGLE FEMALE COMPANION", along with a basic description of qualities I felt were best suited, due to the fact that it describe MOST every Boyfriend-Free, 18-21year old Girl. Sadly though, not a single one even gave me a glanced, a momentary pause or even an excuse-making throat clearing to read the sign or give me the time of day. And the few who noticed... That EVIL WITCH OF THE PrivateVilla of Corrupted Citizens, Mary Lee Walsh, a bunch of Non-Blue or Black impersonating JERKOPS, Manajerks and every other (only a few total) son/daughter of a #@&*.. MOCKED ME AND EVEN CRUMBLED MY EFFORTS AND THREW THEM INTO MY FACE! IT WAS SERIOUS HEART-SHATTERING INSULTS LIKE THAT WHICH LITERALLY SHATTERED MY HEART TO ALMOST NOTHING AND MURDERED MY SOUL! Like as if I didn't already understand that Love Can't be Hurried; but they ALL left a HUGE IMPRESSION among the general population that having a Sweetheart was ILLEGAL IN VIRGINIA thus, "VIRGINIA IS FOR VIRGINS, NOT LOVERS!" was what I had thought for a long time with the Dark Forces that were forced into me, bedding with my torturing past with the jerks of the Greene County School System during the childhood years of my life. Thank God for blessing me with many happy years at Providence Middle School and Manchester High School in Chesterfield; rounding my feelings and attitude out for today.

Emails with Mary

From: CWCSonichu@aol.com
Sent: Sunday, February 01, 2004 1:22 PM
To: mwalsh@pvcc.edu
Subject: Hi again...

Mary, I've slept on it, and I have realized that note-hanging is not the way to get attention. And I don't really want to meet with either you nor Susan, no offense. I'll tell you what, let's forget the meeting, and if you will allow my newsletter to stay in distribution, I will do all of the following:

-I will never hang notes on the wall again.
-I'll consider stopping my Silent Treatment on Susan.
-I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my Scale of Respect each by 2 points (0=No Respect...10=Respect).

Please reply via E-Mail.

Christian C.

From: Mary Lee Walsh <mwalsh@pvcc.edu>
To: CWCSonichu@aol.com
Sent: Tue, 3 Feb 2004 8:54 am
Subject: RE: Hi again...

Christian:

Susan Hannifan and I will be able to meet with you on Monday February 9th in my office at 3:00 p.m. I do not have any time this week that works with all of our schedules, so it will have to be next Monday. I normally send students notice of appointments by mail, but you have asked that I correspond to you through email. It is necessary that this meeting take place, so if Monday is not convenient for you please let me know and we will set a time for Wednesday.

From: CWCSonichu@aol.com
To: Virginia_Sanford@ccpsnet.net
Sent: Wed, 21 Feb 2007 3:32:50 PM Eastern Standard Time
Subject: Re: Hello

Hey, Mrs. Sanford (or should I say Ginny or Virginia ), I am delighted to hear from you as well. And It is also good to know that you are still residing at that address. The DVD is under production, to be completed a few days after February 24, 2007 (my 25th Birthday...Yay).

You may be able to help me in a portion of it now; there will be a Slideshow (projected from my PlayStation Portable) featuring not only pics of me growing up, but the friends, teachers and relatives I've known and remembered (either from heart, like yourself, as well as yearbook signatures). Anyway, do you remember from the ol' class, Sarah and Micha (the blonde girl with glasses, and the slow-talking african american who Ms. Eckel told over and over to get his dad to teach him how to shave)? I remembered both of them from heart, but unfortunately I don't remember their last names, so it's harder to find them in the yearbooks; could you tell me their last names, please?

As for what had happened during PVCC, in a nutshell; about Mid-Summer, 2003, I've realize upon revolation[sic] that I needed a girl friend to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up, so with a sign (which I've later realized that it made me look slow-minded; the "R" Word), I've started my Enduring Love Quest. The Dean of Student Serveces[sic], Mary Lee Walsh came out and tore my sign up right in front of me, and said, "You're not gonna get a Girlfriend this way or any way." That *&^%$ SHATTERED MY HEART AND MURDERED MY SOUL. And it wasn't just her, the Policemen Imposters in Brown, White and Red, AKA The Jerkops (Blue and Black ARE the TRUE POLICE SOLDIERS) also seriously indented the impression that "Virgina is for Virgins, NOT Lovers".

But it has a happy ending; in Mid-2005, when I've started playing the Yu-Gi-Oh TCG, I met this girl who upon numerous conversations, art-sharing and secret confidence, I've grown fond of, and my Heart and Soul Recovered from the Serious Emotional and Physical Pain I've endured. Although she's not intrested[sic] in a serious relationship, I still am fond of her, and I'm hoping that she may have a change of heart.

You may learn more about what had happened to me from the Sub-Episodes in my "Sonichu" Comic Book, which I have the legable [sic] images uploaded onto my CWC's Sonichu Site!; those Sub-Episodes are based on my Real-Life Events. *sigh*

Well, that's about it for now; I hope you do well as well. And I will make that DVD copy for you after I've finalized the master copy. Please tell the remaing[sic] faculty who are still working at Providence that I wish them the best as well. I still remember Mrs. Rogers (my ol' computer teacher) when she played as Woodstock in the 1996 "Snoopy" play; that was just fun and cute. :)

Take care; Christian Weston Chandler, A.K.A. (nickname) Chris Chan.

Mary Lee Walsh in Sonichu

THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES.

Chris is willing to pick up his markers and make hideous porn of people that he hates.

Because of all the stress Mary Lee Walsh caused, Chris brooded and obsessed over his "HEART SHATTERING" defeat and began to re-invent the entire scenario so that he came out as the victor. As such, Walsh began to appear in a lot of Chris's works as a primary antagonist specifically opposing his Love Quest.

“	After the first encounter with Mary, I put her into my comics from the start as MY personal MAIN Adversary, with her hoard[sic] of Impostor Police People, also known as Jerkops, and the Notorious Count Graduon trapped in the glass orb on the scepter she wields.	”
Chris, failing to remember that the comic series was supposed to be about Sonichu, not him

In the comics, Walsh appears as a literal witch, complete with a broomstick, sinister grin and pitchfork. In a witty parody, she is the leader of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens, or PVCC. She is motivated by a totally unexplained hatred of true love and people who seek it, making her a fitting adversary for the heartsick Chris and the deeply monogamous Sonichu. As the "witch of hearts," Walsh's broader goal is to wage war against love itself, although her only apparent tactic is to send jerkops into CWCville to beat up anyone engaging in romance. For no given reason, she considers Chris the most important target of her malign actions, cock-blocking him at every turn.

Mary's first appearances in the comics are in Sonichu #0, via a brief preview and several short comic strips that don't formally introduce her; her formal debut in the canon is in Sonichu #2. Upon her debut, Chris and Mary are already bitter enemies, yet Chris never explains the exact source of their hostility beyond stating that she once shattered his heart and she is inexplicably frustrated by his dogged persistence in searching for love. It is, however, made immediately clear that their feud has become intensely personal; both characters are fully prepared to fight to the death.

In Sonichu #2 Chris ties together the ancient evil of the Anchuent Prophecy with his own petty grudges by teaming Mary with Count Graduon. Imprisoned in a magical scepter, Graduon's power is wielded by Walsh for much of the series. Together, Graduon and Walsh represent the dual miseries of his becoming an adult - the trauma of graduating his beloved high school and the stress of his disastrous collegiate career. However, in Sonichu #3 Chris also gains the powers of Chris-chan Sonichu, escalating the original battle between a fat virgin and a old lady to an epic struggle between a ridiculous Sonic recolor and an old lady with a scepter.

During her reign of terror, Walsh threatened the city of CWCville on multiple occasions. In Sonichu #2, she and Graduon create a golem to stomp the city. Much of the action in Sonichu #4 involves Chris fending off Walsh's agents, until he and Crystal finally storm PVCC and liberate the college from her evil, although Mary simply relocates to Menchi-Nasu High to establish a new base of operations. In Sonichu #5 she floods the town with her army of Jerkops to stage a coup against Chris and his loyal police force. When this plan begins to collapse she and Graduon attempt to trap Chris in a Dark Mirror Hole, but are only successful in ensnaring his Crystal. When Chris later became stuck in the Time Void in Sonichu #7 , Mary seized the opportunity and prepared to attack CWCville in her most audacious invasion yet, laying siege with vast armies of Decepticlones in Sonichu #9 and causing untold damage before being defeated by Sonichu. Her evil was finally put to an end in Sonichu #10 when Chris used the power of the Sonichu Balls to become Collosal Chris-Chan. He then destroyed Graduon's scepter and easily overpowered her, but instead of killing her like he killed 100+ innocent people in that very issue, he paralyses her (seemingly permanently) and sends her to jail.

A consistent theme in Mary's story arc is that she is to blame for almost everything that maligns Chris or CWCville, mirroring Chris' insane belief that the real-life Mary was somehow the singular author of all his misfortunes. Even her conspirators are victims - virtually all of her Jerkops are simply brainwashed against their will, and even co-villain Count Graduon finds her to be selfish and wicked, thinking only of her petty squabbles with Chris and never about helping him get free from his scepter. To labour the point even more, Chris suggests that some of her followers have good in them, and are capable of redemption - but Mary herself is pure evil.

Renaming and retcons

Anyone but Hslaw Eel Yram!

As a result of the Miyamoto Saga, many characters based on real-life figures were renamed. In an act of utmost subtlety, Mary Lee Walsh became "Slaweel Ryam" or "Slaweel the Witch". A devious manoeuvre indeed - as one can see, the name is not entirely backwards, and there are letters missing. Nobody could possibly figure out the connection, unless of course they happened to see the notice posted prominently on the Sonichu.net front page detailing the full extent of the name changes. Walsh being one of the primary villains in both the comic and real life, Chris obviously didn't want to change the name to an entirely unrecognizable form (that would require originality). The name seems to be an evolution of "Hslaw Eel Yram", which was Chris's version of MLW in his custom Yu-Gi-Oh cards; in all likelihood, he had only used the "reverse code" as a means to insult Mary with the card without fear of getting in trouble if someone saw it.

In August 2009, Chris put up a page on CWCipedia entitled 'TwoMarys' where he tried graspingly to explain the retconning of Mary Lee Walsh's name to Slaweel Ryam. Apparently, the evil Mary Lee Walsh had been Slaweel all along, except Slaweel changed her name from Mary Lee Walsh to Slaweel Ryam later on, while the real Mary was innocent the whole time. This of course makes absolutely no sense as Chris has changed every instance of the "evil" Mary's name to Slaweel in the most recent edits of his comics, even during her introduction in Sonichu #0 where her character is introduced as "Slaweel the Witch" and not Mary Lee Walsh. Chris had essentially created a paradox within his universe, having made a comic where Slaweel, caught by Chris and the police, apologizes to Mary for ruining her good name, but because of the retcon Slaweel hasn't really had a chance to ruin Mary's name in the first place. Another glaring contradiction is that Slaweel says in the apology comic that she's "sorry for using [Mary's] name in vain and when I constructed P.V.C.Citizens, and made [Mary] look a fool for about six years" but on the 'TwoMarys' page, this caption appears below a picture of Slaweel Ryam:

“	This Mary later changed her name to Slaweel Ryam, and she was creating witch brew during night hours and sharing them illegally with the bums outside of the building; she was fired from PVCC then went on to build PVCCitizens.	”
Chris, demonstrating his inability to create a cohesive plot.

Mary Lee Walsh in Soul Calibur

Main article: Soul Calibur

It is unclear whether or not Chris ever attempted to physically harm Mary Lee Walsh, but in a video he uploaded to YouTube, Chris lives out his fantasy of beating the daylights out of her. Chris created himself and many other real life friends and enemies in the video game Soul Calibur III, so that he could take out his pent up rage in the most disturbing, passive-aggressive manner possible. It should be noted that Chris appears to struggle with defeating an AI-controlled Mary Lee Walsh on the easiest possible setting.

Possible reconciliation

Notice that Chris isn't sorry for the shit he did to warrant her anger, only that he let someone with her name run around. And why bother having two separate Mary Lee Walshes if he made her Slaweel?

Beyond his efforts to retcon the fictional Mary, Chris began re-examining Mary's value to society by describing her good works on CWCipedia to distinguish her from "Slaweel":

“	This Mary replaced the previous one in mid-2000; she has done a good job with her role as Dean of Student Services. She is Currently and To Be Respected with Open Kindness and Prosperity from ALL the Piedmont Virginia Commuinity College Students, Peers and Employees.	”
Chris, CWCipedia^[8]

The article rambles on and drifts alarmingly far from reality, strongly suggesting he used a quick Google search for "research", detailing this Mary's many achievements and services to the Piedmont Virginia Community College. However, the whole piece carries an insincere tone, suggesting Chris was compelled to recognize Mary as a real person as some sort of therapeutic measure. Keep in mind, however, that he doesn't acknowledge that the real woman he interacted with wasn't a horned-hat wearing witch; simply that this Mary Lee Walsh was replaced (in the real world) by a good duplicate. In a very sad way, Chris seems to find it easier to rewrite reality than his own fantasy world.

Mary was named on the CWCipedia Chris's first "Woman of The (ANY) Month to Respect with Authority and Kindness" for the month of August.^[9]

In his edited version of the Encyclopedia Dramatica page, he clarifies that he forgave Mary Lee Walsh for her "past misdeeds" (even though Chris himself was entirely at fault in all of their encounters). According to his edits, he also hand-delivered a framed copy of his "apology" to her office, but Mary simply contacted his parents and told them to keep Chris off her campus altogether.

From this, he inferred that Mary didn't care about him or their relationship, and Chris was crushed. Also crushed were any hopes of reconciliation, as after this incident Chris soon reverted to precisely the same deranged mindset as before, once again imagining her to somehow be orchestrating everything bad that happened to him.

“	Besides which, that b**** "Dean", Mary Lee Walsh, AFTER I personally went over and handed her a Framed Hand-Drawn Apology of my angst against her, SHE SENT ME A TRESPASSING NOTICE! While my family and I did NOT accept it, and sent it back to her, I must say that is one hell of a "Thank You" for going through the trouble and gas usage to Personally Apologize and Make Peace.	”
Chris, Mailbag 26^[10]

Grudge

Voodoo LEGO Mary. Chris shakes this container and holds it upside down to torment her.

Chris's anger toward Mary Lee Walsh continues well over a decade since his Attraction Sign was torn down at PVCC. In a series of rambling Facebook postings made on September 2, 2013, Chris began blaming various (completely irrrelevant) people for his tempban from Wal-Mart, including Walsh:

“	If it had not been for Mr. "Manajerk", Megan Schroeder, and their Internet Troll/Cyber-Bully Breeding and Meeting Ground, Cville's Hobbies, Games and Toys, My Family and I would not have had go through all of the emotionally depressing, and Financial Downfall to the depths of Greatly Poor and Just Getting By!...And that bitch, Mary Lee Walsh, with a Cold Heart at Piedmont Virginia Community College for interfering with my Sweetheart Search, AND Banning me from PVCC!!!	”
Chris, Facebook, September 2, 2013

A few days later, Chris was conclusively banned from Wal-Mart for vandalizing an XBox One display with a marker, adding "HE" to the front of the XBox logo. On the same day he was banned, he coined the usage of "Walshing", a verb that evidently means "not accepting autism as an excuse".

“	I have just been intercepted by the "Lady" Manajerk...the bitch has followed the steps of Mr. Snyder now; banned me from the Wal-Mart closest to my own house...She has proven herself to be a cold-hearted, uncaring, uncompassionate, lack-of-understanding, bigoted, discriminating, selfish, Mary Lee Walshing, Witch Bitch!	”
Chris, Facebook, September 6, 2013

Many of Chris's friends were no more amused with this story than the manajerk; soon after this incident, virtually everyone told him his actions were insane, and one of his high school friends de-friended him from Facebook, no doubt turning over to the dark side of the Trolls/Cyber-Bullies.

On 17 December 2014, an apology letter that Chris wrote to Walsh in August of 2014 was leaked. The letter contains all the signs of a CWC apology; Chris tries to blame his appalling behavior on factors supposedly beyond his control, and somehow manages to be patronising (or at least extremely conceited) while saying sorry. It also attempts at length to justify her nefarious portrayal in the comic, Chris operating on the presumption that she knows all about it and is deeply concerned.

The letter also indicates that he "personally hand deliver[ed] a lovely, framed original master Apology Drawing, and a written (or typed, I am not certain) letter explaining the piece and situation" and left those pieces with Walsh's secretary, for which he received a notice for trespassing.

Fan art

For some reason, Mary has become a frequent subject of pictures like this.

In Chris's artwork, Mary Lee Walsh has long gray hair and wears a golden helmet with red horns on it. However, Chris being Chris, he would often neglect to draw her hair (and her fingers, and her feet, and her nose...) at all. In the early days of his Encyclopedia Dramatica page it was inferred that Walsh's helmet was in fact a blonde bob cut, and the horns were growing out of her head like those of a devil. Additionally, once it became clear that Chris was viewing the page it became fashionable to mess with him by depicting Mary (whom he despised) as a sexy cartoon girl (which he was sure to masturbate to). As a result, the most influential depictions of Mary have been "Rule 34" fan art, depicting her as a voluptuous blonde with devil horns (and occasionally a tail), usually wearing (at most) a skimpy purple miniskirt and thigh-high boots.